Weddingbee boards

I think thats perfectly fine as long as you outline the details and let them know theyre welcome to book elsewhere as PP suggested :)

Personally I would pay for the accommodation since it is technically the venue for your wedding and I would feel rude asking guests to contribute to that.

The other thing I would be worried about is possibly having 20 other people (plus any staff you have hired waiters/bar/caterers) around all the time prior and after the wedding. Weddings can be stressful and do you need the added stress of Aunt Mary and Uncle Joe trying to make breakfast whilst your caterer is trying to make organise your reception meal in your kitchen? And Bob and Joe (your FI's college roommates) getting into the champagne for the toasts etc.

@j_jaye:  This would be my worry too.  Not only will they be messing around with the venue, but you might not get as much privacy to get ready before the wedding, or spend time with your husband after it.

If you're sure you want to rent out part of the venue, I'd maybe put an 'accommodations' section on your website and say something like, "Rooms at the venue itself are available for _______.  This price includes ______.  You can also try [local hotel]."  This way it seems more like a hotel kinda thing and less like you're asking them to help pay for your venue.

If I were a guest I would be happy with this too.  Is there anyone at the estate who could take the money directly, or anyone in your wedding party who is willing to act as the middleman (someone that everyone will trust)?

I'm possibly running into a very similar situation with the same island.  Granted, we haven't officially committed to anything yet, but it's one of the ideas on the table for us.

If we go this route, we'll be paying for our stay as well as that of our parents.  If the house we opt for holds more than that, then I did debate whether it was appropriate to offer up the additional rooms for a "fee" that would be a bargain to guests, but in line with the expense.  Ultimately, I had a gut check that is very much in line with what Miss Orchard and j_jaye have pointed out.

To be honest, it kind of puts that plan off to me.  I don't want to be seen as asking guests to help pay for the wedding that I have invited them to, and that's kind of what I'd be asking if the house is also going to be the venue.  On the other hand, I would jump at the opportunity as a guest, so I don't think it's completely unreasonable.

My suggestion, and something I have talked about as a possibility with my mom, is that if we go this route with far more space than what we will actually need, I may have her end up being the "contact" and the person with whom to make plans to stay in that house.  That way it would be presented as she's renting a house with more space than we would take up and if others wanted a relatively low cost place to stay with other members of the party, they are welcome to work with her.  We, of course, would reimburse her for the house expenses for us, her with her plus one, and the future in-laws.  However, in all likelihood, we'll opt for a house that holds the number we need it to hold and it won't actually be an issue.

As for issues setting up, that's just going to depend on you and your vision for how the wedding will look and what you need.  If we end up choosing this option and end up with a house that's got more rooms than what we need, I know my vision is so simple that it really won't matter that other guests are there.  But, if you've got something even slightly elaborate in mind, it could be very busy around the house on the day you should otherwise be relaxed.

Also, fair word of warning that I think you need to communicate with guests if you offer them this deal: A house may "sleep" 22, but may not have very many bedrooms.  If you're basically charging people about $100/night (which is only slightly cheaper than B&Bs on the island and more expensive than some hotel options), then they will not be pleased if they are on a sleeper sofa in the middle of a living room with two other couples on sofas around them.  Even if someone is "fine" with sleeping on a sofa in a public space, someone who has paid for a room probably isn't going to be thrilled and there's another guest in his or her pjs when they go downstairs in the morning.  This also doesn't address the bathroom issue that could arise.

Ultimately, I'm not saying you shouldn't do it.  So much of it depends on your guests and your plans for the event. However, if you do it, I would advise treading VERY carefully down this road.  There's the etiquette issue of possibly being seen as helping foot the bill for the venue you picked while also concerns about expectations for the price.

Personally, I would be ok with it.  If I was told no kitchen access after X time so the caterers could use it, then ok, no problem.  Well, no problem as long as I can get to a coffee pot or a stash of sodas, lol.  I'm on a budget, so I would totally stay at the house if it was cheap enough, and would mail the bride a check.

@Lexy:  I think that makes a lot of sense; it's like staying at the hotel your guests are at the night before your wedding (especially if a wedding event is held at the hotel), only it'll be cheaper for your guests than area hotels for the same number of days.

One problem though: what if guests can't come up for the entire length of the get-together but still want to lodge there?  Are they going to pay the same for 1 or 2 nights that other guests pay for 3 nights?

@Stephie07:  we were guests/bridesmaids/photographer at a friend's wedding in maui this past summer and this is EXACTLY what we did. it was a blast staying on the property with everyone (all bridal party and immediate family) and it was a great deal to stay beachside and not have to eat out every day. since all the girls were getting ready at the house anyway, it just made sense and logistics were SO much easier. our friend just broke up the costs per night each person was staying (some people made other plans for other nights). some people had to bunk on air mattresses for a night or two, but then they got their own room for the nights other people were gone.

i think it just depends on your group as we were all pretty tight knit and we all were laid back about it. it was a pitch in and help kind of wedding too, so it made us feel included that we were actually at the property instead of off site and having to spend time there anyway.

also $50~ per night per person is not that much, especially including food! your guests would be hard pressed to find a better deal and something as close i'm sure!

Another thing you need to factor in if you do decide to rent out the extra space is parking.  Even some of the larger homes have limited parking.  I think the most parking I've found at a rental house was 5 spaces, and I know I wouldn't be comfortable trying to parallel park in what they considered the three space section - especially in a rental where I could be on the hook for bumps and scrapes by others.  Even if there's a big driveway, are people going to have to shuffle cars for one another to get out?  That could be another issue with many rentals in one space.

If you make the offer, I do think you also need to rethink the prices.  I know most people are looking at it as $50/person/night with all meals included, but that's not really the proper comparison.  If you have a couple coming to stay with you, they are paying $100/night which is in line with budget hotels and bed and breakfasts on the island.

Let's face it, unless they plan on spending the day on the beach outside of the house, they are likely only eating one meal at the house - breakfast.  Even though we planned to keep our costs down by eating in, we rarely did.  Due to the time difference, we were always out early to beat the Oahu traffic and didn't come in until fairly late in the day because we were out experiencing Hawaii.  If you expect your guests to do that, then the food won't be eaten beyond grabbing something on the way out the door.

Really, what's on the table for a couple is to save just a bit over what they could pay elsewhere while possibly having to share a bathroom, maybe not have a private room, and have to work around venue set up.  For a single traveler, it's a much better deal.  Single travelers will also probably be more flexible about shared spaces, too.  However, single travelers may mean more cars...

Depending on where you and your guests are coming from, that could also make a big difference in how you all get along in one house.  I know that we didn't allow ourselves to get too used to the time difference.  We woke up right around dawn almost every day, which was still the equivilant of sleeping until 11:30am at home.  Using our time wisely, we would enjoy slightly empty streets to get to whichever corner of the island we wanted to target each day before the parking lot formed on the interstate.  Some people may want to shift to island time, in which case, noises around the house and lights being turned on may be a bigger problem.