Post # 1
If any of you have read my past posts I’ve been going through some major drama with 2 of my bms. I finally decided I didn’t want the toxic friend in my wedding anymore. Haven’t been able to tell her personally yet as we haven’t spoken in over a week, but my birthday is Saturday if I do not hear from her by then I don’t even want to attempt a friendship with her anymore. In the meantime my fiancé has decided to add 3 more groomsmen to his side so now we are completLy uneven and I’m ok with that but fiancé is not. He wants it to be even. So I do have 3 more girls I can ask that I wanted to ask originally but didn’t because we were already uneven because one of our groomsmen is leaving for Afghanistan the end of the month and won’t be back in time for our wedding.
When I originally asked the girls to be in the wedding I got them all personalized tote bags, bottles of wine, super cute pocket calandars, and personalized cards that I had made on etsy. Plus some other little trinkets. How do I ask these new girls without making them feel like they are on the back up plan?? TheY are very special to me and I want them to know that. I plan on asking them Friday night so I don’t have time to order the cards on etsy or get them personalized tote bags. Any ideas?
Post # 3
It’s kind of hard to make your back-up friends not feel like a back-up… it seems like you’re kind of stuck in the situation now, but if it were me, I would have stood my ground about the uneven sides. To me, feelings are much more important than photos :/
Post # 4
Exactly how uneven will it be? How many BMs and how many GMs?
Post # 5
I would have also stood my ground on the uneven sides, but if that’s not an option I would try to meet with each friend separately. They are going to need to know through a heartfelt card or conversation how important they each are to you individually so they don’t feel like “backups” just because FI got more groomsmen. I would focus less on the gifts and more on what you’re going to say to them.
Post # 6
I wouldnt ask ask them to be BM’s at this point. My SIL recently found out she was a back up bridesmaid for a friend of hers, and it’s very hurtful.
You could ask them to participate some other way, so they know they are important. Maybe do a reading or something like that.
Post # 7
Do the friends know that some BMs have already been chosen? In other words, do they know that they’re second-round draft picks?
Post # 8
Tell them what you told us, they are very special to you. There is nothing wrong with an uneven bridal party, but if you really wanted these other friends to be a part of your day, be totally honest with them upfront. Let them know that the people you picked first were not the friends you thought they were. They are in no way “backups”, just people you should have asked instead.
Post # 9
I had a “back up” bridesmaid. My sister dropped out of my wedding just 6 days before. My DH gave me the suggestion that I ask our best man’s girlfriend, who I had just recently become good friends with, to be a bridesmaid. So, I asked her out to coffee and just asked her. I explained my situation, and I told her while I would love to have her stand with me as we had become good friends, she was not obligated to and I would understand if she didn’t want to do it. She decided that she would and I was so grateful to have her up there with me! We’ve become even better friends since!
I think you should just be honest with these girls. Ask him separately and in person.
Post # 10
No, do NOT ask people to be ‘back up’ bridesmaids. They will know they were not your first picks. And I would hope that if you go against this advice, you will not EVER refer to them as ‘back ups’.