Asked to pay to attend shower, thoughts?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
8071 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I think it’s totally rude to ask people to pay. It should be a hosted event and if a restaurant was too pricey they should have just had it at home or a cheaper venue where they could host with class!

i would go to the other one too. 

Post # 3
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

Misscounselor:  Do what feels right to you. I can totally understand not wanting to pay for the shower when you’re already expected to buy a gift. 

Post # 4
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I am having a bridal shower ‘high tea’ and I also specified the price. It’s not expensive and I didn’t even mention presents. I don’t expect presents at all. So are people expected to give engagement presents, bridal shower presents AND wedding presents? That’s a little crazy. 

Every bachelor party / bridal shower I have been invited to, everyone has had to pay their own way. Actually most people chip in a little more so the bride doesn’t have to pay for herself. Maybe that’s just my friends? 

Post # 5
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

Rainstorm77:  Hum. Isn’t the point of a bridal

shower to ‘shower’ the bride with gifts? I don’t really know, we don’t have them here. But they seem like a must-bring-gift event. 

Post # 6
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee

I’d go to the other event.  I have never had to pay for food at a shower; that has always been the host’s responsibility.  I would also feel odd if I went to an event where I had to bring a gift and pay for my meal.  Although, at least they told you upfront that you’d need to pay.  There was another thread recently where someone attended a party at a restaurant and everyone was expected to pay for their food when the check came, with no mention of that beforehand.  Yeesh.

Post # 7
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Catcat1:  I guess so… but I just think 3 presents from each person is getting a little on the greedy side!

Post # 8
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

i personally hate bridal showers, i think they are just gift grabby in this day and age. So i wouldn’t hesitate to decline. Paying to attend and having to give a gift and then sitting through the game….i could think of better things. 

Post # 9
Member
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Misscounselor:  I don’t know. I get what you’re saying, but I think it’s a little petty to skip the shower if this is a person you’d like to become closer friends with. Chances are, she’s not the one throwing the shower anyways and shouldn’t be penalized for the actual host’s choice. Honestly, though, I would go even if the whole thing was her idea and she was hosting. I just don’t think it’s that big of a deal. But I am also fairly lax on etiquette rules. I just don’t get offended easily enough to care about all that. I do my best to follow the “rules,” but I don’t judge people too harshly when they don’t. It’s just a little faux-pas. It’s not actual meanness or physical violence, so I say go and have fun getting to know this person better.

Post # 10
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

It’s rude. When someone is being asked to essentially  co-host,  they usually have input into the planning, the cost, the location and more. What you can’t do is to claim to be the host/organizer  of an event and then shift the cost onto people who never had any say or input  at all. Even worse if this is already a gift giving event. 

Post # 11
Member
1336 posts
Bumble bee

I’ve never heard of this before — asking guests at a shower to pay for their own cost of food.  That is a ridiculous expectation, because if the bride/family/BMs cannot afford the shower venue, etc. then they should just do a simple potluck at someone’s house with minimal to no decorations to keep costs very low.  I’ve attended a lot of weddings/showers, and NEVER have I been to one where I was asked to pay for myself AND purchase a friggin’ gift on top of that. 

Sorry, if it were me I would decline such a money/gift-oriented themed shower. 

Post # 12
Member
2913 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Rainstorm77:  Even if you don’t specify that people need to bring gifts, it is a shower. That is the whole point of the event. People chip in for the bachelorette party, yes, but a shower is usually hosted by BMs or a family member. 

 

Misscounselor:  I have been to showers at restaurants where I was expected to pay. Meh. If I had the option, though, I would go for the party where it wasn’t expected.

Post # 13
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Neither the bride nor her family can properly throw a shower, since that is like asking for gifts.  Showers are generally low key events planned by friends or family friends and they are totally optional.  Unless friends decide  to go in on a  shower as a group,  issuing requests for dishes on top of a gift  is not any more appropriate than asking guests to hand over cash. 

Post # 14
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

I would definitely decline to attend the shower.

Post # 15
Member
743 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse

Rainstorm77:  a shower is inherently a gift giving event, weddings are not.  While it’s customary to get the couple a wedding gift it is not to be expected by the couple.

The whole point of a shower is to give gifts.  So the way I look at it OP is unless it was someone I was super close with, I wouldn’t be going.  I’d probably also bring it up with the bride in case she doesn’t know whats happening because it’s really really rude…

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