- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2013
I’m sorry if this turns into a big off-colour rant, I’m just sick with anxiety over all this and no one is helping us at all!
The tl;dr version is that my fiance’s brother, in a coked-out rage, tried to murder him, his younger brother and his parents. He assaulted the younger brother and my fiance, and Ben (fiance) ended up choking him out on their front porch to get him out of the house. Brother then comes back and goes through their solid wood door with an edging spade before taking it to their vehicles. I walk up to the house literally 15 minutes after all this happened; we were supposed to all be getting together for a ‘Christmas dinner’ kind of thing.
He ended up battling the legal system for a year because the province pressed charges, not the family, and his parents ended up defending him, paying legal fees and fighting tooth and nail to keep him out of prison despite the fact that he’s also stolen over $25k from them in the last decade.
Yeah. He’s a real winner. As you can assume, once fiance moved in with me, we made it clear we want nothing to do with this asshole. He doesn’t have our phone numbers, doesn’t have our address, and I thought we were free of him once we moved out of the city.
Apparently, not so much.
Fiance and I were back in IL’s city for Christmas break (still in university at another institution) and guess who walks in the door every goddamn night for dinner! Or because he got evicted because his coke-dealing roommate wasn’t paying the rent? Or because he needed money/a drive/anything he can wring his parents for? Youuuuu guessed it, the big bro.
To make matters even more fun, a few days after we were engaged his mother told me straight up that they weren’t paying for anything because no one helped them with anything. They were 28, had full time jobs and money. We’re students who have no money because they don’t pay for anything else in Ben’s life either! So yes, I’m bitter about that, but I thought I was over it.
We tell his parents while we’re home that we’re getting married this summer. The location is far away from their house (apparently ‘a lot to ask’ despite them being retired and having nothing else to do AND planning to vacation 10 miles from the destination a month later anyway!), my parents are contributing quite a bit, and the guest list is short. All of this irritates my FMIL, but then she has to go and ask
“So, are you inviting psychobrother to your wedding?” FML. Ben is unfortunately the kind of guy who never wants to butt heads with anyone, so by the end of that conversation FMIL is enraged and about to cry, FFIL is enraged and saying that “if we don’t invite [psycho] they likely aren’t coming” and I’m about ready to murder them both myself.
Ben has now been guilted into admitting we’ll invite him. I’ve said no such damn thing and have no intention of doing so. After talking to him about it last night again we agreed that it’s our damn wedding, we’ll invite who we please, and if his parents decide not to come then they’re choosing his piece of work brother over him, and we don’t want them there if that’s the case anyway! I have zero problem calling their bluff.
But I hate putting my fiance in this situation. He feels like he’s being attacked by his family, and he hates being the ‘bad guy’ despite the fact that they’re making him choose between my family’s safety, my sanity, and their vanity.
We talked last night and are about 70% sure now that we want to just elope rather than deal with this. I am literally planning my dream wedding, my family is over the moon excited, everything is falling into place and I’d rather give all that up and elope than have to put up with this crap for another 6 months, let alone the rest of my life.
What do I do? Are we in the wrong? Do we really have to invite this bastard?