Post # 1
Just curious…do you bees have “Divorce” qualifiers before you are even married? My DH and I have had discussions where we would agree that if either of us cheated it would be a divorce. Would money, adultery, lying, sickness, not being able to have kids qualify grounds for a divorce in your marriage?
Post # 3
@sunelake27: Well I have been divorced (one of the best decisions of my life!).
It took me a long time to figure out what is bad enough to get a divorce or is this just a lull or rough spot that marriages go through.
I was really really really unsure for a long time.
I had lots of therapy visits and read a lot of books. I came to the conclusion that what I was experiencing was NOT going to get better and could get worse in fact. That’s when I decided to get out – when I realized this was not going to get better and it was affectiong my mental, physical and emotional well being.
I know that doesn’t fall into your “money, adultery, sickness, not having kids” categories. It was more emotional abuse with some grey areas regarding physical stuff.
Not having kids would not be an issue as we don’t want kids.
Post # 4
@sunelake27: I’ve been divorced & know with all my heart that Mr. DC is for keeps.
Lying is not cool whether it’s your spouse or best friend…I just don’t stand for it.
Post # 5
I think cheating and abuse would be the only two things I would divorce my husband over. If myself or my DH were to become sick, I couldn’t fathom the thought of leaving each other. Also, we are having a heck of a time conceiving (took 2 years before I became pregnant, which sadly ended in a MC) so I would not consider that a reason to leave either.
Post # 6
Abuse of spouse or child
Incarceration (He would divorce me for a 2 year or greater sentence, I would divorce him for a 5-10 year or greater sentence)
Infidelity on my part (as in, he could not forgive infidelity, but I could)
Drug, gambling, or alcohol addiction that the spouse did not want treatment for (You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it)
I think that was it?
Post # 7
Once I realized I’m unhappy and don’t give a shit enough to try and fix it.
Post # 8
I have been divorced and it was very similar to the situation mentioned above. I knew it was not making me happy and wouldn’t get any better, that’s what caused me to finally leave. As for factors in my current marriage, cheating and abuse are non-negotiables for me and would result in divorce. Anything else is situational.
Post # 9
Abuse and infidelity are pretty much my only reasons for divorce.
Post # 10
@BrandNewBride: hmmm….this does not seem like a bit of a lop-sided deal to you?
Post # 11
I don’t think you need to go into it with qualifiers. Having been divorced, it’s no like it fit neatly into my life plan or some evaluative tool. To each their own.
Post # 12
@sunelake27: Abuse, violent criminal behavior, or mental illness/addiction with a total unwillingness to get help for it. That’s pretty much it.
We could probably get over infidelity.
Post # 13
Not having kids / inability to have kids is certainly not a deal breaker for me. We did not have a qualifier in our wedding vows about that whatsoever, so he’s stuck with me even if his swimmers don’t work.
Abuse? Yup, adios.
Cheating? Wow, that’s difficult to think about. I would be so upset and I’d definitely need my space for a period of time before making that decision. I’d like to say I’d up and go, but I’ve seen people survive infidelity, and others are just ruined by it. I’m not sure where we’d fall, so I’d leave that to answer if I ever found myself in that scenario.
Post # 14
@vmec: i agree 100%
it doesn’t matter what the condition or qualifier, when u know its not working thats it
Post # 15
Abuse (physical and mental) but I would forgive cheating under many circumstances.
Post # 16
If you keep trying to fix it and it stil remains broken… If either party cheats… Abuse of drugs, alcohol, or each other/children etc.