Post # 1
Over two years ago I meant the man of my dreams. The love is something I have never experienced before and am so thankful for every day. One day out of the blue my BF knelt down in front of my in the livingroom, told me how much he loved me and asked me to marry him. I didn’t know what to say. I asked are you serious? He stood up and said no in a round about way. I was confused but I wrote it off. No big deal. Two weeks later he reluctantly told me it was real but he felt embarrased because he didn’t have a ring to give me. I explained that I didn’t care about that. He said that he wants to do it right and get a ring. Excited about the idea we started looking and found a beautiful vintage one. We received it a week later. I couldn’t wait. He said that once he had it he would do it over, the right way.
That was January 19, 2011. To this day, the ring is still in his drawer. After asking probably too many times why he hasn’t given it me yet, he claims he wants it to be perfect. I reached a point a couple of months ago after driving myself crazy wondering what had changed. I would ask and ask what was different. He assured me that nothing had changed. He wants to marry me. I have driven myself crazy wondering why he is making me wait knowing how much this upsets me. Twice since then when I had had enough, he begs me to stay, saying I was going to do it this day or that day…don’t buy it.
Two months ago I decided to tell him that I had heard “soon” too many times. I said I have set a date in my head as to what will be too late and I will stick to it this time. He sent it out to be sized.
I still don’t have it.
I don’t know what to do now. I love him so very very much. I am absolutly beside myself.
Please help… 🙁
Post # 3
Honestly, it sounds to me like you need to cut your losses and move on. I don’t think he wants to get married. To have a ring for over a YEAR and still not propose? I’m really, truly sorry but I don’t think this man wants to get married, and all of this dragging of his feet isn’t fair to you.
Post # 4
Don’t stress girl.. Perhaps he’s waiting for the right moment because he feels like he blew it the first time.
The surprise element is really important to a lot of men (mine included).. He knows you’re expecting it and waiting for it, which is probably not what he wants. He wants to catch you off guard and sweep you off your feet!
I don’t think any man that wasn’t serious about getting married would do something ballsy enough as to propose to a woman without a ring.. but he loved you enough to take the risk and go for it.. but seeing as to how you reacted, he realized that it IS important to have the ring as a symbol.. and perhaps now he wants to start over.. The more you pressure him, perhaps the longer it’s going to take for him to finally ask you.. If you trust the man you’re with, then trust that he has the best intentions at heart..
Just try and sweep it under the rug for now.. Perhaps if he hasn’t popped the ring out by the end of THIS year, THEN consider moving on and ending the relationship.. But Im almost positive he just wants to surprise you..
Post # 6
Honestly, I would rather just be engaged than have to wait over a year for the perfect surprise. that’s ridiculous. it won’t be a complete surprise because they chose the ring together and it’s been so long, now she’s just expecting it.
OP, I am sorry you are going through this. It’s frustarting and could lead to resentment on your part. If he wants to marry you and you want to marry him and he has the ring, what is the hold up? I would also be at my wit’s end. If there’s nothing major like finances or family issues or job problems, what is he waiting for? any day he proposes will be special, surprise or no surprise. *Hugs*
Post # 7
@itsfate: May I ask, how old are you guys?
Post # 8
If a marriage is so important to you, propose to him.
If you want to be traditional, tell him you want to get married, it’s important to you, and that’s all you’re going to say on the matter.
I am definitely not a fan of walk dates or ultimatums (Although I see them as one and the same) so I will refrain from commenting. You probably don’t want to hear what I’d have to say, anyway.
Post # 9
@lolaswann: Perhaps.. I’ve been with my FI for 6 years.. He proposed when we were together for 5.5 years.. I even moved 1300 miles away from home to be with him when he decided he wanted to open his business here.. I felt discouraged because after being with him for so long and moving my life up here, he still hasn’t proposed.. Of course, everyone would ask me “When are you getting married?!” and it would stab at my self esteem each time… So of course, i kept pressuring him and asking and asking and he woudl push it off and tell me to stop asking.. I cried A LOT regarding the matter and even questioned moving back home..
I decided to stop bringing it up and asking him about it because it was doing more damage than good.. Well, finally, on my birthday, he proposed when I least expected..
I guess I just want OP to be a little more optimistic because I didn’t get my ring until after almost 6 years.. But granted, he didn’t have a ring that i knew about stashed in his drawer.. That does change things..
Post # 10
It sounds like he doesn’t want to marry you. He may love you in his own way and he may not want to lose you, but from the outside, it does not compute why he would hold out if he was ready to marry. It’s one thing to just simply not be ready and tell you that he wants to marry down the road. Not everyone is on the same timeframe. But this is ridiculous.
He probably got carried away when he first asked you and ever since then he feels pressured. I wouldn’t want to start out a marriage this way. I think the most concerning thing to me is that he hasn’t admitted this to you like a grown man should. He sounds incredibly immature and selfish, holding onto a ring for 2 years. If he really did want to marry you, it seems cruel to make you wait knowing how agonizing it is for you.
See how it looks to outsiders? He’s either really immature or cruel. Or both. I would leave.
Post # 11
If I had a nickle for every time i heard this story.
Stick to your walk date. Then WALK
Post # 12
Your “walk date” is meaningless to him it’s only for you. If he was ready and truly wanted to marry you he would have asked by now. I would reset the walk date for right now.
Post # 13
He’s been sitting on the ring for over 2 years, that doesn’t sound like someone who wants to get married. I’d ask him directly, does he or does he not want to get married/engaged soon and why. If what he’s saying doesn’t agree/coincide with your plans then you need to leave.
Post # 14
Im not a fan of walk dates either but I would sit down and have a grown up talk with him..
Tell him you want a brutally honest answer no matter if he thinks it will upset you or not and ask what is the hold up… if he cant be upfront and honest.. then you need to re-evaluate what standards you are putting your relationship to.
Post # 15
@MsHeatFan: I am 38 he is 39.
Post # 16
@itsfate: Do you have any inclination as to why he hasn’t done it yet hun?