At the risk of sounding needy…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think it’s a pretty normal part of a relationship progressing – espeically since you’ve recently gone from LDR to living in the same place.

As for wanting him to plan date nights, why don’t you schedule 1-2 date nights a month and take turns planning them?  

Post # 4
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Do you text him? My FH says it helps when I initiate things too. It can’t be always him. Not always what I like to hear but it makes sense. Meet him in the middle, send him some texts and love him up. He may be feeling EXACTLY like you are so be the bigger person, throw him a bone and show him you are thinking of him. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it so much!

Post # 5
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LilRhodyGem:  +1.  I was going to suggest the same thing.  My husband and I communicate a lot throughout the days, mostly by email.  He likes it when I initiate contact sometimes, so he doesn’t always have to. 

Post # 7
9019 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:   Have you tried talking to him about it?  I have to admit, that would bug me, too.  He should answer you unless he’s excessively or unusually busy.  To me, communication and staying connected is so important.  My husband knows this about me. I’d be crushed if he ignored six messages; I’d think something had happened to him. 

Your FI should at least tell you if he’s too busy to text, it only takes a second.  If it’s important to you and makes you feel loved, he should do it.  It’s not about being needy, and besides, being needy is called being human.

Post # 8
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

That would bug me too. Try communicating that to him. He won’t know it’s bothering you if you don’t say so. But, don’t be all accusatory about it.

Also, I highly recommend pre-maritial counseling for opening up lines of communication. We did it and had no problems in our relationship, but the counseling really improved our communication. We went to a therapist for ours.

Post # 9
7630 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Have you directly told him what you want? It’s hard to ask for specifically what you want but good communication goes both ways. Let him know that you would like one text message a day and see if he thinks that’s reasonable. Outline your other needs directly too. 

Post # 10
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@Sunfire:  +1. That’s exactly what I was going to say. Have you told him? Sometimes people don’t know they are offending you/pissing you off unless you let them know. It’s better to tell him when you have a clear head rather than letting it build up and then exploding at him.

Post # 11
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Is he more busy at work than he used to be?  My husband and I chat online throughout the day when i’m not at work, but a lot of the time he doesn’t answer.  Sometimes he’s busy and I don’t always expect a response anyway since he’s at work and isn’t really supposed to be spending time chatting with me while he’s there.

Post # 12
5905 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Hope_To_Be_MrsLovebug:  Don’t be upset about it, this just means that your relationship is evolving, and I’m not telling you to tolerate such nonsense either, but its nothing that I would allow to bother me in the least.

Either way, you can’t honestly control what he does or does not do and talking to him about this could be easily misconstrued as nagging and a nagging woman is like a dripping faucet….besides…do you really want to sit him down and tell him how to romance the pants off of you?

NO!  You want him to be motivated and interested to do that on his own, we all do.

First of all….I can’t help you with the texting thing, I hate cell phones and carry one because I talk to my mother every morning on my way to work and that’s it…I find them irritating and banal and text messages just don’t work for me…so sorry, but I’m not helpful there.

Romance however, this is my area….and what every woman seems to forget or fails to figure out is that as liberating and comforting as full disclosure and open and honest communication can be its also terribly boring and predictible….the most fascinating women are an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, sihouetted just out of sight and reach….and if your FI is like most men, he always has and always will enjoy the chase….but you’re engaged, he’s got you, right? WRONG!  Mr. 99 and I have been married for 5 years and I still throw that man a curve ball every chance I get, not because I’m being manipulative, but because I’m being myself….and for him, that’s just about as good as it gets.

He’ll tell me he’s going out for the day with the guys for paint balling, he’ll come home to a roasted chicken with all the trimmings and me looking like some gorgeous house-wife from the 50’s, with big hair, apron, heels and a martini at the door….next week, he runs out for a trip to the hardware store and comes back to find the house empty with a note telling him I’ll be back later…and I show up with a pair of Nerf guns and we turn out the lights and play Shoot Em Up in the house all night long….I’m impulsive, that’s how I work and because Mr. 99 can never really pin me down on anything, other than the fact that I love him, he’s always watching me, calling me, checking in to see what’s next…because its exciting, and that inspires him to be exciting and impulsive and romantic…so it’s cyclical.

As for the bearing our souls thing….honestly, that happens maybe once a year, after too much wine, on our anniversary, we get it over with, get really sappy and tell each other how much the other means to us, re-hash all the good stuff, the bad stuff, the funny stuff and pretty much decide that for another year, we’re still going to be crazy in love with each other…so yeah.

Its not always prom but on those rare occasions that we do get to exchange those sentiments…its amazing.

Good luck & you aren’t needy!


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