Asking FI for money?

posted 3 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2474 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, I would never ask my DH for thousands and thousands of dollars like they do on that show. However, if I need cash for the toll road and I don’t want to go to the bank, I’ll ask DH. I don’t ever ask him to buy me things – clothes, jewelry, etc. If we go on a coffee break, I might ask him to pay since I picked up the last round. We usually just even things out.

I have no problem asking him for small amounts ($5 here and there). I don’t ask him for anything else. I have my own money. As for asking other people for money – of course not! I don’t rely on other people to help me with my problems. That’s what DH is for (if it’s absolutely necessary). 

Post # 4
Member
1931 posts
Buzzing bee

Never. I don’t even ask for grocery money, even though we live together and I make maybe $100 a week at my part-time job (full time student), while he has a full time, very well paying job. I struggle to pay for them myself. 

 

Post # 5
Member
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@renwoman:  That sounds more like a parent/child relationship than a partnership. Our money is for both of us so there is no need to ask. Neither of us would spend money on stupid stuff thankfully.

Post # 6
Member
6073 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

As enganed and not living together?  No I would never ask.  I would hope that I could support myself and if I got into a huge pickle, I’d figure how to get out of it.

H even offered to pay for my tuition while we were dating (with reimbursement).  I said no I want to do this myself so I used student loans.  I did pay them off before we merged our money after engagement though.

Post # 7
Member
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Mostly our conversations go like this:

Me: Hey, who’s taking care of it?

FI: Well, you took care of dinner yesterday, so I’ll cover lunch today.

Me: You sure?  I can pay.

FI: No, I insist.

Me: OK… You sure?

[Repeat as necessary, flipping roles once in a while.]

I also find it really uncomfortable to ask for money, so I don’t.  Now, if they offer, I might ask “Are you sure?” about fifty times, but I’ll say yes, because hey, it’s a gift, right?

Post # 8
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

We’ve never really seen it as “his money” or “my money,” it’s “our” money, so niether of us needs to “ask” the other person.  If there’s a large purchase (for example, a car) we’ll discuss it, but for everything else we do just fine using “our” money as we see fit.  

Post # 9
Member
10384 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I have more of an issue with a woman needing to ask for money from a man, especially in a marriage. It’s joint. If you’re only engaged, the wedding budget, and every contract signed/monetary obligation agreed to should be discussed beforehand so that all the cards are on the table. Nobody should need to ask anyone for money because all parties should already know what’s expected of them.

Post # 10
Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Now that we’re married it’s a non-issue.  But even when we were dating, if I needed $20 and didn’t feel like running to the atm on my way I’d just ask him for it.  We didn’t live together but still shared a lot of expenses.  I ate there all the time and he’d buy groceries then I’d buy Costco stuff, it about evened about.  No one kept track.  If it was $100 I’d try to pay him back next time I hit the atm, but it was usually “don’t worry about it.”  He did the same to me – need $10 for lunch?  Sure, check my wallet.

Post # 11
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

If I need money, I’d rather ask FH for it than anyone else. He asks me for money occasionally. It evens out eventually. 

Post # 12
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

DH and I have had finances combined for almost 2 years, so I dont ever have to ask him for money (I may have I need cash and dont want to go to the ATM), but at the same time I wont go out and spend thousands of dollars without H’s consent/knowing, nor could I see myself asking DH for thousands of dollars.

Post # 13
Member
559 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I haaaaate asking people for money.  I’ve had to ask FI for gas money twice when I first moved here and was still job-searching – he had no problems with it and wanted to help me out.  I felt horrible!!!  

Post # 14
Member
552 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I generally do not ask people for money. My FI and I share most expenses. We split groceries, meals out, etc. So he pays for groceries one week, I pay the next. If I paid for our last supper out, he pays for the next one. He makes three times more than I do, but his mortgage is also about three times what mine is, so I don’t think it would be fair for him to pay for more. I have asked my Mom for money a few times since we started planning our wedding. She and my Dad offered to pay for half of everything, and said to just let them know when and how much we needed, so I’ve just been doing that. It still feels a little weird, but I know that they’ll either be giving me the money now or after the wedding, so I don’t let it bother me.

Post # 15
Member
846 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

We’re still in the dating phase and we also do not live together. The only shared expense we have is our cell phone and the gym.

And we are both broke most of the time so I would feel extra guilty asking him for money knowing that he needs it just as much as I do.

So no, right now, I do not feel comfortable asking him for money. We still view our money as my money, your money. We won’t look at it as “our” money until we combine finances.

Which will probably be when we get married. My credit is not that great so I don’t want to combine finances before marriage. I want to repair my credit first THEN combine finances. 

Post # 16
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@renwoman:  

Hi there. I’m with you, it’s weird to ask. FH and I have lived together for 3 years now. I’m in charge of groceries and sometimes I do hit him up for cash. Like yesterday, I asked for $60 to go towards food. Yes, it was a teensy bit awkward but it gets easier. J Listen, if he wants to eat healthy, that stuff ain’t cheap and he eats like a HORSE. I want to eat healthy too so it costs a bundle. Him kicking in here and there is just the cost of eating a lot of fresh, non-processed food. He understands and gladly obliges.

I haven’t asked or demanded money but then again, I’d like to think I’m usually reasonable with my requests and they are infrequent so why would he deny me? I don’t ask for money for “fun” shopping or going out.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors