(Closed) Asking his parents for help…

posted 9 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

You really just have to (I mean your fiance has to) come out and ask them. Point blank, “we’re starting to put our budget together and we need to know how much to spend, how much help can we expect from you.” Also be sure to point out that if you don’t receive the assistance you need that some of their guest list might need to be cut.

If you explain it with some tact, you shouldn’t have any problems.

Post # 4
Member
469 posts
Helper bee

I have found with my FI it is easier to take care of it myself. Ive asked him a million times to ask his mom something and then I finally called and asked and he hadn’t mentioned it to her in months. Boys!

Post # 6
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like you’ve had a longerish engagement already. Maybe your FMIL & FFIL don’t know that you guys are seriously at a point where you need to know how much they are planning on contributing. I would go over to talk to them in person with your FI, maybe invite them over for dinner, and sit down and discuss it. It’s not an easy discussion by any means, but tell them you need to know what they are willing to give and that any amount, whatever they can afford at this point, is fine.

As far as invitations, my FI and I are paying for about 2/3 of the cost, with both sets of parents contributing a similar portion. Therefore our invites will say:

Miss Whitesonnet and Mr Whitesonnnet
along with their parents
Mrs. B & Mr. B and Mrs. G & Mr. G
invite you to celebrate in their union

…this way, it shows that the parents are contributing, but not necessarily hosting the whole thing. Otherwise, even if his folks pitch in something and you and your FI are not, then list your parents first followed by his. Bride’s parents are always first anyways.

And for parents friends? We are giving each of them a table’s worth of guests that are specifically their friends. We choose to invite a lot of family friends, but they will only get 10 people for each. They seem to be fine with that. At $50/plate, ten people is $500. If you want to ration out more guests, agree with your FI to give each set two tables, or whatever. It’ll make your seating arrangements easier in the long run too.

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