Post # 1
I am thinking about asking my roommate and friend to be our Day-of-Coordinator. I have six bridesmaids and we only started becoming close after we became roommates six months ago (we worked together before then), but I want her to have a special part in our day. She has been a bridesmaid in a number of weddings and has a great personality for being organized and assertive. I’m hesitant because I don’t want her to feel like she’s “working the wedding”. I want to make sure she’ll enjoy the day. We already have readers and ushers, maybe I could ask her to pass out the programs, but I feel like she’s been here throughout all the planning and decision making so she probably will know my wedding better than anyone. I would certainly want to give her a generous gift or offer to pay her, but maybe that would seem too business like. I could hire an actual DOC, but I’m not sure if it’s worth $1,000. I have a friend who’s doing our design so I’m not worried about the different vendors at our reception, mostly just making sure our time-line and everything runs smoothly, and having someone to take calls and be my right-hand. I asked my bridesmaids with small “will you be my bridesmaid” gifts; is it appropriate to do something similar? Again, she has a fabulous personality for coordinating and she’ll know everything that goes into my planning and I want to honor her for all of her help. What do you think? Has anyone does this before?
Post # 3
Asking her to be a DOC is not an honor, it’s a job and a responsibility. If you’re trying ot honor her friendship in some way, don’t ask her to work for you the day of your wedding.
I would hire a professional DOC and let your friend enjoy the wedding!
Post # 4
@vanessa7: I would be like, WHAT??? if a friend asked me to do this for her. She should be your guest, invited to party and celebrate. She shouldn’t have to worry if the someone’s seat card is missing or if the officiant is late. No no no!
Post # 5
@abbie017: This. DOC is not an honor, it’s a job. And usually not a very enjoyable one.
Post # 6
If it is something your friend wants to do, but it is a big task and she may not end up enjoying the day. I am the type of personality who would LOVE that role, and if she is too, then she will love it.
Post # 7
That sounds like a terrible idea. Thats definitely not an honor, that’s a job and a tough one at that. Spend the 1K for the coordinator.
Post # 8
Okay, thank you. Is there another way I can honor her and include her?
Post # 9
She could do a reading at the ceremony. A good friend of mine had me do a reading since I couldn’t afford to be a bridesmaid. It was a nice way to be included in the wedding 🙂
Post # 10
You mentioned she’s got a great personality – perhaps she’d make a great MC? That would definitely include her yet it’s not a labour intensive role.
Post # 11
@vanessa7: I’ve done this for a few close friends and it is NOT an honor – it’s definitely a job. She will NOT enjoy herself at the wedding and will be working non-stop.
If you want to hire her as your DOC, do that (and compensate her!) or if she volunteers, that’s another thing – but know she will be running around and will not be a regular guest. If you are trying to find a role for her because you want to honor her friendship, what about asking her to be your assistant as you get ready and take pictures? A friend of mine recently did that for her friend – she wasn’t a BM but she said she felt included because she was with the wedding party and enjoyed time with the rest of the wedding party.
I just noticed that your wedding is December – what about adding her as a BM?
Post # 12
My twin brothers are doing the readings, but thanks! Maybe just passing out programs, but again, seems kinda lame, like not enough of an honor.
Post # 13
Either hire a professional DOC or do without. Do not ask your friend. I’d be super pissed if someone asked me to work their wedding (unless I was in the industry and they wanted to hire me). It’s one thing if she offered, but it doesnt sound like she did…
I’m 99% sure she won’t feel “special” if you ask her to do this.
Post # 14
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Yeah I had this same question in my mind as the $1000 or whatever to hire someone is not in our budget. But I couldn’t think of any friend who would want to do this. I mean, I think a bunch of our friends will help us decorate ahead of time, etc. But they would all rather have the freedom to go get drunk and have fun rather than worry about all the details all day….
The bridal mags/websites that suggest you ask a friend as an “honor” are just plain wrong on this, unless you have that one super Type-A friend.
Post # 15
@pennylou13: Thanks! We actually have another friend who we are asking to MC, but that’s a good idea.
@oracle: Okay, thanks! I won’t ask her to be our DOC. I suppose I could have personal attendants or a “house party” but I’m not sure how to make them feel like they aren’t “reject bridesmaids”, or not as special. I suppose it’s common enough though. Plus my fiance thinks that having so many bridesmaids/groomsmen is kind of silly.
Post # 16
@lolot: Right, I guess I thought since she is super Type A that it wouldn’t be such a burden like everyone’s making it seem. I will probably just go ahead and hire one.