at my wits end.

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Are you sure it’s the next step to him? If DBF flat out ignored me when I talked about anything, there’d be hell to pay, but more so for something that important

Post # 5
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

That seems really frustrating. 🙁 I would really want the ring as well….not the actual material ring but what it resembles. Some guys feel that they don’t need it to have a commitment but maybe you should explain to him how important it is to you?

Post # 7
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

You’re not being silly. To me, a child would inrease my need for security and committment, so I get it.

Post # 8
Member
55 posts
Worker bee

100 percent. Even something cheap from Asha or Mossy just a little something..even if he just proposed. Doesn’t mean you have to get married right now. Men don’t seem to understand our need for this. 
My hubby is one of the few that actually gets it…that being said he is way emotional which is really annoying sometimes haha.

 

But I think you really need to express this to him. It’s really important 

Post # 9
Member
603 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Would you be happy with a civil ceremony at a courthouse.  If he knows the actual wedding wouldn’t cost anything  then I don’t know why he would be opposed to it. To be perfectly honest, if you already have a child and finances are tight, then you should be looking at low cost weddings (marriage at a pretty park, then maybe a brunch reception)

Post # 10
Member
26 posts
Newbee

I totally get you! My SO and I have been together for 3 years, moved in after 6 months, dog after a year and a half, and I’m pregnant with our first child due in October. I’m currently waiting on the ring- which his mother provided us with, it was her grandmothers wedding ring. It’s being fixed up and I should have a proposal in the next couple of weeks (I hope), but had it not been for his mom giving us the ring I doubt I’d have anything to look forward to. He always made the excuse we can’t afford a ring, which was understandable, but I can’t help but feel it was a cop-out excuse. It sucks to be pregnant, or in your case a mother, with no real promise of a ring or the go-ahead to plan a wedding you obviously deserve and are ready for!! 

Im rooting for you, maybe ask him in a casual way if there are any family heirloom rings from his side? At least make it known you don’t enjoy calling the father of your child your “boyfriend”, it sounds disconnected and informal. I know I can’t handle it anymore, it’s actually pretty embarrassing having to refer to my SO as my BF… Makes me feel belittled. 🙁 I think the whole “don’t talk about it” approach to getting a proposal is off the table in your situation, you need to straight up tell him- without attacking!- that you need it to feel like a respected and included member of your OWN family. 

I think my SO may behave nudged his mother for the ring not long after I broke down crying realizing that my last name will be different than my son’s on his birth certificate… May or may not have been the big kick in the butt he needed to just shut up and get the engagement process going.

Post # 11
Member
153 posts
Blushing bee

The time for just “bringing it up” has passed.  It is time for you to sit down and have a very serious conversation.  Of course you first need to decide whether this is a deal breaker for you.  if it is how you feel, explain to him that marriage must be in the cards in the near future in order for you to stay in the relationship.  

Once you have had a child together you have a bond for life , maybe he feels that is sufficient and signifies his committment. You may need to lay it out very specifically to him.  If finances are the concern for him, you may need to be clear what your ring/wedding expectations are.  

I once knew a couple who used their new house purchase as a house warming/ we are now married party after a city hall wedding.  They skipped the engagement ring and she got an amazing wedding ring!

Post # 12
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Is he worried about finances? Would you be okay with an elopement, if that’s his issue?

I honestly would not buy a house with him if he doesn’t want to get married.

I would be going crazy too living with the FIL, with no privacy like you say, in a strange city… and no answers from him. It seems like you’re in a very vulnerable position, so to speak. The least he can do is give you answers to your questions. You deserve that respect.

If he keeps ignoring the topic of marriage you may have to make some radical decisions to get him to wake up – assuming he is just clueless about how important this is for you.

 

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors