Asking people to attend wedding AFTER RSVPs have started coming back in?

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: How best to contact these people?
    Just send the invitation and maybe follow up with a phone call in a week or two. : (13 votes)
    42 %
    Call and explain, then send the invite. : (12 votes)
    39 %
    Text or facebook message them : (0 votes)
    Other (please explain in the comments) : (6 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 2
    3217 posts
    Sugar bee

    There is no way to tell someone they are second best politely.  Now many people on this site and others will tell you that they personally would not be offended, but you’ve asked an etiquette question, and the etiquette is very clear on this issue.  Letting anyone know they are on a B list is bad.

    Your minimums are your problem.  You shouldn’t invite 2nd tier guests because your cost per guest will otherwise go up. 

    If you do this, know that at least one person will be upset.


    Post # 3
    1987 posts
    Buzzing bee

    There’s no correct way to tell someone they’re a B-lister. +100 to everything andielovesj said.

    Post # 4
    3649 posts
    Sugar bee

    Nope, too late! Especially not for a DW, that might require savings for months, in advance, and booking the trip far out, to get better travel rates. If it was local and friends let you know up front, that they would be happy to get a B list invitation, then that’s another thing. 

    Post # 5
    582 posts
    Busy bee

    This is really tricky.  I had a classmate invite me as a B, C or even D list guest. She was honest, I was not offended, but if I thought we were closer than that, I probably could have been offended. P.S. I did not vote beacuse before I may not have been offended,  but I can really understand if someone is hurt.

    Post # 6
    6449 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    If you have 27 “yes” RSVPs and the minimum is 30 I would just take the loss instead of inviting these guests that will know they were on the B list.

    Post # 7
    6678 posts
    Bee Keeper

     It is not considerate  to take  a space with so many restrictions that you can’t  properly host the people closest to you, not to mention  that a DW is, in the majority of cases, already quite a burden of time and expense on people.

    You will almost certainly  have guests who are offended by a B list invitation, and feel that if you really wanted them there, you would have planned accordingly. If you can’t meet your minimums, IMO you’ll just have to pay for them or take another space. 

    Post # 8
    2283 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    pharmy: Yeah, that would be B-listing and very rude. I’d start calling the no repliers (if your RSVP by date has passed) and hopefully more of them will come. It sounds like you’ll be right at the minimum anyway. 

    Post # 9
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    Going against the pps here – I think because it’s such a small wedding to begin with your extra guests might not feel too hurt over not being in the first round. I’d call and explain like your suggested. Worst case they can’t make it. If it were me I wouldn’t hold it against you! 

    Post # 10
    5392 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I really don’t see an issue, though I guessed the etiquette police would probably get their panties in a twist :-s I’d call them and explain, and I’m sure they’ll understand.

    We had an ‘A’ and ‘B’ list and did end up ‘bumping up’ two people from the evening reception to the day; they were really chuffed and not remotely offended.

    If you think your guests might be offended, then don’t do it; otherwise, I see no issue. Only you know them.

    Post # 11
    2390 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Just send them an invite and don’t tell them that they are on the list for people who said no. 

    Post # 12
    703 posts
    Busy bee

    pharmy:  personally you can’t do. Second invite. I really disagree with this theres no politice way to do this I’d just accept the number I had

    Post # 13
    2051 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I disagree with PPs saying not to invite them. We invited extra people we couldn’t originally ask, they were very happy to be invited, and came and had a great time! It might be awkward if you’re only a few weeks out, but if you have a couple of months to go still I would ask them. 

    Post # 14
    4961 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    When is your RSVP date?  If it’s still many weeks away, I would just send an invite as long as they will not have talked to others who already received their invites. 

    Post # 15
    42117 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    It wouldn’t bother me to be on the receiving end of such an invitation. I would send the invitation and add a personal note explaining that you were obligated to invite extended family, but now are able to extend an invitation to your close friend-me!

    I think anyone who has ever planned a wedding will show a little more understanding than the “etiquette police”.

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