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If she's someone who openly mocks religion, then presumably she won't be surprised to have someone ask (non-confrontationally) why they're choosing to have their child baptized.
If you don't feel you can ask, I would try to assume the best. You never know what's really in someone's heart. Maybe they're feeling a call.
After all..."Judge not, lest ye be judged."
IMO, infant baptism is about more than just the faith (or lack thereof) of their parents - it's also a chance for the family, friends and congregation to promise before God that they'll help raise that child in God.
Since you're religious, it would seem to me you'd want to give your blessing to your nephew.
Sorry this is happening to you. Hmm, it's just a weird situation. While it's definitely extremely rude of her to mock others' beliefs, I don't think it would keep me from going to the baptism. My parents are not religious at all (I think you could call them atheists, although they don't make a big "thing" out of it). Both my brother and I were baptized congregationalist. Apparently, while neither of my parents are believers, they wanted to cover their bases - just in case. It also meant something to my grandparents. Definitely not done for the money. Not saying your FSIL's intentions are pure, but you never know. Belief is a funny thing sometimes - maybe she's an atheist but has a pull (as Mightywombat said) to get her child baptized.
I would probably just go in the name of family harmony.
It's her choice to have her child baptized, whatever the reasons. If it upsets you so much, why don't you privately ask her why she's doing it? Other than that, there's really nothing you can do about it. I'm pretty sure there are a lot of hypocrites out there that don't actually believe in their religion but still get their kids baptized. Just go and be as supportive as you can. It's not really worth the fight in my opinion....
That is really ridiculous that she mocks Christianity and wants to haver her son Baptized! I do not think someone should not have their child Baptized or dedicated unless they are committed to raising their child in God and so on and so forth because if not it is nothing but an empty gesture...
Is she planning a Christian Baptism or a "non-Christian Baptism"? I would assume Christian from what you said, but then I had a neighbor and also a cousin who had non-Christian Baptisms for their children (I attended my neighbors and was very confused and uncomfortable).
I think I would go but I would be very uncomfortable. If you believe she is in it for the money, perhaps give a gift like a Children's Bible or a Precious Moments book? You are (potentially, if she keeps it) contributing to the spiritual life of the child without letting her "win" if that is her goal, and would not be confrontational.
My brother and I each got a children's bible when we were dedicated, with our names engraved on them. It was one of my favorite things until it quite literally fell apart 14 years later.
I would probably go to the baptism out of politeness but I would feel awkward being a part of this woman's charade. I'm agnostic and even I was appalled reading about her behavior during the mealtime prayer. My fiance's family says grace before every meal and I've always been respectful of that even though it's not my thing. It seems very strange to me that she wants to have her child baptized at all.
@Knubbsy-Wubbsy: I agree, if I was to go I would buy a nice child's bible or something like that.
Maybe the family is pressuring her to go through with the religious rituals and she is too polite to refuse her family members?
im assuming becoming a parent is pretty life changing as maybe she is maturing and changing her views on some things
Since I don't know you FSIL, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. She may not want to force her child into atheism or any religion. She may be offering her son the opportunity to choose to remain within the faith until he is of age to decide otherwise.... or I am completely off base.
While I agree that it is strange, I would give your FSIL the benefit of the doubt. Baptism is more than religious - for many it is a cultural family tradition and perhaps that's what it means to her more than religious significance. Or maybe she's had a change of heart - faith is very personal and complex. Or maybe it IS for the money - but people have parties all the time for that reason, so to me it isn't much different. Poor taste? Absolutely. But don't begrudge your future nephew because of it. You certainly don't want to give her that ammo to tell people - and your nephew one day - that you didn't attend his baptism. Demonstrate YOUR good manners and attend with a smile, bearing a gift for your nephew that can't be cashed in for her use.
Yes, it is weird that she mocks Christianity but wants her child to be baptised. Maybe she is turning a new leaf. But if she is indeed continuing to mock God, I'm sure He will deal with it. Although it may be offensive, you really can't worry yourself about what's behind her actions. Basically, let go and let God.
While she may be doing it to hide her beliefs from her family, which understandably makes you uncomfortable, I don't think it's fair that a child should be denied baptism just because his parents are conflicted. They're not Christians (or say they're not - she was raised religious, and you can't see into her heart and know she doesn't still have some belief that she's fighting, or doesn't want her husband to know about maybe?), but that doesn't mean their son won't grow up to be. And yes, there's adult baptism in that case, but I know a lot of people (such as myself and clearly her and her family) prefer child baptism for any number of reasons. I would go - if she shouldn't be doing what she's doing, that's between her and God, and it's not my place to judge.
Look, admitting to your very religious family that you are NOT religious is hard. Maybe she's not the nicest lady in the world, but cut her some slack and let her baptize her kid. To her it's probably an empty gesture, but I can understand why she'd do it to keep the peace in the family. (And it's not a big deal, god is supposed to know all, right? So I'm sure she won't go to heaven or whatever and you can be happy.)
