Post # 1
Hello all, I want to start off by saying I love my bridesmaids. All 3 of them. I had a couple more, but one (FMIL) decided she didn’t want to be in the wedding. The other one I guess just said yes to be nice, but didn’t really want to do it.
So, I’m not very particular about my bridesmaids style. They can wear their hair/makeup how they wish. I don’t care about having particular shoes or accessories. The dresses, I picked about 12 styles on Davidsbridal.com and let them choose from those. They also have 3 color choices in all of those styles. The dresses are around $50-$150 depending on the style.
I’m not having an engagement party/bridal shower/ bachelorette party. Pretty much not doing anything except for the wedding and reception. I understand that we all fall on hard times. I have a ton of unexpected, NWR expenses that are making my purse very sad. However, my gals have had over a year to save up for their dresses. It averages about $15 a month for the most expensive ones. All of them are now saying they won’t have the money in time for the appointment 2 months away.
I’m confused here. I don’t know if I am actually asking too much by having them buy their own dresses. I really can’t afford to cover the costs of 3 dresses. Should I just have them wear whatever they have that is nice in their closets? Please help…
Post # 2
Both you and your friends can’t afford the 50$ dresses from DB? If that is the case, it sounds easiest to let them wear their own clothes.
It’s perfectly reasonable to ask your friends to buy their own dresses, but you like said, people fall on hard times and might have to decline. Good luck, you will have a wonderful wedding no matter waht your bridesmaids wear!
Post # 3
It is reasonable to ask bridesmaids to purchase their own dresses. It sounds like they’ll have plenty of time to pay them off, too. I know we all run into hard times, but that’s a reasonable request. Are they all students? You also sound like you’ve been quite accommodating in giving them plenty of choices. I guess I’m not really understanding why this is a difficult thing for them. If you’re okay with them wearing what they have, great, ask them to abide by a color scheme if possible.
I was a MOH and interning at the time of the wedding so making no money….but somehow I afforded the $150 dress from DB and $30 shoes. The bride graciously paid for my hairstyle as a bridesmaid gift…
Even if they end up wearing whatever they have, you’ll have a spectacular day.
Post # 4
I totally think it’s within reason to expect the bridal party to pay for their own attire. When you accept a role in a bridal party you know there will be some expenses and typically start putting back money for said expenses. What are your colors, are they likely to have something in those colors? Since your bridal party is now saying they can’t afford it, these are my suggestions.
1. Push back the dress appointment day. You’re not getting married until April 2015, so there isnt a reason to order the dresses this early. DB will tell you it takes alot longer to get the dress than it actually does.
2. Join local FB groups/ebay and search for the style/color/size dress they need. Can usually find good deals that way. In my area there are actual FB pages for wedding related items.
3. If you were planning on doing gifts for your bridal party, use that money and put it towards the dresses for them.
4. Talk to the bridal party & see what they can afford.
Hope this helps!
Post # 5
BabyDeer9: Since you’re in the USA (if your profile is correct), then they should have known that buying their own BM dress was expected, so long as the price is moderate – which it is. In fact, according to many people, that is the one and only thing the BMs must do before the wedding day. In my opinion it is a silly tradition, but both you and they should have known the tradition.
So you are in the right – which, unfortunately for you, is no help if the girls dig their heels in and refuse to buy their dresses. If they do that, your options are to pay for their dresses, or tell them to not worry about it and be ordinary guests.
Post # 6
BabyDeer9: Asking them to pay for the bridesmaid dress is not unreasonable. That being said, if they aren’t willing or able to spend the money, you can either let them wear something they own or not have a bridal party. If you decide to have them wear dresses they have, do your best to have them coordinate in some way (color, style, length) so they all look good together.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica
I wouldnt have a bridal party…. If they cant save 50 dollars for me… I dont want them up there next to me…seems like i might be waaaaay down on their priority list if they cant at least do that…
sorry… I know it may seem harsh… but unless these ladies never go out for dinner or a movie… or do anything at all… then 50 dollars is equal to a night out… but again.. if these girls never even spend money on themselves… then I guess I wouldnt feel too bad that they wont spend 50 bucks to support me on my wedding day
I vote.. no wedding party
Post # 8
Sounds like they think they can get away with not purchasing them in hopes that you will. The wording in your post suggests you MAY be a pushover, if that’s the case then I would be firm and tell them the deadline otherwise no bridesmaids.
