- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I'm sorry your MOH hasn't been there for you. But, I think you hit the nail on the head. While I'm SURE you and your wedding is important to her - her priority and responsibility is to her kids. They take the #1 spot. And, obviously, she couldn't figure out the planning part of getting them there another way.
Can you help her figure out how to get her kids to see their dad for the weekend? Could maybe a mutual friend or family member do it, so she can be at the wedding events?
I think it starts to get into bridezilla zone when you start making demands of people that they wouldn't ordinarily do on their own. You want your friends to be happy for you and join you in the celebration - not loathe your every move. That said - she should have known her presence was required at the RD. Let your friend know how disappointed you would be if she wasn't there and try to work with her to find a solution (vs. demanding that she be there - not saying this is what you did... but just using it as an example).
Good luck! And happy countdown to the big day!!
It seems like she should have planned for this, but then I can also see where she's coming from having kids of my own. Drop offs to an ex can be tricky and if someone else drops off/picks up your kids, there's lots of questions. Maybe she needed to be there for a reason.
You're not being a crazy bridezilla. If anyone should be bending over backwards to be at your rehearsal, it's your MOH. On the other hand, I wouldn't hold it against her too much if she can't be... you picked someone with three kids! They are all going to come before you.
I know. They live with her parents though so it's not like they haven't done the drop off for her before. It's my own fault for asking her to be MOH. I just planned my wedding around when she didn't have her kids. I have done everything around her.
Nope! I don't think you're asking too much at all. And, we're also getting married on the 7th (hey, date twin!) and had a similar thing happen.
My FI's one and only groomsman tells us last week that they're going to throw his daughters birthday the day of the wedding, so he won't be able to get there until before the wedding starts. The wedding is at 7pm on a saturday... she's turning 3... and he WOULDN'T move it to Sunday or an earlier time the day of. We're taking our photos before the wedding, since we aren't having cocktail hour. He's had nine months to figure out when to throw her birthday. Now, my FI doesn't have a single groomsman. I cried in the bathroom at work for an hour, I was so heartbroken for him.
People are so utterly, seriously ridiculous at times. It blows my mind.
I don't think you're being unreasonable.
My feelings would be hurt, especially if she had had plenty of time to figure out the transportation issue. But I agree with previous posters who said a good idea might be to help her find an alternative.
I hope things work out for you guys! :)
Wait now , She lives with her parents and they've Done the dropping off the kids thing for her...There is No excuse for her. I understand about scheduling things around people and there comes a point , where u have to distinguish between EXCUSES and the UNAVOIDABLE .. She is using her kids as an excuse ,and wants to focus on HERSELF .. so you are Justified on being a little bridezilla like ...
If her parents could drop off the kids, I don't think she is being reasonable. Divorced situations can be tricky. So I guess it's possible, something is going on. But unless there is something really extreme going on, she really should put more effort into being there for you.
I'm sorry.
I don't think you're being unreasonable. She really should have made some other arrangements since she had so much time to plan. Maybe she'll change her mind and let her parents drop them off...?
I'm a divorced mom. If I was someone's MOH I would be there. If I couldn't handle the commitment involved I would not have accepted the position. She had enough notice to make arrangements.
She should be able to make other arrangements to get the kids to her ex. She's had months and she lives with her parents so its not like she doesn't have family support.
I dont think you are being unreasonable and I agree maybe she can ask her parents to drop them off? Or the ex can come pick them up while her parents are at home?
Since she lives with her parents and they've taken the kids before, I'm thinking there's most likely a reason why they can't this time. Maybe they're busy that night and won't be home at all. Can she make the drop off earlier?
She definitely should have planned ahead! That is part of being a MOH. I absolutely hate when people take on that job without thinking about the responsibilities....if it's too much.... you just say you aren't open to it!
I know its really hard, and you're probably pretty mad at her right now, but you just need to calm down, take a few breaths, and remember the purpose of your day... To marry the man of your dreams... When everything else is going wrong, REMEMBER to keep that at the top of your to-do list... I actually have that written down in my planner on the day of my wedding to keep my stress and nerves down.. You should try it.
As for your MOH... They can be really frusterating sometimes, BUT, they have their lives too. ESPECIALLY where she has children.. :) Im sure you understand that, but just dont say anything harsh to her....PLEASE for your friendship's sake, keep that IN. You wont mean it after the wedding. Just ask her if there is ANYTHING that you can do to help her be there. If she keeps acting uninterested, like she doesnt want to be there at All, and keeps coming up with excuses even after you've figured up a perfectly good solution, talk to her and see if that's the real reason she can't be at the rehearsal. She may be having a hard time being your MOH because of the divorce.. She's probably in Love hating mode at this time, and you can't blame her for that... I know you're 16 days away, and everything seems crazy, but just calmly talk to her and try and find a solution you both can live with. :)
{EDIT:} I just realized now you're 10 days away... :) Well that makes it even better!!!! :)
I think she has worked everything out. I told her that she didn't even need to stay for the dinner and that she could bring the kids with her to the rehearsal (someone would watch them) and then take them (obviously taking food for the road). She doesn't think that is necessary now and understands why I was upset/stressed/sad/frustrated. She knows she should have planned this months ago...and apologized.
So, as of this moment...9 days out...we are good.
Glad to hear everything's worked out. I suspect she's trying to forget what it was like to be a bride in her attempt to distance herself from her marriage. I'm glad you're able to move on!
Enjoy the next week! Congratulations.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 19 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 12 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
 sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sylvia.riggle |
5 |
| peachacid | 4 |
| smcs28 | 3 |
| Zouave | 3 |
| armychica06 | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| HollyCJ | 2 |
| BellaDee | 2 |
| Snoopadoop | 2 |
| zippylef | 1 |
So, please let me know if I'm being a crazy bridezilla...
16 days out my MOH calls and tells me that she can't be at the rehearsal or rehearsal dinner because she has to take her kids to meet their dad for the weekend. Like it was no big deal or anything! She had 7 months to ask a family member to help her out. Post divorce, she has been very self-centered and the world must revolve around her. I don't even talk about my wedding around my MOH because she always acts like she doesn't care.
I told her that she had 7 months to figure this out and she needs to be at the rehearsal (I could care less about the dinner that I've planned out to the T). If she has to bring the kids to the rehearsal and then take them to meet their dad, that is fine.
Am I being unreasonable? I just feel really hurt. I wouldn't have had a bachelorette party or at least not a very good one or a shower for that matter if my other ladies hadn't stepped up and taken over. I understand that she has three kids and going to school full-time and a FI (who she always changes the subject to when I start talking about the wedding), but I'm starting to regret having her as my MOH.