(Closed) Asking for money instead of gifts

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

This is widely regarded as an etiquette no-no–the best way to do it that I can think of is by word-of-mouth. People generally give money at a wedding anyway, so please avoid doing things like a money registry. 😉 I’ve seen those before, and it’s not pretty.

EDIT: And to be honest, I’d be pretty appalled if the B&G asked for money to fund their house OR their honeymoon. My gift in that case would not be money but a book on etiquette.

Post # 4
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think it is in very bad taste to ask for money.

I also don’t think there is any way that isn’t awkward to convey that to people.

Post # 5
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I will give you fair waring.  This is a very heated topic amongst the bees.  You will probably get passionate responses on both sides.

My Fiance and I are doing a House Fund also.  Everyone in our families know that we have been saving to buy the house I grew up in for quite some time.  Some websites that have been recommended to me by other Bees are:



http://www.honeyfund.com (there is supposed to be a house fund option, too)

Most of the sites do have a service charge, but usually in the 3-8% range.  Think of it like sales tax.  The giver has the option to pay the fee, or it will be deducted when you cash out.

We will probably do just a small registry for some good knives (mine are shot) and some other small items.  This will be for the hard-line traditionalists.

I would ask your bridesmaids pass the word along to guests that you are saving to buy a house and would be grateful for contributions to your “nest egg”.

Good Luck Wink

Post # 6
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

We went the word of mouth route.  We had a traditional registry for those who really wanted to buy a tangible gift, but our moms did a pretty good job of subtly suggesting that we have a lot of stuff, and would appreciate a monetary gift.

Post # 7
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I went to a wedding recently and on the invitation it said “monetary donations well appreciated”  I am with you and I dont want additional crap in our house..I am still on the fence as to what I should do though!

Post # 8
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

If you don’t want the items, why not just not do a registry of any kind? People will likely take the hint and just write you a check.

Post # 9
3613 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think this is a cultural thing. In my home country everyone gives money (or gold easily convertible to cash). I don’t see why it’s tacky. But since people seem to regard it as so here, I would second Scottielass’ suggestions. It’s not really lying, everyone knows the money they paid for “scuba diving trip” or whatever on Honeyfund is not really going to go to that.

Post # 10
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@pat291: Oooh. I would find that to be really tacky. “Donations” makes it sound like you aren’t asking for a gift, but that you are instead a charity. The actual definition of donation implies charity and or “a good cause.” Not the same as a gift.

I don’t think there is a good way to handle this in terms of a shower. Showers almost always feature the bride and/or groom opening presents. I don’t think opening cards with money and annoucing how much everyone gave you would work. I just don’t think people will be happy giving money for a shower, and if they do, I wouldn’t expect them to repeat that at the wedding.

Meanwhile, for the wedding, I think registering for a honeymoon fund or something like that would be useful. But I just don’t think it’s right to dictate how your friends and families choose to celebrate your wedding.

Post # 11
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We had a little thing in with our directions that suggested that if people wanted to give us a gift we’d appreciate it if they would consider a voucher for a national furniture retailer as we’re trying to furnish our new house. It’s done regularly here in Australia so it’s not really considered offensive or rude. However, I have seen invitations with the couples bank details so people could deposit money into their account which WAS pushing the friendship – even in my laid back Aussie opinion! Wink

Post # 12
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Well, a lot of people will want to buy you stuff regardless. Especially any older family members. Where I live, a lot of people go with gifts to the shower and then bring cash and a card to the actual wedding. 

Maybe your family and bridal party can inform guests who ask where you’re registered that you really don’t need any household items, but you’d prefer money to get your life started together.

Post # 13
61 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Don’t register anywhere, and instruct your BMs to tell people you’d prefer cash IF THEY ASK. But I wouldn’t go about broadcasting it. Plus many people will probably give you cash for the wedding anyway.

Bridal showers are really supposed to be about the gifts, and sitting around watching you open cheques would be a bit much. 😛 My friend recently had a bridal shower with a wine theme. Everyone bought her a bottle of wine, and by the end, she had quite the nice collection!

Post # 14
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

We originally just wanted money because I have owned own houses for 5 years and have MORE than enough stuff. BUT I knew some people just dont like to give cash so we decided to register and I was really surprised at the amount of stuff we actully found we needed/ wanted.

I would suggest making a small registry because you will have people who only buy you gifts espically if you are telling people you want cash (people really dont like that) at least with the registry its crap you picked out not random stuff people buy fr you.

Post # 15
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We felt the same way, no need and no space for gifts. We didn’t register, but we also didn’t have any showers (despite my mom’s and FMIL’s friends dying to throw us one).

Is there any way your bridesmaids could throw you a Luncheon instead of a shower? You most likely won’t get any gifts, but at least you won’t get gifts you don’t want or need.

Other than that, my brother reigstered at Bed, Bath and Beyond, and he said when they returned their duplicate gifts, they were given cash, so that’s an option!!

Post # 16
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Do you have a wedding website? I would politely ask there. I think the whole idea that making clear what you’d prefer being rude is from a time when people didn’t live together before they got married. I really do not see how asking for money for a HOUSE (the best, most useful gift you could give anyone) is so freaking appalling. 

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