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Did you tell your boyfriend specifically that you wanted him to ask your Dad's permission first before proposing to you?
Did he do it on his own?
Or not at all. I think some people think that's old fashion these days, do you still think it's tradition, do people still do that? I have no clue.
but so my question is, do they need to be told? 
.......
his friends are not married and as single as they get. I'm hoping his parents or family would tell him to do it so i wouldn't have to, but I worry about it.
Even just a phone call would be better than nothing. But I don't want to tell him to do it, I just want him to do it. 
They are not that close, and I don't think he has seen him since May and I know it didn't happen then. He could be a bit intimidated by my Dad but my Dad is one of my best friends in the world he means a lot to me. Since my sisters husband asked my dad I don't want him to resent my boyfriend for not doing it if he doesn't. I also think it could be a hold up for him and why he hasn't proposed yet because my dad was out of town for so long or just cause he's more scared of that answer than my own. But then again I just have no clue what's going on or if he even knows to do that. Hoping he's not worried about it at all or has already done it. But...he's a boy. He drags feet. And there's a high possibility he would just skip it so he doesn't have to. I could see that happening.
do you think he will just do it? should I blurt it out? I try not to talk wedding talk so he thinks that I don't know that it's coming so he can surprise me. sigh.
how about leaving a little piece of paper with my dads cell phone number on it next to the ring box? I know where the ring is. And he knows I know where it is because he doesn't care I know where it is. he'd probably love it if i just wore it and started planning away.
So as much as I don't want to make him, if he proposed and didn't ask my dad I wouldn't know what to do. I would be like go back in time!!!!!
which I don't want to happen.
and hopefully this is all completely normal feelings that everyone goes though.
I don't think my Dad will give him a hard time at all, my Dad is the nicest guy. I think my parents only worries are if he is going to marry me or not, I think my Dad would be really excited if he finally did come to him and confess how much he loves me and promises to take care of me. He shows it though, thats for sure. for him that's enough, I don't know if that is enough for my Dad. And to me having my Dad walk me down the isle and being asked for permission are his roles in this wedding/marriage that I want to be special for him too. unfortunately that part is out of my hands and all in his.
oh my, am I just trying to control somthing out of my control? yikes. I want to let him do his thing and back away, but it does worry me.
not so sure what to do?
Does he know your sisters bf did? If not I would somehow work it into the conversation about how sweet it was, etc etc. Maybe it will be on something your watching. For all you know, he may have asked already.
I don't have a great relationship with my father but FI did ask my mother (i had no clue). I know she really appreciated it.
I mentioned to him, prior to the engagement, that I'd like it, and I knew my dad would, if he did..but he never ended up asking! But its ok, my parents (and I) love him all the same =)
No i don't think he knows that my BIL did. And that is a good point but it's weird for me to just come out and say that...hmm.
if he thought about it though my BIL is a lawyer and does everything by the books and the way it is supposed to be. so of course he did that too.
my boyfriend is more of a DIY'er.
ha!
My Husband asked on his own - i think my dad really appreciated it. but thats a really tough situation..its like you want to give him the chance before speaking up but guys dont read minds either. id try to slip in into conversations somewhere, or if you are wathing some wedding themed show or movie say hmm i wonder if he asked her dad before proposing..
Well, I never talked about it at all, but I'm not close to my dad so my FI probably knew I WOULDN'T want him to ask. Same reason my dad's not walking me up the aisle- I just don't want to be "given away" by someone who I have a poor relationship with.
Does your bf know your family is traditional? Are you close to your dad? Those cues could be good enough but a lot of guys wouldn't think to ask the dad. So you might have to leave some sort of subtle hint for him. The dad's phone number by the ring box is probably okay :)
My FI knows I'm really close with my entire family, so he asked both my parents as well as my sister, all together when I was out one day.
I had mentioned to him that I could never marry anyone my parents didn't like or approve of, and so he knew it would mean alot to me that he asked (plus he needed their help with the proposal!).
Mention that your sister's DH asked, and that you know it meant a lot to your dad....he'll connect the dots. I also think most guys know anyway, so my guess would be he's planning to do it regardless.
My dad would have been disappointed had FI not asked permission. So would I. When I mentioned to FI about asking permission he basically said, "what? I have to do that?" He was the first of his friends to get engaged.
So after FI took me to look at rings one day I knew it getting close. So I reminded him about talking to my dad, and pretty much told him how he should do it (as in where, not what to say). He was very nervous as he and my dad don't have much in common.
He did it exactly how I suggested, and my dad was thrilled :)
Maybe you can bring it up by talking about how each of your parents did it and sneak it in there somewhere :)
Every guy is different I think. I just hinted that's what I wanted. When talking about getting married I would say things like yeah but you need my Dad's permission first. If that makes sense. Like, sneaking it into the conversation.
I mentioned to him in a joking way that he had to ask my Dad for my hand when we were talking about rings and the proposal thing came up. In the end, he put off proposing until we went home to visit so he could do just that. He did, we did and we are. If he knows that you know he has a ring, maybe just a lighthearted hint?
i should mention that my boyfriend and I go way back 13 years. My BIL and Sister were able to keep their relationship problems away from my parents and since we had a baby when we were young we raised our son apart for awhile so our relationship issues were apparent to my parents. My boyfriend is completely over the past and knows that he messed up and he hates it being brought up. it's nightmare-ish for him I'm sure. He has been working really hard towards a much better future with us in it and proving that to my parents, but I would imagine he is dreading the talk. So I do begin to wonder if this is the reason he calls me his fiance, and tells everyone else that we are engaged but he still hasn't proposed. sigh.
I just hope he and my Dad know I love him with all my heart and this is what I want...have always wanted since I was younger. geesh. proving love should not be hard. we are living proof of happiness. :)
I mentioned that I would want him to ask my parent's for my hand in marriage. He later told me that he planned on asking them anyways. It's just an etiquette thing nowadays, unless you're in an arranged marriage (which I'm not).
We talked about it, but I didn't tell him he had to. I am a daddys girl though and besides FI, my dad is the most important man in my life. So FI did it out of respect for me and my dad and I am SO glad he did! It meant the world to me. :)
And of course my dad said yes. He loves FI.
I asked my FI not to ask my dad. It's our decision to get married, not my dad's.
If you want him to do it, you can always bring it up casually. Like if there's a commercial for a wedding show use it as an excuse to say something like "I'd want my dad's blessing before we're engaged." If he looks at you like you have three heads you could just say the wedding commerical made you think about it.
I think he brought it up b/c he is old-fashioned but didn't want me (more modern independent woman) to be offended. Also we aren't that good at surprises and usually lean towards discussing big things like that rather than having it be unexpected and less perfect. So I would just tell him that if he's planning to propose it would mean a lot to you if he asked.
so if it's etiquette then he should just know to do it and do it? right? he is a southern gentlemen. but he is also an artist and skateboarder and does not have the mindset of guys that are more traditional.
If you think it would be best for your SO to ask your father, and you don't think it will occur to him to do it on his own, you should probably mention that you would like for him to do that. I'm sure he would want to make the best possible impression on your parents, and if this is something that's important to your family, it's something he should do.
We didn't have a tradtional proposal situation -- we mutually decided that we wanted to get married. I did not want DH to ask my parents, and he didn't want to do it, either. Personal opinion here, but I was not my parents' property, and there was no permission needed.
We told my parents we were getting married, and for months afterward, as we planned the wedding, my mom repeatedly mentioned that she "thought it would be nice" if DH called and asked my dad (even though we were already engaged and actively planning a wedding...?). We refused, and eventually she stopped asking.
I think it depends on several things. Most of which has been mentioned.
If it's something that you want him to do. I would for sure mention it. Because if he doesn't, then you will always wish he had.
You could always give him your dad's number..And just say.. "if and when" :)
Put the ball in his court.
I asked my FI if he was going to and he said he was so I never really had to say anything. If it's really important to you, you might want to mention it. You know men..sometimes you have to tell them. :)
My parents really want my boy to ask, but he doesn't want to ask them. That sounds like they don't get along - but they do! In the 4 years we have been together, he has become part of the family. They have given him their blessing that many times - like when we first moved in together and when we first bought a house and again when we talked with them about possibly getting married. So he knows the answer is a yes, and he doesn't want to make a big deal out of it.
He also said, which is 100% true, my parents only want him to ask so they will know when it is going to happen.
So while I think it would be nice if he asked, I see his point and kinda half agree with him!
Does he know you're in weddingbee?? Maybe you can give him a hint telling him about a cute story about how someone's FI asked that someone's father's permission, and talk about how cute and appropiate that is.
My fiance asked me if he should ask my dad and I said No. He just needs to ask me. I really feel like my dad has nothing to do with it, and it is not his decision. His opinion in this matter doesn't count!
That being said, if you really want him to ask your dad, you need to find a way to communicate this. Or you can see if he does it himself. But maybe he is not traditional-minded and doesn't feel like he should have to involve your dad, that it is your decision to make.
My FI knew not to ask my parents--I told him on multiple occasions. And I'm really close with my parents!! I'd have been confused if he asked my parents, and angry if he only asked my Dad and not my Mom. I get that some people like the tradition of asking, but why does it so frequently exclude the mom??? My parents are super progressive though and told me even when I was little that they hated this particular "tradition." On the other hand, FSIL wants her bf to ask her father, and she's sort of casually mentioned that she likes the tradition but not come right out and told him it's what she wants. Whatever floats your boat!
i told my FI he had to ask for a blessing. Like, when we started dating :)
Close with my dad and if he is taking away daddies lil girl out of respect and to make ur dad feel special and that his opinion matters it should be asked everyones family situation is different but to me its huge deal.
My FI asked for a quick primer on American tradition. My father unfortunately passed away, so he asked my momma and my brother :)
Start the lines of communication now! If something is important to you and your family -make it known. We all come with different expectations and life experiences!
I was surprised to find out that my FI called my dad as he was buying my ring to ask permission. My dad was sooo impressed and I thought it was really sweet.
Not sure what to say here. My FI asked my dad, but I never told him to do that. I hope your BF does!
I told my BF that I would absolutely turn down his proposal if he didn't ask my father's permission. In reality, I wouldn't turn it down haha. I'm a little old fashioned, though, I'd like my father's permission to get married. I suggest telling your BF straight up that you want him to ask your dad's permission. Men are big dumb oafs and (unfortunately) they aren't mind readers. It's always best to just lay it out for them haha.
thanks ladies! its good to hear others stories. I'm okay if he does or doesn't, i see thats his choice and after thinking about it a lot today I realized I may have told him already years ago anyway. But it wouldn't hurt to bring it up and i'm working on the courage to do so :)
Yes, he asked my dad, no I had no idea he had come to my home and asked him. Did it knock me off my feet when he said he had asked my parents.... yes! He asked both mother and father.
I personally don't care too much if he were to ask. However, I think my parents would be hurt if he didn't. So, I told him it's something that needs to happen, for them. My parents have described my relationship with him as very non-traditional and ass backwards. :) Which it has been. Met online. Sex on the 1st date. Moved in together before we were engaged. Bought a house. I've been heavily involved with the ring shopping.
My parents are very traditional. I know they'd accept him not asking but I know it would break their hearts. So, I told him it's a requirement. :)
My mom specifically told him NOT to ask permission, haha. The topic came up in a conversation with another family member and she slipped it in casually, even though we were more than a year away from getting engaged at the time. By the time we got engaged, we'd been together for almost 7 years, so I guess permission was kind of assumed, and my dad isn't the kind of guy who would want to have that conversation. I think they were both relieved.
My FI doesnt have many friends, and the ones that he has are 'as single as they come', as well. He also has not had a long term relationship before. Since these two things were against him in the 'knowing to ask my dad without me telling him to' category, I thought I had to tell him someday that I expected him to do that before a proposal.
Fast forward to when we started talking a lot about engagement, and he said to me, "I have to find a way to talk to your dad". I was relieved that he knew to do it.
Moral of the story, I think a lot of guys know to do it and that it is a tradition. We are not traditional people, but he knew it would mean a lot to my dad, so he did it out of respect. I had a friend whose sister's FI did not ask, he just proposed out of the blue, and her dad was really hurt. He felt as though his part in the engagement was missed, and dad's really don't have too much to do during a wedding process (aside from the permission and walking down the asile), since it usually is the bride/mother of the bride's day.
He probably knows he needs to do it.
My father would not go for something like that. It's hard to explain my family, so the best guess I can make is my father would say "You're adults, do what you want." So I told DH not to ask him.
I told him he should talk to my dad first. I'm the only girl and I thought that if my mom was alive she would have gotten kick out of it. Turns out the whole thing got messed up, and FI never asked. My dad gave us his blessing tho, and thought FI's gesture of trying to ask was a nice one. I thought it might give them a bonding moment. oh well lol it worked out.
This depends on the family. My family is very traditional and so is his. He's getting both sets of parents together to ask for their blessing. Of course this is all without me present... :P
Well being from the South, asking the parents is still a pretty common thing. My ex-fi knew to ask and he did ask both my dad and mom. He took off work and drove 2 hours to my mom's city and asked her and then back 2 hours to ask my dad. My dad is a very intimidating guy so for my ex to ask him was a big deal. My first question after he proposed the next morning was, "did you ask my parents?" I want my next guy to ask my parents because that's just how I was raised.
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