Post # 1
So it’s been slipped in my circle of friends that my boyfriend has purchased a ring, but he has not yet proposed. Last night I was with two of my girlfriends (recently engaged) and one of them asked how I knew that my boyfriend had a ring. I said that we had picked it out together. She asked where we purchased the ring. I said we purchased it from an estate sale. She asked how much it cost…
whoa. Is this rude? I took it as very rude. ESPECIALLY since it’s not even on my finger yet. I was caught off guard and answered her! I shouldn’t have…I don’t need some figure of how much my ring cost floating around our friend circle. Worst of all, when I replied, she didn’t offer up the same information about her own ring.
How should I take this? Would you be a little pissed? I’m a little pissed. I wish I would have just said that I didn’t know.
Post # 3
I’m not sure why anyone would need to know how much it cost, so I do think it’s sort of rude.
Post # 4
Yes it is rude because it is no one’s business. Even then, quite a few women don;t know how much their rings cost, nor do they feel the need to know.
Post # 5
She just doesn’t have good manners, that’s all. I think if you ask her not to talk about the cost of the ring, she might respect that.
No one should ever ask that question. It’s like asking someone how much money they make. Try not to take offense. It’s not your fault that she doesn’t read Emily Post – one can’t buy taste nor manners -it has to be developed.
And besides, as she gets older and starts to know diamonds, she’ll never have to ask because a diamond can speaks for itself.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s rude. I have a few people asked about mine and I asked a few people before. To me it’s a c ommon question when the person show the ring; hence I’m surprise to find that many people on WB find it’s rude. Maybe it’s my circle or the culture where I come from. I had coworkers and family members (mom, dad and aunts) asked about it and I shared.
Post # 7
I really think it depends on the type of friend it is. I have friends that I’ve discussed the cost of their ring with them very openly. She could be asking for lots of reasons. Maybe she has a boyfriend and is hoping for a ring and doesn’t really know how much it costs. I don’t think asking the question makes her rude, depending on how she did it.
Post # 8
I’d be a little offended, but she’s probably asking because you don’t often hear of people getting their rings from estate sales or other non-jewelry store places. She was probably just intrigued by it without really meaning to offend you.
Post # 9
@krises, the OP mentioned that the woman who asked was recently engaged with her own ring prior to the incident mentioned, so very unlikely she is interested in getting an additional engagement ring.
Post # 10
With a few situational exceptions, that’s not okay. For so many reasons. The cost of a diamond is based on the market price at the time of its purchase, people have have different definitions of “affordability”, clarity can make a smaller diamond more expensive than a big one, etc. So many. Someone with a bigger ring than mine could have paid less than I did, and someone with a smaller one might have paid more – it would be rude and unrealistic for me to attempt to compare either the worth of our rings or of ourselves based on anything that subjective.
Post # 11
Generally it’s not ok to ask that. (There might be certain exceptions).
If you weren’t ok with her asking, then she was wrong to ask.
Post # 12
I seem to be the odd one out but I don’t find it rude at all…my friends and I have talked about where our rings came from, size of diamonds, total carot weight and everything else. I’d give her the benefit of the doubt, I think you can find it rude and unacceptable without thinkings she was trying to be rude. 🙂
Post # 13
@soonerpsych: I agree I think the question might have been prompted because of where he got it. If he went to Jared I don’t think she would’ve asked. I don’t think it’s rude but I do find it a little weird. I have an idea how much my ring costs but I don’t think usually give that information out to people. It costs a pretty penny is my stock answer.
Post # 14
The question itself is kind of rude but being offended by it really depends on the situation. After FI and I had picked out my e-ring I showed my best friend (she’s my MOH) a picture of the ring and she asked how much it was. I didn’t even hesitate telling her and I was in no way offended by the question. My friends and I are all very open with each other about everything. We’ve been friends for almost 15 years so theres not much that we don’t discuss.
Post # 15
I would never ask someone how much their ring costs. However, my guess is that when your friend heard you got it at an estate sale, she probably thought you might’ve gotten a bargain on it.
I wouldn’t be offended that someone asked. However, I would simply tell the person that my boyfriend dealt with the money aspect and that I didn’t know.
Post # 16
well that’s the thing though…is that you and your friends have talked about it with eachother. I am one of 8 girls in a circle of friends (all 8 have SOs). 4 are recently engaged, 3 are not yet engaged, and there’s me…in waiting.
I probably wouldn’t have found it rude, if the other 4 that are recently engaged were openly talking to each other about their rings or their cost. But that’s not the case…there are 4 rings out there and I haven’t heard anyone talk about where their rings came from, or what they cost. I just think if you’re going to ask a friend that, you should disclose the cost of your own ring in doing so.
I’m going to give her the benefit of the doubt, though. I think she may not have shared the price of her own ring with me because she may not know. Or, I know that the diamonds in her ring were inherited and that her SO just bought the setting for them, so maybe she didn’t want to share the cost because he only paid for the setting– so it doesn’t represent the actual value of the ring or it sounds like a lot less than mine. But for that same reason I don’t want to disclose the cost of my ring– it is worth a lot more than what we paid. I am open and honest when I get a good deal on something ie: I got this jacket for a steal on ebay, or my SO got me this tiffany bracelet on ebay for such a good deal. fine. But I don’t need anyone to know what a steal we got on my engagement ring, or to associate what we paid with what it is worth.
I am honestly asking if this makes me shallow? If my ring was appraised for quite a bit more than what I paid, does it make me shallow to not want to disclose the deal we got on it? I am really excited for the day I get my ring and to show it off– it is very unique. I just would prefer that when I do have it, the conversations aren’t like “did you see her ring…it’s really cool/unique/impressive”…”yeah but he only paid X amount for it.” or something.
and someone above said that it is a fairly normal question when showing the ring. But…the difference here is that I didn’t show the ring, I don’t even own the ring yet.