(Closed) At least 2 or no kids

posted 5 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

We haven’t 100% decided if we want to have kids but if we do we plan on having one. I’m an only child & I don’t see anything wrong with just having one kid.

Post # 5
2078 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I say have one, see how it goes, if you get the feeling you want another go for it, and so on.  I think it’s a little silly to say either 2 or none. Either you want to procreate or you don’t. Coming from a 2 child household, in my gut I feel that 2 is good but that’s just what I’m used to and we’ll see after 2 how we feel. 🙂 But if I could only have one, for whatever reason, I’d rather have that one child to love on than none.

Post # 6
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

he needs to see how he can handle one child before he decides (and discusses with you) on having a second. Sheesh.

Post # 7
3943 posts
Honey bee

I think it’s hard to miss what you never had. I grew up with 2 siblings and I can’t imagine it being any other way or being an only child. And my only child friends feel the same way, they loved it and never wished for siblings.


Post # 8
1120 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think like your husband.

I am a single child. As a child, I loved it. As an adult, this is really hard on me and because of that, I want my son to have siblings.

Here are a few reasons:

1) I am alone. When my parents get old, I will be alone in taking care of them, no one will understand exactly what I’m going through. When they die, I will have no one to reminisce the good times we had.

2) Again, I am alone. When they die, I will still have family in my husband and kids. But no one who has been with me all my life and who knows me and would always be there for me. No one I share blood with.

3) I will never, ever understand the bond between siblings. I look at the relationship between my Darling Husband and his sister and other people with siblings and I envy that, now. I never experienced a bond so deep and will  never understand it.

4) When I grow old, if something were to happen to me that would make me inapt, should my Darling Husband die before this happens, I have no one who can take care of me.. I mean, worse case scenario: my parents are dead, Darling Husband is dead, our kids are still too young… I have an accident and need someone to handle my finances and important decisions. There is no one in the world I can be completely comfortable asking without feeling like I’m a burden to them.


There are other reasons… But these are the most important to me right now. Again, as I kid I loved being an only child, but it’s as a grown up that I suffer from it. My parents couldn’t have any other children so it wasn’t really a choice, but they would have given me siblings if they could.

Post # 9
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@walnutgirl:  I have a huge family. My dad has 6 siblings & they all have tons of kids so I never felt alone. I have lots and lots of cousins. As far as my immediate family I never felt alone or lonely. I had lots of friends growing up that I would hang out with. Being an only child also made me very independant early on. I have a few cousins who were born the same year as me and we are all super close.

Post # 10
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think I can understand him.  If God gives me one, I’d be happy, but I can’t imagine parenting a child without a sibling.  It just changes so much in my mind, I don’t know.  You don’t have to worry about “fair and equal” but it changes the way I would deal with teaching responsibility, generosity, entitlement, etc. at different ages.  It feels like it would be a bigger challenge than raising two…but that’s probably because I grew up with siblings and I don’t have kids.  My views might change as soon as I have a child. 

@mommytobee: I can totally understand that.  I don’t know what I’d do without my sister now, as an adult.  No one understands how frustrating my parents are being right now the way she does, and no one else in the world could share that burden with me (though my husband understands in a very limited way).  My brother has been a trial, but when I was younger, I couldn’t imagine life without him.

Post # 11
993 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Just my exoerience – only speaking for me.

My baby cousin and my nephew are both only-children.  I see it taxing on their parents to always have to provide them with entertainment. You cant say “go play with your sister”. Though I love ththey’d will admit they arE a bit spoiled. Many resources and one grand kid on each side of the family means ALOT of gift money and presents. My nephew got over $1000 for his 6th birthday.  This has to do with cultural background, and the whole extended family supporting the raising of a child.

As China is learning, a one-child policy means alot ofresponsibility is placed on an only child for care and support as parents age.  Once parents pass, the child doesn’t really have a brother or sister to lean on.

We hope to have 2-4 kids because our families are small, plus we love kids and I just want a whole table full!  We’ll take whatever comes though 🙂

Post # 12
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@walnutgirl:  I don’t see what’s so bad about having one kid. People act like it’s a sentence for the kid to be very spoiled, lonely, and somehow socially dysfunctional. I know plenty of only children who turned out just fine.

Right now I want one kid. If we decide to have more than one, then great… but I set the expectation that I may only want one.

There are pros and cons for having one kid and pros and cons for having more than one. Neither situation is ideal.

Post # 13
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

More than one or childless?  Whoa.

I am an only and so is my FH and we plan to have an only based on our experiences.  We have very close relationships with our parents plus we both were able to participate in lots of activities and travel while growing up.  We may reconsider having a second once we have a child but right now we are confortable with the number.  Who knows?  You might change your mind or he might change his once you have a child.

If you want even one child then he needs to compromise on the no children issue because that can create major problems down the road.  I know a lot of women who agreed (against their better judgment) to not have any children because their current boyfriend or spouse didn’t want any and came to regret that decision much later in life when they were no longer with the guy and were too old to have children.

Post # 14
2823 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@canarydiamond:  +1.

@beachbride1216:  +1

I have to admit I was spoiled growing up VERY spoiled & some say I still am! haha.  I was also a social butterfly & had lots of friends throughout my whole life. So I don’t necessarily think because you only have one kid they are going to be socially dysfunctional and have no one to hang out with. There are lots of only children who turn out perfectly fine.

Post # 15
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m on the same page as your husband.  If we have kids I want at least two.  Having a sibling growing up was the best.  My brother was a huge pain in my ass but we had a great relationship.  He passed away almost 5 years ago and things just aren’t the same.  I miss having someone to talk to about my dad and my stepmom.  2 or bust for sure.

Post # 16
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I have one sister and a host of cousins, a few of whom I grew up with as close as a sibling. My one little cousin (I say that, he is like a junior in high school!) and I were together a lot because we lived a few blocks from each other and saw each other a lot more than I saw my other cousins but it was after my sister was older and moved out. We joke when discribing the relationships in our family, he has a little brother, a couple older cousins and a big sister (Me!). I can’t imagine not having siblings and cousins, which happens when your parents are only children! Darling Husband has no cousins because even though both his parent have siblings, one is totally estranged and possibly dead and the other got married late in life and never had kids. It is a totally different family dynamic and one I would never want for my kids. I want a huge family and would never want just one kid. I loved growing up with all my insane aunts and uncles and cousins and even if my sister and I fought like cats and dogs when we were little I can’t imagine life without her. After she moved off to college and I was an “only” child at home, it was lonely. No one to conspire and complain about mom and dad with! And I guess it might feel different for people who aren’t close to their siblings but even as adults I love getting together with my sister and brother in law. And even DH’s brother and sister in law are usually good company. 

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