Post # 1
Looking for some advice. My fiance’s parents offered to help pay for our wedding right after we got engaged – last November. They said they would discuss and let us know an amount. It is now August, and we still dont’ have an amount. My fiance claims he has asked them for the amount a few times, but we still aren’t hearing anything. He now says we should plan on them not contributing. However – besides the fact that they have a huge family – they gave us a bigger “friends list” than my fiance himself is inviting. Pretty gutsy. It is the first wedding of their family so I understand they may not realize the importance of this.
So – do I write my invites to show only my parents contributed?
Any ideas on how to get them to tell us if they are / are not contributing and how much? I don’t want to upset my fiance, but its getting ridiculous.
Post # 3
You really just have to (I mean your fiance has to) come out and ask them. Point blank, “we’re starting to put our budget together and we need to know how much to spend, how much help can we expect from you.” Also be sure to point out that if you don’t receive the assistance you need that some of their guest list might need to be cut.
If you explain it with some tact, you shouldn’t have any problems.
Post # 4
I have found with my FI it is easier to take care of it myself. Ive asked him a million times to ask his mom something and then I finally called and asked and he hadn’t mentioned it to her in months. Boys!
Post # 5
maybe that is the best idea – to ask his mom myself. He also hasnt gotten her to finalize her guest list either, so maybe I can kill two birds with one stone and ask myself… I know he is uncomfortable asking his parents, and I think that’s why he is avoiding it. Boys! you are right 🙂
Post # 6
It sounds like you’ve had a longerish engagement already. Maybe your FMIL & FFIL don’t know that you guys are seriously at a point where you need to know how much they are planning on contributing. I would go over to talk to them in person with your FI, maybe invite them over for dinner, and sit down and discuss it. It’s not an easy discussion by any means, but tell them you need to know what they are willing to give and that any amount, whatever they can afford at this point, is fine.
As far as invitations, my FI and I are paying for about 2/3 of the cost, with both sets of parents contributing a similar portion. Therefore our invites will say:
Miss Whitesonnet and Mr Whitesonnnet
along with their parents
Mrs. B & Mr. B and Mrs. G & Mr. G
invite you to celebrate in their union
…this way, it shows that the parents are contributing, but not necessarily hosting the whole thing. Otherwise, even if his folks pitch in something and you and your FI are not, then list your parents first followed by his. Bride’s parents are always first anyways.
And for parents friends? We are giving each of them a table’s worth of guests that are specifically their friends. We choose to invite a lot of family friends, but they will only get 10 people for each. They seem to be fine with that. At $50/plate, ten people is $500. If you want to ration out more guests, agree with your FI to give each set two tables, or whatever. It’ll make your seating arrangements easier in the long run too.