Post # 1
I have a friend who’s getting married soon and they’re requesting cash in lieu of traditional gifts. My friend and her FI have been living together for a year and plan on moving at least twice in the next 5 years because of their jobs. I understand that they may not need a coffee maker or a mixer…But I feel like there’s a better way to go about it, like asking for gift cards or setting up a honeymoon fund. I quote (from their website) “If you decide to bring a gift, a monetary gift would be the most appropriate and much appreciated.”
What are your thoughts on couples who ask for money in lieu of gifts? Would you ignore their request and get them a gift? Or just give them cold hard cash?
Post # 4
I HATE it when people just blatently ask for money. When did that become okay?!
If I recieved an invite that said that there is literally no way in hell that I would be giving them cash. Actually, I would probably try to find the most ridiculous gift that I could and give them that. A nice package of shamwow’s should do the trick, lol.
Post # 5
WOW. Really?? I don’t think it is tacky at all. FI and I are probably going to do a honeymoon registery but ALSO tell our guests that cash gifts are fine as well. Personally, I always give cash at weddings, I never use a registery. Every one of our guests is a close friend or immediate family, so they are aware of our request already. FI and I already live together and do not need household items, but we do need some help with a honeymoon, and some extra cash to put away. I think that if you are invited to a wedding, you should respect what the couple is asking for. What’s the big deal anyway? You can give what you can. It’s not like you’re being asked to fork over hundreds of dollars. IT’S A GIFT, and it will be treated as such. If I get $20 from someone at my wedding, IT’S A GIFT. Being nasty about it and giving something else that clearly shows you’re pissed is just rude. You shouldn’t go to the wedding then and obviously don’t care about the couple involved.
Post # 6
@TheFutureMrsLamkin: Seriously?? As you said “IT’S A GIFT”. You don’t get to dictate what people give you. It is extremely rude to flat out ask for cash. I also would specifically not give cash in this situation. Showing that your pissed that they asked for it is in fact the goal.
I don’t even like honeymoon registries for this fact. Asking for money is just never OK. And I ALWAYS give cash at a wedding. But deciding on my own to give it and being asked/instructed to give it are two very different things.
Post # 7
I know this rubs a lot of people the wrong way but personally it makes no difference to me whether the couple requests china and a toaster or whether they request money. I am happy to give them the gift they actually need and want. If I know that a couple is just setting up house, i’ll buy from the registry. But these days most people live together before hand and have most house hold items so I tend to give cash anyways.
Post # 8
@Moose1209: You don’t get to dictate what people give you
But isn’t this exactly what gift registries do? Tell people exactly what gifts you want? it’s a double standard I’ve never understood.
Post # 9
personally i am always going to give a gift if invited to a wedding – i would prefer to give them something the want/need so im happy to be told that money or visa gift cards are preferred. as our family is italian/greek we usually gift cash anyway – its how we do things
Post # 10
I think that is extremely tacky. My registry was for my shower–the purpose of which is to bring a gift. No mention of registries or gifts was on my wedding invitation.
For showers, I buy off the registry. For weddings, I give money. Mostly because I don’t feel like going shopping again.
Post # 11
@Meowkers: I do get what you’re saying, but I guess I’ve always thought of registries as a resource for people who don’t really know what to get you. I received gifts at my shower that weren’t on the registry, and I appreciated those just as much as the things FH and I had scanned.
Desiring cash is understandable, but actually asking for it is pretty bold, in my opinion.
Post # 12
I couldn’t do it, personally – and I find it a horrific etiquette breach.
That said – I’d rather give them what they wanted then something they’d end up returning FOR cash.
Post # 13
I can see why its rude to ask for money, especially with the wedding invitation. however, i would never give a rude gift in return! i don’t really care adn i would be happy to give the couple whatever they need/want.
And just a note on honeymoon registries. yes, technically you get cash from it. but it is set up like a registry where people purchase items for you to do/use on your honeymoon. I had one and i then used the money from it for exactly what people purchased. For example, 2 people put money towards a candlelit dinner on the beach. this cost $170 to do and there was no way DH and i would spend $170 on one dinner when we are staying at an all inclusive resort! But we used the money from our registry and had the dinner (and it was awesome). Also, another person paid for an excursion for us to go on. well it turned that was the same excursion everyone we were with at the wedding resort wanted to do, so we we all went together – but it was technically paid for as a wedding gift. So basically, i didn’t get money for my honeymoon travel costs (airfare and hotel). The money we got, we used for extra things that we otherwise would not have done! which for me make the best gifts!
Post # 13
@Meowkers: This is why registries are only told to people who ask. They are asking for guidance about what to give, and it is not impolite to provide suggestions when asked. Just as if someone prefers cash they can tell the asker that they are saving for XXXXX. But it will always be rude to just tell people they must buy from the registry.
It is also important to note that registries are not meant to be master wish lists. They are meant to guide your guests towards china patterns, flatware patterns, and colours of linens.
Post # 14
I also wanted to add that it is never rude to give a gift that you want to give (unless you do it with noted spite). If somoene sent me an invite with cash only written on it. I am in no way rude to give a toaster. I am free to give any gift I like. The couple is also free to do as they wish with any gift given.
Post # 15
@andielovesj: This exactly. Thanks for answering for me : )