(Closed) Asking Someone to be Your Maid of Honor 4 Months From Wedding

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
749 posts
Busy bee

@Peather2013:  Aw sweetie!  ((hugs)) what a sucky situation so close to your wedding.

 Try to step back a minute and remember why you’re doing this – to marry your awesome FI.  All the rest is really just background noise, IMO.  It sounds like a lot of drama and you don’t need that – you especially don’t need any more on top of what’s gone down.  

You know what, if it was me I would just not have a MOH.  I would sit down with the rest of your BMs and just tell them you’re having a hard time and would totally love some support from them – maybe plan a shopping or crafting day together, or plan to go to a club/wine bar/comedy club together.  It doesn’t have to be labeled “bachelorette party” or whatever – just something to bring you together with your closest ladies.  That might take the pressure of you, especially if you expected some big night with a VIP section and all that.  It sounds like one of those unfortunate cases of reality not jiving with expectations, you know?   

And hey, maybe they’re not stepping up because you’re not asking?  Not everyone is sure what their role is supposed to be when they’re a BM.  I’m a BM in my cousin-in-law’s wedding this summer and she doesn’t want us to do anything except show up at the farm on the day of; I had to email her a BUNCH of times to make sure she didn’t want/need me to do anything…whereas my BFF who got married years ago wanted all of us involved in a lot more stuff.  So, maybe just talk to them.  I’m sure they want to support you and would hate to hear that you’re so stressed out.

Good luck and try to enjoy the last couple months!   :/

Post # 5
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Peather2013:    >>>I’m just so tired of planning EVERYTHING<<<

She’s not your wedding planner, so if you’re thinking of asking her to be your MOH so she can take over the planning duties, then maybe you don’t need to ask. Her job is to show up, wear the dress and look pretty, not be your errand runner and party planner. 


There’s really no way to ask her now and she not know she was your second choice because quite honestly, she is. Just leave your bridal party as is.

Post # 6
Member
5015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DJones69:  I agree, if you want to ask her to be your MOH just for the gesture, then I guess it’s ok, but you really shouldn’t ask her to jump in and plan things for you. I think at this point you’d be better off not having a MOH honestly, but you can still ask friends/family for a little help with things.

Post # 8
Member
8706 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@DJones69:  you wrote my exact thoughts. I would NEVER want to be asked to be someone’s MOH and then expected to plan ANYTHING only 4 months out.

Post # 10
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Dixon Brewer Park

She wasn’t saying she wanted her to plan her wedding she said the bachelorette party. 

Guess y’all didn’t read that part

Post # 13
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Dixon Brewer Park

I have had my MOH and BMS picked out for a year. And my MOH just got engaged (I’m very happy for her) but she doesn’t help anymore. Which is fine but I totally get where your coming from. something about the 4 month mark. It’s exhausting! I don’t know if I’d wanna be a back up MOH but if I were really food friends with the bride I def wouldn’t mind helping in any way it’s your one day and I’m sure she would wanna be there and make it special. 

Post # 14
Member
9561 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hoping they will plan a bachelorette for you is fine, but helping with arts and crafts and other things is a bit unrealistic. And just remember that bachelorettes aren’t a requirement, you can’t expect them to throw you one. But if you want to plan one and have one yourself that’s ok 🙂

Post # 15
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I wouldn’t bother asking her unless it’s for a gesture simply because already no one is helping you with anything. I don’t think giving her a larger, more important role would make her do anymore work than she’s doing right now + it’s very close to your wedding now and I think you should just tough it out.

You think though maybe you are a little sad about things as well because you lost your MOH and your brother ? 

Post # 16
Member
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

@Peather2013:  Don’t call it snark because it’s not what you want to hear. Your BMs are supposed to wear what you ask them, show up on time, look pretty for the pictures. Planning a party is extra and quite honestly, you shouldn’t expect her to do so because all of a sudden she got a fill in spot. You’re not married yet, I’ve already BTDT, so please don’t tell me what BM’s are SUPPOSED to do. Mine did what they were supposed to do and what was asked of them to do. Buy the dress, the shoes, show up on time and look pretty for the pictures. Not plan the party(ies) YOU want.

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