Post # 1
So I am in the process of trying to figure out my wedding party and have been going back and forth about who I should choose for my third person. I for sure know my maid of honor(already asked her!) and another girl who I will for sure ask to be my bridesmaid. My Fiance has his three picked out already but I, however, am in between asking two close friends to be my third person. (we do not want an uneven wedding party- so please don’t suggest that- and we really don’t know if we want four couples). I’m thinking of waiting a few months (my wedding isnt for another year) to ask the third person to make sure I am asking someone I will be having a long term friendship with (because we all know how much friendships can change over time!).
I basically just want to know if you girls think it would be rude to wait a few months to ask my third person but still ask my other bridesmaid already?
Post # 3
I think its important that you publicly announce your whole bridal party at the same time. I would be kind of offended to be asked to join the party months after the rest of the BMs because I’d feel like like a backup BM and that you really don’t care about having me in the wedding.
Post # 4
@cmath610: I voted no; I asked my fourth to be in the wedding about 4 months after I got engaged. My hubs to be actually added a fourth member to his side specifically so I could include that girl. She wasn’t at all offended, just happy to be included! The situation IS different though – this girl and I had just met briefly before I got engaged. She was there at the engagement (He asked me at a party with about 20 of our friends there) and over the next few months we got SUPER close and I decided that I didn’t want my wedding day to happen without her in it. So yeah, your mileage may vary, but I don’t think that TIME was a factor.
I might suggest, however, not letting either girl know that it’s a “battle” for the last spot – that might result in some hurt feelings.
Post # 5
If you are “in between asking two close friends” and those two girls know eachother – that could get very ugly. Also, if one doesn’t particularly stand out from the two of them to be a bridesmaid, there’s probably a reason for that. Look back at some bridesmaids drama threads on here and you’ll see what I mean.
Post # 6
I have asked two bridesmaids, I’ve yet to ask my third. Fi has asked just one guy so far and we have been engaged for a couple of months now. I’ve also yet to ask my niece and nephew to be flower girl and page boy.
If this friend really is a true friend she won’t start a whole drama, and neither should your other friend, as it should be understandable that to include everyone is just not feasible.
Those bridesmaid drama threads are just silly, why anyone would want to include a drama queen in their bridal party is beyond me, and most of them if you notice are just frenemies who probably couldn’t stand each other in the first place anyway!
Post # 7
I asked five girls to be in my wedding party a few months after we got engaged, and then three months before the wedding I asked a sixth because I realized that it was stupid to exclude one of my best friends just for the sake of numbers — she was still just as excited and honored to be in the WP, and didn’t think it was weird at all!
Post # 8
I think it depends if they know each other and if it is “public” (ie plastered all over facebook). If the other girl(s) don’t know that some have been asked, it’s fine. If they do know, then I think you need to decide. I would just have 4 and have your FI add someone if you can’t have it be uneven. I think it’s more important to include your close friends than to have it look even.
Post # 9
Are you all BFF’s forever? Then yes it would probably be rude.
If your adults who have many friends in different circles and don’t hang out together all the time then I don’t see why it would be a problem.
Post # 10
I think it’s good to ask them all close together. Can I suggest though, if you’re not sure of a 3rd, perhaps a better option is asking your fiance to cut it down to 2. Unless he has 3 brothers, that should be possible. The 3rd guy could do a reading or be an usher. I get the impression that the whole groomsman thing is less important to guys.
If you’re not sure if a girl is a long term friend, then my advice is don’t ask her. I’ve read so many drama stories of bad BM choices.
Post # 11
I asked my MOH first, then my cousin and my FI’s sisters, then waited a month before asking all my other girls. I didn’t plan it, it just kind of worked out that way, and considering I didn’t really ‘announce’ my wedding party until well afterwards, I don’t think any of them to this day know who I asked first and/or last.