(Closed) Asking FSIL to be bridesmaid even if you are not close?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Would you ask your FSIL to be a part of your wedding party even if you were not close?
    Yes, I chose to because it is best to keep the peace and avoid conflict with your future in-laws. : (28 votes)
    38 %
    No, we are not close so why would I ask her to be my bridesmaid? : (31 votes)
    42 %
    Yes, I asked her to be a bridesmaid but only because I was guilted into it. : (4 votes)
    5 %
    Other - explain below : (11 votes)
    15 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Er, I did not answer your poll because none of those choices really apply to me. I am sure there are lots of girl who asked their FSILs to be in their wedding party because they get along, not because they were guilted into or are trying to keep the peace.

    My FSIL and I are like you and yours. We don’t hate each other, but we don’t have a lot in common and I always feel really awkward around her, like I never know what to say. But… she is going to be my family now too so I did ask her to be a bridesmaid. I didn’t feel guilted into it… I genuinely want to get along better with her! I’m glad I asked her, since the experience has actually brought us closer together.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    We aren’t having a wedding party, but if we did I would have chosen my FSIL as a BM. I’ve never met her and we aren’t close AT ALL, but I thought it would be a nice gesture. If your FSIL could care less, I wouldn’t bother.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    I didn’t vote because, although I did ask my SIL (brother’s wife), and we are not close, we aren’t NOT close, if you get what I mean. She’s a sweet girl, and I didn’t have many other women who I would want to be my BM, so I asked her. If we didn’t have a good relationship, though, I would not have asked her. This is my brother’s 3rd wife, and if he had still been married to his last wife, there is no way I would have asked her.

    I didn’t ask any of my FSILs because I am not close with any of them, and my FI is so much younger than all of them (16 years at the youngest), so it would have been awkward. Plus my FI is female, and if she wanted her sisters in the wedding, she could have asked them. 😉

    Post # 7
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I started getting a push after the BM dresses were ordered from my FI to have his sis in the wedding.  His BM backed out, and he thought about having her on his side, which would be fine, but then that would leave my bro as the only sib not included.  We decided to have my bro and his sis both do readings.  Even though we are celebrating coming together as a family, she has a history of antagonizing me, and I’m more comfortable using the occasion to honor my best friends as “family”.  

    Post # 8
    Member
    2385 posts
    Buzzing bee

    @BridalBlondie: If she didn’t include you her in hers, you’re not obligated or expected to include her in yours. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    2714 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @BridalBlondie: Ah okay. In this case I might not ask her to be a BM then. You will really need support of close friends/family in your wedding party, especially as you get closer to the big day. You also said she did not ask you to be her BM, so I would use that argument if you think not asking her will cause tension with your in-laws.

    Post # 10
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I really wanted just my MOH and his BM but it was pretty much made known that my FSIL will be in our wedding.  Mainly by her.  Was I obligated?  No, but I know it made my FI happy and I’m trying to develop more of a relationship with her.  I now have a bridal party of 4 b/c I refused to let it be just my MOH and her.  I know she’s excited but I don’t expect much from her other than just showing up.  Quite honestly, I don’t think I want her at my bachelorette party.  However, I really am hoping that this helps our relationship going forward.

    Post # 11
    Member
    2889 posts
    Sugar bee

    I was in a similar situation (not close but for no aprticular reason and I wanted to improve our relationship). It seemed natural to include her, particuarly because DH included my brothers. She said yes, all was good and then she decided to pull out by telling her mom. I still don’t know if I got the real reason but her mom says she was feeling uneasy about standing up in front of ppl (the BMs sat in the first row so this was not even an issue). Either way, it only made our relationship worse. So, if she didn’t include you, it sounds like she has no interest in improving the relationship and my jaded opinion is to leave her out because if you don’t click it could get worse.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1493 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    For our wedding party, we only had the closest of friends. We talked about having brother/sister/SIL in the wedding party itself but decided against it. My husband didn’t want his brother in the wedding party. So, we made BIL and my brother ushers. My SIL was a reader for the ceremony. She did the prayers for us. My brother and his wife also ushered my nephews down the aisle since they were the ringbearers. We weren’t guilted into it because she had me in her party 4-5 years ago at the time. All in all, our division of tasks worked out well for us. .

    Post # 14
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I’m in the same position as TinyTina. I get along okay with my FSIL. We don’t have a lot in common, but we are going to be family so I wanted to include her. I think it was a good choice. I know that if I had a brother I would want my FI to at least consider him for a groomsman, so I kind of take it in that way. I think you have to take all the relationships into consideration. If you’re really against it, then don’t do it. But I think it’s good to at consider it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2580 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I was worried about this same thing, though our situation is a little different because FI and FSIL are 16 years apart. At 42, I was pretty sure she would not want to be in the wedding party but I didn’t want to offend her by not asking her! Luckily my FMIL told me her daughter felt she was past her bridesmaids days.

    I’m still trying to think of some other honor we could give her so she still feels a part of it without necessarily being in the wedding party. Is there maybe something else she could do besides being a bridesmaid? Like @carrieknitscake: suggested, maybe your FSIL could do a reading or something like that. You know the situation best, though, so if you don’t think reaching out to her would bring you closer, I think you should do what feels right and causes the least family drama!

    Post # 16
    Member
    3314 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I chose not to mostly because of logistics.  I like my SIL and would have gladly had her as a bridesmaid, but the distance (6k miles) made things difficult.  But she also wasn’t all that sure of standing up in front of people, so what we did was have her pass out the programs and bubbles.  She was happy with that.  🙂

    The topic ‘Asking FSIL to be bridesmaid even if you are not close?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors