Post # 1
Hello Waiting Bees,
I was wondering how can you bring up the topic of asking for a timeline? I have been with my SO for two years, and he does not like to express emotion, or communicate his feelings with me. At the beggnining of our relationship he said he would always propose between two to three years. Now I am not sure if that means a proposal is coming in the next year or he has changed his mind. What have you guys done to iniate a timeline conversation? Also I am not sure if I should bring the conversation up because I know his friends at work (military) are all asking him as well (as most get married fast), and also his mom has been asking since a year in when he will finally pop the question.
Post # 3
Just say you are really happy with things they way they are and love your relationship but was wondering if you could talk about where he sees it going in the future? If he isn’t good at communicating maybe trying a differnt route will work i.e money. Darling, so we can really make sure we are prepared for our future together, where do you see our relationship taking us – just so I know in case you need me to help save for anything (**cough cough WEDDING!!!! ***)
OR, if you are super close to his Mum, can you confide in her, and just ask if she has any vibes that an engagement is on the cards as you are worried that he may have forgotten what he said to you!! If she has been pestering him like you say then maybe she knows what is going on in his head…??
I don’t know, I am sure other bees will have better ideas and much better ways of putting it but I hope that helps a bit.
Post # 4
I would definitely talk to SO about it. Even though he said between 2-3 years before, I know my SO says things like that and forgets that he says it. To us, it is a hugely important statement but to them – not so much.
I would generally ask about the future- if/when he wants to get engaged/married. Tell him you love your relationship and that you feel like you are ready to “take it to the next level” (if you really are). Talk about where you would like to see your relationship go, ask how he feels and what he thinks. You can discuss the timing of his job as well- does he have a deployment coming up soon? How much longer will he be in the military? Is he going to stay and do career? (my SO is a veteran, can you tell? Lol)
Just remember that this is also your relationship and your future and you have every right to know where it is going and when.
Post # 5
You have as much say in your future as your SO. There is absolutely nothing wrong with bringing it up. I think it’s important to express that you’re not necessarily pressuring him, but that you would like to make plans for your future.
I would say something along the lines of: I love you and I know I want to marry you. Do you feel the same way? Have you given thought to when you might like to marry? I’m excited to plan our future together….blah blah blah.
Post # 6
ok thanks guys. I am going to try these tonight hopefully it work and my nerves won’t get the best of me.
Post # 7
@jules103: “he does not like to express emotion, or communicate his feelings with me”
Not what you asked, but a serious question: based on the quote from your OP above, why do you want to marry him (or even stay with him)? Do you want to be with someone for the rest of your life who does not like to express emotion or communicate his feelings? Because…that is not going to change just because you (may) get married.
Just because you have been together for 2 years does not mean you need to get married, or that he is the person for you. And certainly that his friends in the military get married fast, or his mom is pressuing him, are not good reasons either.
I am honestly not trying to be critical, I just have a hard time understanding why you would want to be in a relationship (for life) with someone who does not communicate his emotions or feelings. Emotional intimacy and honesty, for me anyway, is a huge thing and one of the best parts of my own marriage.
I think you need to think over the reasons why YOU want to get married, and why this is a relationship that you wish to continue into marriage (and thing should continue), and if they are good, genuine and healthy reasons then you let him know your reasons and why you are interested in marriage, and ask him straight up what his thoughts are.
Post # 8
@jules103: I think you need to be direct. I’d just say something like “Hey, remember back when you said you’d propose after 2-3 years of dating? I have to admit that it’s been on my mind lately” and go from there. You don’t need to butter him up. You’re both adults and a relationship is a two-way street. You shouldn’t feel scared to ask him IMO.