Post # 1
Two of my best friends are engaged, one marrying this August, the other next April. Im a bridesmaid in both weddings. I have just received the invitation to the August wedding. Behind the invitation and RSVP postcard, there was an enclosed little card with a cutsey poem on it, basically asking guests for cash in a ‘wishing well’ at the reception instead of gifts.
I thought this was super bad ettiquette to ask for cash, especially in the invitation suite!??
When I told April bride about it, she said “I don’t know, I think its pretty standard these days… In fact I don’t think I’ve ever received an invitation without one. LOL”
I will not be giving cash (I’ve already ordered them a present). I know that many couples live together and dont need functional household items… but I am rather offended of being asked for cash. Instead of having physical reminders of your wedding day in your home, these brides are opting for cold hard and heartless cash?! Both of them own homes already so they don’t need the money for a home deposit. Both brides live 1000’s of km away from all their family and the majority of friends to boot, so most guests are flying in for the wedding. If couples can’t afford a wedding – why are they having one?? If couples can afford a wedding but want extra money to cover costs regardless – do they really care for their guests??
Maybe this is a newly emerging ‘standard’ in Australia, I just wanted to know what all you lovely American bees thought about this?
Post # 3
It’s considered tacky by some here, but acceptable by others. traditional etiquette calls for no mention of gifts at all
Post # 4
I have never heard of this. I find it a little shocking actually! The dollar dance is one thing, but to put an envelope in the invite specifically for money is another!
tisk.. tisk.. tisk…
Post # 5
@Laurenplusalex: Thats what I was always taught!
Post # 6
@Notcool: It is becoming more common for couples to ask for money. I personally don’t think it is tacky. In fact I saw an article recently devoted to ways of asking for cash as a wedding gift
Post # 7
@Notcool: I’ve never seen an envelope for mailing cash in the suite, but I have seen something like “a wish tree will be available at the reception” or something. I forget what it was actually called but my mom told me it meant there would be a spot for you to give cash instead of a present.
I have heard from many Australian bees that a cute poem asking for cash is pretty standard there. It really depends on where you live. I have never seen an invitation that didn’t include registry information, but apparently most bees find that really offensive.
Post # 8
In my culture and many other Asian cultures, it is common to receive cash instead of an actual gift. However, I think asking for it in the invitation is really tacky. This is why we’re also having a registry for those who don’t want to give us cash.
Post # 9
Maybe it’s because I’m Italian and from the northeast where cash gifts are de rigeur, but I think this is tacky. Guests know they are expected to bring a gift, there’s no reason to make some cutesy poem up to shake people down.
Post # 10
@Notcool: while they shouldn’t have mentioned gifts at all, I don’t think it’s ridiculous to desire cash over gifts, especially if a couple already has the household items they need. I am having a registry with specific items, and while I would never say so to my guests, I really do not want anything purchased that is not on that list. There is a reason why I picked every item on there, and if it’s not on there, I don’t want it. If someone doesn’t like what’s on my registry, I would prefer cash over some random item they picked out themselves. Anyway, my point is, I don’t think guests should take it upon themselves to decide what the bride and groom should want or need. If you want to gift them with something, give them what you know they have a preference for, or just don’t give anything at all. That’s my take on it.
Post # 11
I’m from Australia, and wishing wells are common for weddings here.
Thing is, most couples already live together and they don’t need a dozen toasters or mixers and other common registry items. I’ve received invitations asking for gift cards, wishing well contributions and honeymoon funds.
I know a lot of people think it’s in bad taste, and in America it’s an absolute no-no. Personally I’d rather give the bride and groom what they need/want than having to think of a gift to buy which they might never use.
I do know someone who asked for cash contributions for their engagement party. I drew the line there though, and thought that was in bad taste. Especially when her mother started raving about “I bet we’ll only receive $50 from most people!” and I was appalled. $50 seems to be a perfectly reasonable gift, especially for an engagement! Don’t know what they expect for the wedding. Anyway, I digress…
Post # 12
Groan. Yes, it is bad etiquette. End of story.
Post # 13
@Notcool: I think it is the height of tackiness to ask for cash gifts, in the form of honeymoon funds or any other method. I don’t care what cutesy poem you attach to the request, it’s still klassy.
Post # 14
I think it’s regional in the US. On Long Island, cash is the normal gift given.
Oh but it’s very tacky to put a note in the invitation.
Post # 15
If couples can’t afford a wedding – why are they having one?
I always ask this same question (in my head) when I see people on here saying they only want cash. In my area for the wedding we always give cash or checks but NOBODY asks for it.
Post # 16
Where my family is from, cash gifts are the norm. Registries are almost unheard of. I don’t mind at all when the couple asks for cash. I quite prefer it actually, but I wouldn’t put it in the invitation. Have it on a website, or let it be spread by your bridal party and family.