asking groomsman and said not the answer you want

posted 3 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
8 posts
  • Wedding: September 2013

That is a bit weird! I come from a place where being invited to be part of a wedding is such an honor, and you would never say no, or not sure, unless there is a pressing issue like “you will be in labour” kind of can’t make it. 

Ask you brother, but try to be tactful when asking him. If you confront him, he might get pissed off and say no, causing a bit of a stress with your FI. Ask him in a nice way what he thinks could be an impediment if any, and why wouldn’t he be part of it. Honest conversations are always the best way! Def don’t approach him with WTF!

Post # 4
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

How old is the brother? I gave my BMs time to decide if it was something they wanted to do / could financially do. I told them no hard feelings if it wasn’t something that wanted to do. It sounds like your brother is young and might not know what this means.

Post # 5
8675 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Your brothers are not obligated to be his groomsmen. Don’t be upset with them — If they don’t want to be in the bridal party, well, that’s that. Nowhere does it say they have to. It’d be nice (I’m sure you’d agree!) but ultimately, it is up to them.

Post # 7
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@thelittleone:  I don’t think he’s obligated to be a groomsman. Just like being a bridesmaid, it’s a commitment and not everyone enjoys it. I would ask him if there’s another way he’d like to be involved as an usher, reading something, etc. 

Post # 8
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@thelittleone:  but you’re asking so the other person has a right to say no. you shouldn’t expect a yes. in that case, you’re not asking, you’re telling.

Post # 11
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

He might feel that he cannot commit the time and money to being in the bridal party and if he DOES say yes, he will fall short and disappoint you. 

He’s allowed to say no and not cause you stress by saying yes and then being a disappointment. 

Post # 12
4474 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

There’s really not much you can do since your brother gets to make the final decision. I would never turn down a bridal party invitation from a sibling but everyone is different and sees these types of things through different eyes. 

Post # 14
4076 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

could it be a money issue? maybe he expects it will be expensive – tux rental- bach party, etc- even if this not the case for youe wedding, maybe his head is filled with ideas from other weddings and movies and friends.

Post # 15
441 posts
Helper bee

I’m sorry! I do think that’s a rude answer. But honestly I would leave it be and not ask him further or try to get him to say yes. Having a slacker GM/BM is worse than not having one at all!

What did your FI respond to your brother? I would say something like “OK, if you decide you want to be a groomsman, let me know, otherwise we hope you can attend as a guest.”

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