Asking Favors from Guests…Right Before the Wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would NEVER EVER ask my guests for ANY type of help.

Post # 4
Member
860 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I personally would not feel comfortable asking friends (and friends of friends) to work for me for free at the last minute.  Especially when it comes to alcohol, I’m even more cautious hiring someone, just anyone, to serve drinks.  There is too much liability for me.  If my licensed bar tender flaked out at the last minute, I would just have to shut the bar down.   

Post # 5
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

Low key affair or not, they should have had a bar tender. Or formally hired one of these ‘friends’ for the entire scale of the event. It was completely thoughtless of her not to hire one from the start, but extremely rude of her to have you all do it. I would have not shown up. You don’t host a wedding reception and get your friends, or even acquaintances, to work it. Unless that was a worked out thing beforehand…no. Just no.

Post # 6
Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It wasn’t very classy or organized of the couple to fail to anticipate this need and to pass the work onto their guests last-minute…but it was INCREDIBLY classy and gracious of your BF’s friends (and you) to step up and do it, and particularly nice of them to be so low-key about it. (Maybe they enjoyed the chance to play bartender with booze they didn’t have to buy?)

Maybe I’m just being a Pollyanna, but I would try to reframe this experience and see the positives: you played an instrumental role in making these people’s wedding a success; you know that your BF’s college friends all really have each others’ backs in a tough situation, and that speaks well of their character; and you know that this couple owes you one in the future!

 

Post # 7
Member
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

If something fell through last minute, I might ask someone for help, but I would have picked someone I was really close with, not somebody’s plus one.  I had 8 family members that were asked beforehand to help set up our reception space (just tie some chair sashes and put out centrepieces), but it was arranged well in advance, and people that I would (and have) done the same for them at their weddings.

Post # 9
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Before I rush to judgement, i would want to know if this was a last minute no-show by someone hired to bartend.

Sometimes a girl’s gotta do, what a girl’s gotta do.

It sounds like it was the college friends who assigned you a shift, not the bride.

Post # 10
Member
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@corasong:  LMAO. I mean, I would have a hard time finding it a forgettable thing — the booze ain’t gonna pour itself, y’all — but perhaps people who have planned more casual weddings or who take a more “go with the flow” stance towards wedding planning would be likely to forget this. Maybe your BF’s friend is just an amazing bartender?

Also, to be fair, I just asked my husband how he would feel about bartending someone’s wedding on the fly and he basically made a face of pure delight and wonder. (This might not be how he would feel about it in the actual moment, but it seems that the idea is not entirely unappealing, LOL.)

Post # 12
Member
1793 posts
Buzzing bee

If she forgot to get a bartender it was rude and tactless.  If someone cancelled at the last minute and she was in a lurch that’s a different story.  Sounds like she forgot.

If the thread on things that bug you as a guest hadn’t been closed (and I really thought that was a silly move) I would have listed when guests are asked to help clean up or work at the wedding.

Post # 13
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

I think the difference is in the fact that you were asked to help and it wasn’t a demand of any sort. As a friend, I’d help in any way I could to help things run more smoothly, without batting an eye OR being miffed about it. I just don’t see it as a big deal in the scheme of things, but since you were a date, I most certainly wouldn’t have included you in the rotation. You could have said no…

 

Post # 16
Member
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@corasong:  OMG no what is wrong with those people? I think you should invite them to your wedding and then ask them to take over the bar for an hour. Your guests are not vendors. 

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