Post # 1
You’d think having been married just a week ago I’d be all about happiness right? I was until tonight.
My father was abusive both emotionally and physically when I was a kid and at the age of 21 he kicked me out of the house after he married my step mother (believe me when I say I did not do anything to deserve it, she just didn’t want me there). At the time I was going to college full time and working full time so I was rarely there anyway. I have not spoken to him since so it’s been 15 years now. Overall the years he has tried to contact me via phone and stopping at my house unannounced.
I tried to talk to him once calmly and get a resolution but he basically feels he has nothing to apologize for and feels I “have” to talk to him since he’s my father. I’ve also tried yelling, writing letters telling him to leave me alone, etc. but every year he does something. My brother died almost 3 years ago and he’s trying even harder now.
I asked my mom not to tell him I was getting married and she did not. He found out though on Facebook. My page is private but someone I know is friends w/ one of his friends and well, you know how that goes. So he called my mom when he found out and yelled at her for not telling him where it was so he could watch.
Right before Christmas he sent my husband a Christmas card w/ no return address (my husband is Jewish by the way). I put my father’s address on it and put “Return to Sender” as I normally do when he sends stuff. I just want this man out of my life!!!!!!
My mom called me today and told me my father has contacted the post master and is filing a complaint against me for mail fraud because I’m the one that wrote “Return to Sender” on the envelope and it was not addressed to me but my husband and my husband has never communicated with him before.
WTF????? I’m so over this, I want him gone and out of my life. I don’t understand why he can’t just leave me alone. I’m a million times happier without him in my life and have never once regretted not talking to him. His life is a miserable mess since he and my step mom hate each other so I know he’s doing it just because he literally has no one else.
I thought about getting a restraining order but then he could take me to court to dispute it and I just don’t feel like I should have to devote any time to this man or his actions. My husband is out of town this weekend and I’m so upset over this.
Does anyone have any words of advice???? Please.
Post # 3
(Copied from previous post)
I’m so sorry that this is happening. I don’t know what happens when someone contacts a postmaster and files a complaint so I really can’t advise you there. All I can say is that this seems like a desperate attempt to get your attention and to get you to contact him. It’s sad and it’s manipulative.
It also doesn’t seem like this behavior is going to let up, and if you truly don’t want him in your life (and you’ve made it quite clear that you don’t) and if his behavior is consistently brutal and harrassing, you may have grounds for a restaining order. I know you don’t want to go that route, but short of reconciling…what other options can be considered?
Post # 4
Really sorry you are going through this right now….if he keeps bothering you then the restraining order might be what you have to do….
Post # 5
Wow…it’s really hard to give advice on such a sensitive subject, but I do have a friend who was in a similar situation. Her dad basically stopped talking to her when he remarried and he ended up moving to Florida (we’re in California) which she felt was like total abandonment. She was so angry for years, but when he did contact her he (like your dad) did not feel that he did anything wrong. He ended up coming to her wedding but she was very ambivalent about it. She dealt with it at first by writing him a letter with everything she had been feeling for 10 years or so. It didn’t magically fix their relationship, but they talk occasionally.
I would say on the positive side…at least your dad cares and is trying. Although his methods are not the most thoughtful or mature… You might regret it further down the line if you never speak to him again. I can tell you are not ready now, but maybe you could just send him a letter that explained yourself and say that you need some time – with no contact at all, and then after that point maybe you could talk.
Just remember, life is long; family is family and they are often very near from perfect. Express your feelings (always! ), tell him to stop trying to trick you into seeing him, but maybe leave the door open for the future?
Post # 6
I’m usually a big proponent of getting along with family but there are always exceptions and your dad is one. You are so strong for ignoring him for so long. He is abusive and harrasing and should be ashamed of himself for the rest of his life. Try to ignore him emotionally as well as you ignore him physically. When he does something crazy like the post office try to find it funny, because it sort of is. He is a sad human being without the self awareness to see how badly he continues to act. I hope you get a restraining order when/if you feel it will make your life easier instead of harder because of court.
Post # 7
I feel so sorry for all the people and more specifically women in his life right now. It breaks my heart that there is nothing we can do about men like this, merrily living their lives and harassing and hurting people.
Post # 8
He’s selfish and you owe him nothing. As far as filing a complaint- how could he ever prove that it was you and not your fiance who wrote “return to sender” – especially if he has never communicated with your FI? Just igonore him.
Post # 9
Talk to the police. Not 911, of course, but maybe visit your local police station to get some advice here. Learn more about how much you would need to be involved in a restraining order. It may not be as bad as you think. They may be able to give you more ideas about your options.