(Closed) Asking Friends if they intend on coming before the invite is sent out.

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i don’t think it’s bad to casually mention it in conversation… but then i also wouldn’t be upset with them if they said they didn’t think they were able to make it but then something happened and all of a sudden they can. until you get the final invite you never know. (i even got changes from no to yes AFTER the final rsvp’s were back.)

Post # 4
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I agree with artbee…I think its fine to bring it up, but you do have to realize that in casual conversation, its not necessarily a formal RSVP, so there’s always the possibility that it will change. To deal with this, I’ve added a column to my guest list spreadsheet for “Informal RSVPs” I’m keeping track of who’s said “probably yes” and who’s said “probably no.” If I get to a point where I have a lot of informal no’s that I didn’t expect, I might go ahead and send out a couple of extra invites…but I’m going to keep a buffer so that I don’t invite too many and go over my budget.

Post # 5
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

We, or our parents, have done this with almost everyone on our guest list. As long as you (or whoever is asking) has a relationship with that person such that it’s not unusual to be conversing with them, it’s fine. If no one normally ever communicates with them and you just call them out of the blue to ask if they’re coming to the wedding, that might seem a little bit odd.

Post # 6
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Ditto pps, I wouldn’t count on their yes or no as being definitive. If inviting them will put you over budget/capacity if they come, I would try to rework the guest list.

Post # 7
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We made a facebook event. That’s probably tacky, but it’s very practical. Now our guests know who’s invited so they don’t mention it to someone who isn’t invited. We already sent Save-The-Date Cards but not invitations. It also gives people the option to not answer yet.

Post # 8
16216 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The tricky thing is…if you ask them, they will be expecting an invite. Can you factor them in as “probably nots” but send an invite anyway? We have some people who live far away and we know probably wont come, but we are sending an invite anyway to let them know we care and would have loved them to come if they could.

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