Post # 1
My brother-in-law and his girlfriend sent out the birthday invitations for my nephews first birthday party. In the invitation she made a note (like it was drafted from the baby) saying he didnt want any toys and please make a minumum contribution to his college savings account. It gave the detailed instructions on how to do it. This is bothering me big time. They are his parents and I feel like they should be saving for their own kids college or it should be an option, not a note saying please do it. I sadly admit that its not often that i contribute to my own kids college fund so im having trouble contributing to theirs. My borther in law makes over 180k per year and his girlfriend stays at home and is one of those people who spends all his money. She is always wearing the brand names, her baby needs to wear expensive Nike shoes etc. etc. So seriosuly! I can understand not wanting any more toys but I know the baby could use some clothes for when he’s older or maybe some books or something. I dunno. Should I just stop being the problem causer and send in the money? Does anyone have suggestions of what gifts I could give him other than the college savings money? Thanks for listening to me complain!
Post # 2
College savings are pretty standard gifts for baby birthdays, although they shouldn’t be mandatory like it seems. I try to contribute to our nieces/nephews funds because it’s something that they will need in the future instead of toys they’ll be done with in a couple months, regardless of parent’s situations. If you want to get him something else I’d get a couple outfits or a giftcard to babies r us or somewhere. I’m also making a scrapbook for my nephew’s first bday which could be another option.
Post # 3
I think asking for money in any regard is tacky. This would absolutely rub me the wrong way, too!
Post # 4
JiminyCricket: +1. I’m not a fan of people demanding gifts. By their very nature, gifts are what I choose to give. It would be totally different if you had asked, OP, but writing it on the invitation is so tacky. For me, I love to give people gifts that are appreciated but as soon as I start to feel obligated, I give nothing.
Post # 5
I personally always give money for a first birthday with those exact intentions. Most parents buy all the clothes the child may need and they always have tons of toys, so my gift is for when the child is older, they will need a good amount of money in the bank to help pay for their car and insurance as well as college. I had an aunt who only put money in an account for me as a child and that alone paid for my first year of college. (Which was a long time ago, definitely wouldn’t pay for a whole year now with the cost of things!) On the other hand, you are the gift giver and you give whatever you want to give. Do whatever will make you feel most comfortable.
Post # 6
I’m no fan of money talk in invitations, either. HOWEVER, I will say that I am much more apt to contribute to a college fund than a wedding fund. At least with a college fund, I’m investing in an education vs a wedding/honeymoon fund where I’m paying for your house or trip to Bora Bora.
Also, you don’t know their financial situation as well as you might think. Sounds like you also just don’t like the GF and that’s rubbing you the wrong way more than the invitation itself. Did they send these invitations out to every person they know or just family? If it was just family/close friends, I think that context matters.
Post # 7
I agree, super tacky writing they prefer cash on the invite. But they probably have more than enough toys, clothes, books, stuff for the baby If they decided to write for cash. My inlaws do the same thing- they make a lot of money and have sooo much baby stuff it’s ridiculous. They didn’t write cash only on the invite, but when we asked what the baby needed, they said they don’t need anything! If you dont feel comfortable giving a check or cash, can you buy the baby an ‘experience’? Like music classes, mommy and me class, something like that? Or maybe a cd of baby music Or singalongs? Or a gift card to babies r us or the like?
Post # 9
1234sophia: I think including it with the invite might annoy me slightly but my family have always been big believers in children’s gifts being money into a savings account for them, whether it is for when they are older or specifically for college, or books. When my parents’ godson was born, they opened a bank account for him with some money in, alll other gifts have been money into that account or books. I suppose for us everyone who knew my parents somehow just knew that books were a better gift than toys for us. It may have been word of mouth initially, but once we started reading my brother and i didn’t stop so I guess that played into it.
Every child’s birthday we attend, either I do the cake or we buy them books. So I would be upset that they are saying we only want this. If it was more of an we would prefer it if he was given books or a donation to his college fund I might be less upset. That being said, I think a donation to his college fund is probably the best gift he could be given. I would take how much I would have spent on a gift and put it into the fund, if that falls below the “minimum amount” (that bit would piss me off), I would give it to the parents with the request that it be added to their next installment into the account.
Post # 10
Makes more sense to me than buying a baby another outfit or toy they will outgrow in three months.
Post # 11
so so tasteless to send an invite that reads like an invoice
Post # 12
I like the idea of contributing to a college fund but I think it’s very tasteless to put it on the invitation. They must know it’s tacky and think writing it like the baby would write it would come off cuter.
I hate being told what to give as a gift.
Post # 13
MrsN14: we gave them a bond when he was born so i think they are standard as gifts, but to be ask is a whole other thing! i like the outfit idea but its preferred we not buy the baby clothes because they prefer certain brands of clothing items! lol!
JiminyCricket: somethingblue04:CityBearBride: tacky is the perfect word! i wasnt sure how to describe it but i find it tacky as well!
Mrs_Amanda: maybe the problem is that I do know their financial situation too much! we didnt believe his brother had as much in his 401k as he said so he showed us the statement ! WOWZA! They also just did a home remodel. Its not that i dont like the GF because we really get along. I mostly laugh off her boushy ways as funny but this bothered me. I wasnt joking either that we are not allowed to buy the baby clothes because she prefers certain brands.
prahajess: BtoR: books is a nice idea – he will need books throughout his childhood.
chasesgirl: I know I know but at some point he wants the toys! its the parents job to provide college funds its the aunts job to be fun and give toys and candy 🙂
MrsBuesleBee: lol! i like that – your right, it does read like an invoice with all the detailed info!
Post # 14
SunnierDaysAhead: me too! Any gift should be appreciated! I would love people to contribute to my kids college funds but I would NEVER ask!
Post # 15
What did you plan on giving him before this came in the mail? Give him that.