Post # 1
Hi hive! I’m usually more of a lurker on these boards, but I was wondering if this had happened to anyone else …
So, BF and I have been together almost 6 years now. Would like to think his family sees me as “the real deal” especially considering how often they ask when we’re getting engaged. So now, we’re at his family reunion and it’s time for group pictures. BF’s sister (a close friend) dragged me over to the middle of the grandkids’ area. The camera was ready to go … and one of his aunts says, “Oh hey, BlondieBri – can you get out of the picture? Thanks!”
Um, am I wrong to have been pretty hurt by that? After all this time, I’m not welcome in any photos? 🙁 His family is fairly small and I know all of them. To be fair, I was the only person not part of the family by blood or marriage, but I guess I don’t see how I would have ruined a group photo. It may just be that it’s different for large families like mine and I’m overreacting. Sigh.
Anyone else ever get the boot like I did?
Post # 3
I haven’t gotten the boot like that, no. BUT– i don’t really think it is unreasonable. Family reunions are kind of special and rare, and they probably want a group photo of only the “family.” Yes, you’ve been with your bf for six years, but he has yet to make you family. It doesn’t seem totally unreasonable to not accept you as family until HE makes you family by proposing. It could be that they REALLY like you and hope he will propose… but until he does you’re still the girl friend. Sorry 🙁
Post # 4
Yep, been there. Good thing the fam kicked me out bc we broke up lol. But in your case, id be hurt as well (the one I was kicked out of was about 2 years…) Try to take it lightly, they probably didnt even consider how you’d feel, they probably just figured that since you werent married it was obvious. Youll be in there one day 🙂
Post # 5
I was never in a situation excatly like this, but I wouldn’t of been surprised if it would of happened.
If it makes you feel any better, after 4 years of dating, my husband’s mother would still introduced me as “her son’s friend” not girlfriend, just friend 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I’ve gotten the boot from photos before FI and I were engaged. It was when a bunch of family was all together (not technically a reunion, but might as well have been) and I was definitely NOT invited to join in the photos – and I was the only one there who wasn’t technically related. I didn’t take it as too much of an insult, though, because I understood that they wanted some family photos, and FI and I weren’t engaged yet (though we had been dating for about 3 years and got engaged shortly after…whatever!)
Post # 7
Ouch. Very, very ouch. *HUGS*I’m really sorry that that happened…it totally sucks. I know that some people figure that if you’re not committed by blood or marriage, they don’t feel you’ve earned the “right” to be in a family picture. This view is – in my humble opinion- twisted. Getting the boot is both humiliating and degrading. Like you’ve been downgraded to “family friend”. I don’t know. I can kind of see the other side, but if you’ve been around for more than five years and you’re planning on getting married…
Post # 8
I’ve always removed myself from this situation and waited for an invitation from the BF’s parents. I’ve just always been particularly sensitive about not looking like I’ve invited myself into the family (not that I’m saying you did, but I’ve had some BFs with very sensitive mothers in the past). While you feel close to the family – you really aren’t family…yet! I know many families that don’t include GFs and BFs in the reunion celebrations at all, so I’d try to focus on being excited that they included you in the event instead of being upset they wanted a family picture. And when you are engaged/married, being included in the picture will be that much more meaningful! I’m sure it hurt, but I honestly don’t think they meant to be hurtful – if just wasn’t addressed as sensitively as it could have been (by the aunt).
Post # 9
I don’t think that’s right at all. You’re his partner and a big part of his life for a long time now. Yeah you might never marry and break up but married people get divorced all the time! In my family if SOs are included they are included regardless of any rings. It hardly ruins the picture to have someone’s partner in them.
Sorry that happened. 🙁 Hope your FI was upset too.
Post # 10
That stinks. The Gmom is probably very traditional, my GMom still calls FI my “Friend”. Not that this will happen to you, but I was actually included in my Ex’s brothers wedding photos and totally regret it to this day. We had been together for about a year, so I could see why they chose to include me, but I really wish I had stepped out b/c now it’s weird that I’m in the pix. I mean, we broke up like right after that wedding too.
So I can see why she would do it, but even if something happens between you two the fact that you’ve been together makes you family at least for now.
Post # 11
I have been in that situation with my ex-husband when we were dating. They took some “with” and “without”. At the time I was a little hurt, but now I totally get it.
Post # 12
That is so rude! I would have been so hurt I would have probably started crying!!! I’m sorry that happened to you!
Post # 13
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
I’ve done the boot-ing before, actually. I understand that it probably sucks, but at least it’s a clean line to draw. We kicked my cousin’s girlfriend out of a whole bunch of photos at my mom’s wedding this past summer… I guess she was his fiancee but he hadn’t come out and told anyone that yet, and he’s still married to his ex-wife so I didn’t really feel all that guilty. 😉
Post # 14
Huh….I’ve had both experiences with the family. It really depended on who wanted the picture taken in the first place. Before engagement, I was usually included in immediate family pictures by his mom, but not by his dad. In extended family, I was included but he has a big family so it was a lot of people. After engagement included in all. I would say try not to take it to heart. Many boyfriends/girlfriends aren’t included in family reunions at all! Be thankful they think of you as close enough to family to be invited!
Post # 15
Aww. That does suck but I don’t think it’s completely unreasonable for them to want a “family” picture. The aunt could definitely have asked a little nicer though. I’m sure it stung at the time and I would feel the same way but I wouldn’t let it get to you. Just because you aren’t considered “family” doesn’t mean they don’t like you.
Post # 16
Even my parents don’t always go into all the inlaws family photos. They’re in some and then they get just their kids in some. Or all the grandkids go in a photo and even spouses are excluded. Of course not for all the photos but for at least some of them when a family reunion happens.