Post # 1
So, here’s the deal. BF and I have been together for 6.5 yrs, living together for almost 2. We love each other very much, never fight, have common interests, etc. We even talk in the future tense about when we have a house, if we have kids, if we get married, etc, pretty often. I’m in my early early twenties, and he’s in his late twenties, so we’re still kinda “young” to get married, and I have about 5 years of school left as well. We are extremely happy together.
My question is…when do you consider yourself “waiting” as opposed to just being boyfriend and girlfriend? Is it when you know you want to spend the rest of your lives together? When he buys the ring? When you start talking about getting married? Is it a formal thing, or more informal?
I ask because we’re at a weird limbo-y place right now where we talk like we’re going to get married at SOME point in the future, but at the same time I’m not 100% sure I would consider myself “waiting”. It’s hard to explain, I’m not sure I described it correctly…
Post # 3
I think you are waiting when you are sure you are going to get married and you are waiting to be engaged and then start planning a wedding.
Post # 4
I think the waiting begins when you seriously discuss your future together and have pondered/looked at/inquired about rings.
Post # 5
I’d say that “waiting” is when you know you’re getting engaged, maybe you’ve even looked at rings. You may have even started a timeline for the wedding and planning in your mind, and you’re just waiting for that proposal.
I guess it is tricky, though, when you know you’ll spend your lives together, but that you’re waiting to finish school or whatnot. I’ve heard the term “engaged to be engaged” which basically means you’ve made that promise to one another, but for further in the future. I understand that it feels weird to call someone your “boyfriend” when you’ve made those kind of promises, but that he’s not quite your fiance – I was in that place for awhile, I didn’t know what to call him. If only there was a more fitting term to use.
Post # 6
I think if you’ve talked about getting engaged and married but you haven’t done either yet, then you are waiting. 🙂
But to be honest I don’t like the term at all and had never heard of it until I came on this site. I think it makes it sound too much like women don’t have any power and are helplessly waiting for a man to decide. I know that’s not what it really means, and I get the usage, but it still bugs me… (and I know that has nothing to do with your question, so forgive my rant)
However, it is really exciting when you get to the point in a relationship when you know things are serious/forever kind of stuff – so congrats!
Post # 7
Ditto gill84 – I never considered myself “waiting” and hadn’t heard that term before. I think it sounds like you are just sitting around waiting for a guy to make the decision that you are taking the next step. Personally I much preferred just being happy and in the moment and enjoying all that dating had to offer, knowing that one day I wouldn’t ever have a boyfriend again! I am not sure I would have wanted to spend too much effort on figuring out when/how/if he was going to propose……
Post # 8
@melodicsighs1: YES that is the perfect term, I think, for us 🙂 Engaged to be engaged. Thank you for posting that!
I totally agree that “waiting” just sounds so passive, and a little pathetic. I mean, we are together here and now, and having a great time, and we will get married when we get married.
…But that doesn’t change the fact that I can barely wait! haha.
Post # 9
While it doesn’t sound fun we really are “waiting”. Waiting for him to propose, buy the ring, the stars align and he finally asks. We have to wait on them, I can’t propose to my boyfriend. If I had it my way we would be married right now, but I don’t……so I’m waiting
Post # 10
@viking princess. I see your point. If one person is ready and the other isn’t, then waiting is totally the term. I guess I never thought of it that way since we both sort of talked through every step and were on the same page, so I never felt like I was waiting for him to catch up. We sort of realized at the same time that we were ready to get engaged.
Post # 11
To me, it begins when you both decide you want to marry each other and you are just waiting on the proposal.
I don’t think waiting refers to waiting until he is ready to get married, at least not to ME.
Post # 12
And BTW I considered it waiting when I discovered I wanted to marry him. He feels the same way but it took him months longer than me. I am still waiting for a proposal though.
Post # 13
I think you are officially “waiting” when you sign up and start blogging on weddingbee! hehe just kidding….
Post # 14
Waiting is probably when the two of you have seriously talked about marriage and getting married to each other not just marriage in general ..and he says there is a ring coming, but for some reason like lets say financially the ring hasn’t appeared yet. I second the term engaged to be engaged! My friends know its gonna happen, my parents have definitely blurted out that they “expect” us to get married So’s fam as well lol