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Here are my thoughts:
If you got an invite to this party would you expect/want to see:
Yes, something along those lines. Although it's not necessary.
If you like, but I think a dessert table would be very cute with cupcakes? That way no one has to be in the kitchen afterwards cutting up the cake into cute slices.
Why not? I think it's fun for people to express their well wishes on your marriage.
If you don't like the formality of a first dance, and there will be no dancing then not necessary. If there will be dancing but you dont' like the formality of a first dance you should atleast lead the first dance by picking the song and starting the dancing. You can ask close friends and family to be prepared to join you and your new SO soon after you start, so everyone knows it's ok to dance too.
Not necessary, this would be a personal choice you and your SO would need to make.
Your idea of tapas is great. You can also have a table with various salads, cheeses and rolls for light eating.
Depends if there will be dancing. Is there a patio that is flat/smooth which will allow people to dance, if you plan on having dancing?
Unless you are having a white-gloved caterer people will not be expecting formal. semi-formal (possibly), casual probably. Most people will derive the clues from your invitation. I would put a note at the bottom that says cocktail reception or cocktails/tapas will be served.
This wedding sounds fun! You should post some pictures when it's all over. Good luck with your planning.
divineduo.JPG (95.3 KB, 30 downloads) 1 year old 
We are having a casual "Toast the Newlyweds" event in a couple of months. Along with everyone having fun, my main thoughts are to have a:
We're not setting up a stage or anything, it's probably just something that will happen naturally. We won't do a first dance, though.
My FI cousin just had an "at home reception" after being married in Florida and they did the whole shabang which as a guest who could not attend the Florida wedding loved! Only thing they did not redo was the exchange of vows/renewal of vows.
I would so a semi-formal cocktail style reception with tons of good music and dancing but this is your wedding and if you want to have a formal sit-down dinner and complete ceremony then go for it!
I think I would want to see maybe highlights from the wedding and a vow renewal along with some light food and dancing. Everything else would be nice but I would not expect it since it appears you are having the party about 9 months later. I think it sounds like a fun time to see all your family and friends and re-celebrate with them :)
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My FI and I are heading to Mexico with a very small circle of family and friend in Dec 2010 for our wedding and reception. Then in September of 2011 in the evening we would like to have a party of some sort for our family and friend that everyone can attend and celebrate our wedding with us. (The location we are thinking is glass walled beach house.)
If you got an invite to this party would you expect/want to see: