Post # 1
I have an anger issue and I’m not afraid to admit it. Something can happen (like the douche bag at the gas station swooping in and stealing my gas pump) and I can go from rainbows and sunshine to fury in an instant. Most people can just brush it off but not me. When something really pisses me off, I will remain angry for hours and sometimes even days. A few months ago someone tried to cut me off and when I beeped at him (so that he would avoid hitting our car), he SPIT on our windshield. I’m STILL not over that. Every time I think about it I want to find the disgusting asshole driving the late model tan GMC SUV and spit right back in his face followed by repeated kicks to his (what I imagine to be incredibly small) genitals.
Anyways, the gas pump incident happened a few hours ago and FI was in the car. As we were driving back to work, I was bitching about the guy and I jokingly said that I think I may need anger management to which FI replied with “ya think?”. Now, I know I have a problem but I’ve never actually attacked someone before. Mostly I just scream obscenities and clench my fists while dreaming about pummeling the “offenders”. I can get angry very easily but for the most part I feel that my emotions are justified. Sometimes I can be totally irrational but normally when I get this angry, it’s for a good reason.
So, at what point should a person consider anger management?
Post # 3
Well, at the point that it interferes with your happiness and the happiness of your loved ones, I would think. I’m not really sure what you’re descirbing warrents anger management, but wouldn’t it be nice not to carry all that resentment around. That dude in the GMC SUV doesn’t remember you, doesn’t think of your or feel bad abotu spitting on your car. He’s living his happy life, totally over the entire situation, and here you are, wasting precious minutes of your life being mad at him. My hubby is sort of the same way as you. He gets mad in the car and yells and I tell him, the only person you’re managing to “punish” is me…I’M the one hearing you yell and curse….and I didn’t do anything!
Post # 4
I think if you think it will be helpful, go. If you think it will improve your life at all, go. If you think you can spend an extra few hours a week happy by letting go of anger, go.
You may not have hurt anyone else, but you have. By holding on to anger you are hurting yourself. Anger is a poison to your emotional health. Whether its directed at a stranger or someone you know such as your fiance. Being angry like this hurts no one other than yourself.
If you are as angry as you make it seem, I would worry that one day you might do some damage. If you plan on having kids they are going to make you angry. You dont want them thinking that they are such bad kids that you cant speak to them civilly for a few days. That is not good for them on so many levels. Or maybe you will punish them unnecessarily hard. A smack of the hand could easily be a hard push causing them to fall and hit their heads in the heat of anger.
Post # 5
If you’re asking, it might be something to look into. Staying angry for days over such inconsequential things is unhealthy for you.
Post # 6
I don’t think you need anger management as much as counseling to find out WHY you’re angry like that all the time. It’s weird, people harbor issues they don’t even know they have until they’re talking to someone about it. It happened to me…and I found the root of my problem, and I feel like a different person. Like easy peasy woosa woosa better haha 🙂
Post # 7
If you are carrying around anger with you, you are going to be the only one you end up punishing. It seems to be interfering a bit with your day to day since you dwell on things, but I don’t see anything you described as needed counseling. What about a different way to vent the angry energy? Kickboxing, Ju-jit-su, or maybe the opposite end of the spectrum like yoga or meditation. I have used meditation before to clear my mind, and it does work (for me at least).
Post # 8
I think it’s good that you’re aware of how you act and handle things – that to me makes me believe you don’t really need “anger management” as far as a class or something. To answer your question, the “point” I think would be if it ever got physical or interfered with your life any further than just being in a funk for a little while. If it really goes on for days, I’d definitely focus on trying to improve that time to a few hours or something. I myself can be really quick to get angry – I have a VERY short fuse and don’t tolerate BS very well but don’t consider myself angry. Bitchy, maybe. Lol. I think it sounds like you have it under control, but I’m not in the car with you. Think your FI was just joking? I joke with my FI that he needs anger management too when really all I think is he needs a chill pill when he gets cut off on the interstate.
Post # 9
When someone gets angry easily, the first thing I would want to check on is depression. It is the most common reason for anger flare-ups. And even if you don’t physically start fights, depression is something that can affect your whole life and your marriage. I would get checked out by a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis of what is going on before asking about treatment options.
Post # 9
If you are just feeling angry inside but not actually doing anything I dont think you need anger management. There are some simple calming steps my friend used on her wall that she would do whenever she go really angry, such as closing her eyese and taking really deep breaths and shutting out whatever is making her angry and then focusing on something else.. I know its easier said than done but it worked for her
Post # 10
I don’t think you need anger management. Maybe you need to work on getting over things sooner. I know I do too. When someone hurts me (not all of the time), no matter how kind I am to them after the fact or how hard I try, I still struggle with getting over it.
Post # 11
I think it’s really good that you recognize that you get angry very easily. I think because of that…if you don’t go to anger management, maybe seeing a counselor to find out why you get so angry at the drop of the hat would be helpful. Just to try to get to the bottom as to why you are so angry all the time. B/c while you might think your feelings are justified, others might not think they’re a big deal.
Like the guy cutting you off at the gas pump. No big deal…just wait behind him or find another one. Now the guy who spit on your windshield…I’d grab his license plate and report him to the state. That’ll fix him :o)
Post # 12
@AmeliaBedelia: I think that because she is aware means it will be that much more effective and she may need it that much more. If it were “under control” it wouldnt exist.
Its like someone knowing they hold a grudge against their parents for divorcing or their uncle for molesting them, but its still causing them problems in their current relationship. A counselor can provide the road map to dealing with it.
Just because someone knows a problem exists, doesnt mean they dont need help in addressing it. If there is an opportunity to create a better quality of life for herself and for her relationship it is worth exploring the option. There is nothing wrong with bettering her self.
EDIT- there is nothing wrong with seeking assitance. Learning calming techniques from an anger management professional (counselor or other) is not much difference than getting a physical by your doctor. If you cant do something properly yourself, then you get a professional to help you.
Post # 13
I don’t know you from Adam, and I don’t believe I’m in any way qualified to say that you need or don’t need anger management. BUT since you are having these feelings of hurting other people (lets face it, we all do sometimes) that are more than just lingering, wouldn’t you rather nip it in the bud BEFORE you beat the crap out of someone and end up with court ordered anger management?
Post # 14
- Wedding: May 2018 - Coyaba Resort, Montego Bay
I think asking is the first step – I think you will feel SO MUCH BETTER after talking to someone, you should go for it! It is healthy 🙂
Post # 15
Couldn’t hurt, the dwelling doesn’t sound healthy. You can’t live your life getting upset over things you don’t have control over.