Post # 1
A friend was engaged last year and called off the wedding a month in advance. They are now re-engaged and planning the wedding, again. We already bought ($265) dresses for the 1st occassion. She is now asking us to buy another dress ($188) for the new wedding — to the same person. How do we approach this matter? Do we tell her that we think she should buy the 2nd dress? Should we buy the 2nd dress and not bat an eye? The first dresses have never been worn or altered. Please note: she is marrying the same person.
Post # 3
Good heavens. Tell her you will all wear the first dress you already bought and paid for, or she can order and pay for the second dress. Her choice. When you agree to be a bridesmaid, you’re generally implicitly agreeing to buy ONE dress, but not two!! Maybe phrase it gently; I’m sure that she’s just really excited and wanting to differentiate the new wedding plans from the old so that there are no bad feelings about the broken engagement, but this should not extend to asking her bridesmaids to double their costs. I think if all of you explain to her together that it’s a bit hard on the finances to be expected to buy two dresses for the same event and not ever wear one of them, she should understand. If she doesn’t, then I would personally tell her you regretfully will have to step down and just be a regular guest.
Post # 4
Second smartl. I can’t wrap my head about her expecting you to buy a second dress. =
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2018 - St. Clement Church, Cafe Brauer (or a big church wedding and a fancy party at a cafe in Lincoln Park.
Maybe you could also suggest that she buy a sash, wrap or silk flower to add to the first dress if she wants to differentiate between the two. I would definitely let her know how you feel. That is a major expense!
Post # 6
I agree with everyone! No way would I buy two dresses. I suggest either altering the first one (making it tealength, dying it, adding a sash) or she pays for the second one!! 🙂 That’s a ridiculous expectation of her! Has she ever been a bridesmaid?? Maybe she’s just not thinking!
Post # 7
I agree. Just have it altered for change. I wouldn’t be happy at all with someone who asked me to buy another dress!
Post # 8
I’m shocked that she would even ask you to buy another dress! I would talk to her gently about the situation. Does the first dress no longer fit with her tastes/theme/colors? If that is the case and if she is dead set on having the BMs get a second dress, then I would talk to her about the possibility of her paying for the second dress. Paying $265 for a dress is a lot to ask for already, IHMO, and to ask a girl to buy yet another dress is a little too much. I mean, how many times will you wear either dress? On top of that, the BMs still have to host the bridal shower and throw the bachelorette party…and cover travel expenses if they’re coming in from OOT. From your post, it sounds like this isn’t just your concern, but the other BMs are also on the same page. Perhaps they can also talk to her about it individually so it doesn’t seem like a group attack. Maybe when she hears that this is an issue for all the bridesmaids, she might reconsider or offer to pay (hopefully!).
Post # 9
Yup. I second and third and fourth all of the previous posts. That’s just ridiculous!
I mean, if it was a dress that was under $100, that’s one thing… but they definitely aren’t cheap!
Post # 10
i haven’t read everyone else’s comments above btu i say that you guys should get together and tell her in one voice that you all would like to wear the $265 dresses you bought the first go round.
having you all buy different dresses sounds ridiculous! neither of the dresses are cheap and they haven’t even been altered yet.
i say a nice little sit down, spoken in concerned hush tones would suffice.
Post # 11
If she wants you to wear new dresses, she should pay for them. ANd tell her that. It’s not your fault they are indecisive. No offense here. but she should just be planning the same wedding she already planned!
Post # 12
Definite! That is insenstive of your friend to think that it was okay for her to ask that of you! Without a doubt, I would have told her that I would not like to buy a second dress (was it hideous looking at least?), and if she doesn’t like it, then she could buy you the dress or find someone else that can afford to pay for the dress. I know that’s a little mean, but its obviously she didn’t think to ask for your input when she made her request.
I didn’t even asked my bridesmaids to pay for the dress the first time around (this time), I’m forking over the money to pay to have all four dresses made, i didn’t feel that it would be right to ask them to spend on a dress that they wouldn’t ever wear again (and I’m trying to pick out something they will be able to wear later to make my money’s worth)..but the dress is the my gift to the girls!
Post # 13
tacky, tacky, tacky…Sheshould definitely not be asking you to do this. simply decline and if sheasks why tell her.
Post # 14
I agree with the others! I’m surprised she hasn’t paid you all back for the first dresses, actually… Hold firm!
Post # 15
The only way this would be even slightly okay is if all the bridemaids loved the $265 dress they bought last year so much that you all have worn them multiple times and they are getting ratty.
Otherwise – I’d have a chat with the bride – ackward as it is likely to be. Good Luck!