Post # 1
Alright. I wanted no kids at the ceremony and reception but I’ve compromised and my FH’s nieces and nephews can come. His brother and sister each have 4 kids, so there are 8 kids from 1-10 years old.
Future Mother-In-Law says the kids will be “just crushed.” My theory is they really won’t remember but, whatever.
ANYWAY – I’m worried because the kids aren’t horribly behaved, but, they’re kids and they kind of run the family.
Is it okay to talk to my future brother & sister in laws and ask them to keep an eye on their kids? Like, I want my ceremony to go well, not listening to a screamining kid, and things like the first dance… I want that to be me and my hubby’s moment… not the kids running around in circles on the dance floor around us.
What is reasonable for me to expect of the parents and what can I ask of them?
Post # 3
I’d maybe have your husband talk to them. Then he can mention how excited you are about your first dance etc and hopefully they’ll be respectful – although it’s scary when you know the kids get to do pretty much whatever they want.
Also perhaps have a place for them to go (and tell them about it) in case one of the kids gets unrully. Like a room in the church or outside of the reception and include some “activity” items like coloring books and crayons (you could get them cheap at a dollar store). If you present it like you’re trying to make things easier for them it’ll probably go over better.
Maybe your husband could even mention the “kids room” to other family members so they can encourage your brother and sister in law to use it if the kids get too wild.
Post # 4
I agree that your FH should talk to them.
Post # 5
i think FH should have a convo with them since its his family – if its makes you feel any better i was dead set on having no kids (except my husbands brothers and sisters – he is one of 13 kids so they range from 29 to 6) my mom threw a fit and didnt want to not invite my little cousins so we ended up inviting them and had about 15 or so kids there and i didnt notice them all night. I mean i did, i danced with them and stuff but i didnt notice any outbursts or bad behavior from them. My husbands family is huge so he has a lot of cousins as well – we had them all set up in a little room with pizza during our dinner and first dances then they were allowed to come for the party. it turned out really well. luckily everyone was staying at the hotel where the reception was so having a spot for the kids to go was easy to come by.
Post # 6
This is great!! Thanks for the tips, ladies!
Post # 7
It is absolutely reasonable. These are their kids, it’s their responsibility to make sure they’re behaved if they just have to bring them. If that means removing the kids from the ceremony and missing it because they’re screaming, then so be it.
I would just have your Fiance talk to his siblings and explain that this is your wedding and you would prefer that their children be on their best behavior so they don’t ruin any special moments. I would hope that his siblings would make sure their kids are behaved regardless but you never know with parents these days.
My Future Brother-In-Law & Future Sister-In-Law are having a baby 2 months before our wedding and we’ve already let it be known that the kid’s not invited. I personally do not think that weddings are appropriate for children, especially those under 1.
Post # 8
You and I share similar situations. My FSIL’s kids are invited to the wedding. There are 6 kids, age ranges 3-9. Some of the children have behavior issues (they don’t listen, and have a hard time with self control), and I am really worried about how they will behave in church, and the reception. My Future Mother-In-Law told me that she doesn’t want to be the one to watch them (She ALWAYS gets stuck with them at family functions) and told me in a round about way about getting a babysitter because she didn’t want the children to be there since she wanted to enjoy the wedding with her daughters as adults. I told her that I wanted everyone to have a good time, and would hate if anyone had to leave early (because of the kids in other words). I told her that even though they are invited, it’s ultimately the parents decision on whether or not they want to bring them. Personally, I think a wedding is no place for children. I don’t understand why parents have to bring their children, unless they are participating in the wedding. Who wants to run after their child all night at a wedding, of all places.
Post # 9
I have the exact same fears as you, good to know I’m not crazy or anything! I’m having my ushers remind people who have children as they are seating them, that they will have to leave immediately during the ceremony if their child starts making a fuss. I have told my groom and wedding planner both that if I hear any baby crying when I’m suppposed to enter the room I will wait until the kid is gone! YIkes, upon reading that, maybe I do seem a bit crazy!
Post # 10
@Bostonsmom: I couldn’t agree more!
Post # 11
It’s reasonable, but like others have said, your husband should do it and it should be done very gently. Parents are REALLY sensitive about their children (I’ve noticed most people think their kids behavior is a dream).