Post # 1
I’ve gotten so much good advice, I can’t help but ask for a little more.
So, I have two bridesmaid conundrums. First, my FI’s brother will be a groom, and he is dating a woman I LOVE. I don’t have a sister, and my FI doesn’t have any sisters, so she is my best chance, at least until my own brother gets married, to have a sister. FBIL and this woman are on the march towards marriage themelves, in the process of buying a house, talking about kids, etc.
The problem is that they fight pretty often. As much as I would selfishly love to see them get married, because we are close, I can’t honestly say that they will be together when we get married. They could be engaged, or bitterly split up, its 50/50. I would love to build our relationship more by asking her, but I am worried they will split and it will be horrible. Should I chuck that idea and find somone else, or should take a wait and see? How long can I wait (wedding probably in a year, ignore the date on my name).
Second (thanks for the patience!) I want to ask my two best friends from college, both of whom are broke. I am getting married in California, both of them are back East. So, already it will be tough on them, financially. I am happy to help them be a part of my bridal party. Is there a good way to strike the balance that I can’t promise to pay for every little thing, but that I am willing to do what I can to make it possible for them both to be there?
Post # 3
You can definitely ask your college friends. Two of my bridesmaids are unemployed–one of them is my sister who is in college. I remember how destitute I was in my undergrad days, so I bought her dress for her. I happened to find the exact style and color and size for my sister brand new with the tags on eBay for 60% of the price they charge at David’s Bridal, so that was pure luck. But there are affordable bridesmaid dresses out there. If you are comfortable with it, you can always ask your bridesmaids to find whatever dress they like, as long as it is in the color and fabric of your choosing. That’s what I did, and it worked out very well. Or, you could offer to pay a certain amount toward the dress.
As for your fueding friends, you can still ask her to be a part of the wedding. If they should part ways before you say "I DO", if she is a good friend, she will still be there for you regardless of how she feels about her ex. If you think they might cause a scene, you may talk to them individually before the wedding and ask them to behave themselves as it is your day and you wanted both of them to share in this joyous event with you.
Post # 4
Broke friends: Go for it! Just make sure to be honest with yourself — will you be upset if they can’t make it to the bachelorette/showers? (Flights are expensive!) Just have an honest conversation with them. My best friend is in a tough place right now and I talked to her and I said I would rather have her show up at my side on the wedding day in jeans and a tshirt then to not have her there. She got that. And she’s all for it. I am going to pay for her dress, but she plans to try to pay me back, if she does, she does, if she doesnt, oh well. I want her by my side. She probably won’t be able to attend my shower or bachelorette … but she is always there for me when I need her.
As for the potential future sister-in-law … that’s a little more questionable. I think you should talk to your fiance about it. Ask him if he thinks that they will be able to be mature about things if their relationship does end. You could also have him ask his brother for his thoughts. Usually this is something that is only the brides decision — but this is his family (your future family) and you don’t want to cause any sort of undue dirress for the family. I think that as it gets closer to the day, and they are still dating, you could ask her to come get ready with the bridesmaids and you in the morning and then maybe she could also do a reading? That ones a tough one, but I think it is important to talk to all the people involved.