Post # 9
BabyDeer9: Not unreasonable. My BMs all bought their dresses, ($150-$200) and they’re all travelling as well. It seems like they’ve had more than enough time to save, it just sounds like they don’t want to. I just graduated and do not have a ton of money right now, but I could save $50-$150 in a year for a wedding.
Post # 10
I don’t think you are asking for too much. I did not pick bridesmaid dresses from DB so not sure how it works there but my girls only had to pay a deposit to order the dresses then the rest when they picked it up. Your friends shouldn’t have agreed to be bridesmaids if they can’t do something as simple as getting a dress.
Post # 11
You’re definitely not asking too much. $50 is very cheap for a bridesmaid dress. I was going to suggest going somewhere other than DB and just look at nice dresses when they are on sale..but I don’t even know if you would get cheaper than $50.
If it is stressing you out then just drop them as bridesmaids. You don’t have to be rude about it, but they are supposed to be there to support you, not cause extra stress.
Post # 12
I think you have 4 options:
1. buy the dresses yourself. For $100, to get what I want, I’d just buy them. It’s a drop in the bucket of wedding expenses and you get exactly what you want.
2. Tell them to buy the dresses or they aren’t in the bridal party. It’s fine, but if you really want them to be with you, this sucks.
3. Let them wear whatever they want.
4. Have a heart to heart with each of them. Let them know what it means to you to have them beside you as you get married. Come to some kind of solution, together, for the dresses. They pay, they pay half you pay half, you buy them, they wear what they already own, whatever. It may be beneficial to do this with each of them separately.
Personally, I’d probably do 1 if I thought it was strictly the money. 4 if I thought there was something else that was causing some problems/miscommunication.
I think you’re being more than accomodating. So there has to be something up.
Post # 13
canadajane: Thank you. I might have them wear whatever they have if need be.
AprilinTX: No, none of them are students. One just filed for bankruptcy. One is a singleish mom. The other just moved in with her boyfriend and only works part time. I know that they all have it rough right now. That is why I gave them such a long notice ahead of time. I thought they would be able to squeeze me in…
oilfieldhoney: Thank you for all of your tips. The colors are lilac and mint. For the dresses I had picked 3 dif shades of purple. A lilac color (obviously), a dark almost wine color, and a middle shade which was a smokey purple. The appointment is currently near mid-November. All 3 gals have said they will also need alterations. That is why it needs to happen so soon. I did plan on getting them gifts, but probably not until the month prior to the wedding. I am topped out right now for funds. I really can’t afford it…
aussiemum1248: I am indeed in the USA. In Arizona. I hope they won’t vote to be just guests, but I will take what I can get. My parents have passed, so my family consists of my sister (mending relationship) and my half-brother (don’t really know well). It really means a lot to me to have people showing support that day.
spiffanee: Thank you. It sounds like they don’t really have anything that is similar to what the other girls have. Maybe I can get them the same necklaces right before the wedding to help them stand out or something?
bkprettygirl: It may be harsh, but I think I needed to read that. They all do go out pretty often. Some more then the others, but they do. I gave them plenty of time and they should have set aside something by now…
BellaDee: You may be right. I have been so focused on making everyone else happy, that I haven’t really put my foot down. I just don’t want to come off as a “bridezilla”. I want them all to have fun the day of too.
jehn11: What is funny about the whole “agreed” to be a bridesmaid thing, one of them auto pushed herself in to it! Before I could ask her, she automatically said “I’m going to be a bridesmaid right?”
Post # 14
I would just go with mis-matched dresses and have them wear nice dresses that they already own. You can probably find a color scheme that they already own a dress to match (navy? pale pink?).
<br />The fact that they couldn’t save up to buy the new dress is kind of annoying, but at the end of the day what’s important is that they are there standing up next to you, not what they’re wearing.
Post # 15
I think them not being able to save up for the dress is the same as you not being able to save for the dress so as disappointed as you may be, I personally don’t think you can be annoyed.