Attend the baptism.
@artsybee: Umm...what do you mean "it's about the money"? As far as I know, you don't get paid to have your child baptized. Other than that, though, I really have nothing to add to this conversation. It's up to you whether or not you go, though I would encourage you to attend for your nephew's sake.
And just in regards to your sister refusing to bow her head during the prayer...that's not disrespectful. Frankly, as an atheist, I find it disrespectful to expect me to pretend to go along with prayers (that said, it IS inappropriate that she's laughing during them). As for being "the kind of atheist that argues with you about it"...most Christians proselytize. Why shouldn't we be able to state our beliefs if you're allowed to do so freely?
@Jenniphyr: You get gifts at a baptism. Depending on the family and congregation it can be quite a bit.
Based on her stance toward religion, it is incredibly disrespectful and hypocritical that she wants to have a baptism for her child. Most churches will not allow them unless both parents are Christian, and even then they must both be church members in that particular denomination. Because she is so disrespectful toward religion in general, I would not go at all. That doesn't mean that you are wishing ill toward the child though, whom it sounds like will be raised in a very confusing manner.
Also, not every family chooses to baptize their child in front of the congregation. Many families opt for private baptisms where it is just them with the pastor, and it is much more common than you might think. In which case, the child won't receive any gifts, nor is that the reason to baptize the kid.
If she openly mocks religion when you pray around the table, etc, how is it that no one in the family knows she's not religious herself? That seems odd to me.
I don't know what the situation is truly, but I wouldn't be so quick to assume that she has nasty motives. I know plenty of people that baptize their children even though they themselves are not religious. For some people it's a safety net (Pascal's Wager of sorts), for others it's to appease parents, and many agnostics or somewhat spiritual individuals become religious when they have children. In that case I think you need to make your own decision. If you do go, do so respectfully.
If she does attack your faith, that's inappropriate and I think you need to confront her on it. Forcing her to bow her head at prayers is a little ridiculous though, since you wouldn't expect a Muslim to make you take part in their religious rituals (for one example.)
@Jillbean, well said, I agree totally.
Go out of respect for the child. And check any judgment at the church door.
I think this is a very grey area and a trecherous one at that.
The facts, when boiled down, are that you feel she is making a mockery of Christianity by having a ceremony without having sufficient belief in God. It appears that insufficient = 0.
However, there are plenty of people who show up every Sunday to Church who don't have sufficient belief for others - the kind who are daydreaming about the football kickoff or anything else during church when they should be praying.
And how much attention/time/faith should you devote to prayer during Christian ceremonies? Who gets to be the judge of just how much faith it takes for a ceremony to cease being a mockery and become a true ceremony? Are those that question their faith not allowed to attend church because their presence is a mockery?
All I ask is that you be very careful with this issue - it's a sleeping giant that could turn into a Spanish Inquisition - literally.
None of this makes sense. No hardcore atheist would get married in a church. No hardcore atheist would get their child baptised. So none of that makes sense to me. I smell a troll.
I think she's either having second thoughts about her faith now that she has experienced the miracle of birth; or she's doing this as an insurance policy in case she's wrong.
@artsybee: If she is hiding her athiesm from the family, why does she mock it at the family dinner table? Im a bit confused. OR perhaps she didnt tell everyone bc she wasnt sure yet. Maybe she changed her mind?
Maybes she's doing it to please her parents or her inlaws. whatevther the reason is, its not really your business. You should attend. I know youre angry but in the end this is her life and you speaking up wont help at all. What do you think is going to happen? You expose her and everyone boycotts? You tell her youve clued in, and upset her? Theres nothing good to come out of sticking your nose in.
@Miss Tattoo: Shes not hardcore if she hasnt told people yet. And of course it doesnt make much sense. the OP is confused herself, thats why shes here.
@artsybee: Honestly, I can't stand a hypocrite. No matter if the topic is religion, politics, or just a stated opnion. Especially the vocal ones. If she wants to be an athiest, fine, be an athiest. But she doesn't have to mock and disrespect others and their beliefs.
As far as the baptism...I find this extremely unsettling. My immediate gut reaction is to not go. On the other hand, I would want to be there for the child in this important day of his life.... This is a toughie.
I have come to the conclusion I am absolutely no help whatsoever. I just can't understand this woman.
ETA: I didn't read any PP's replies.
@WifeofBath: I kind of wanted to believe your train of thought as well. But it just doesn't seem to compute....
@Mrs.tobe: But this confused athiest is also her BM, thats also a problem. If she goes, she will avoid a headache. If she doesnt go theres a chance she may ruin her wedding if she gets that irritated. I say be the bigger person!
@CinnamonHeart: Did I miss the part about her being confused? (And I'm really, seriously asking...maybe I read the post differently?) I feel for the child, and like I said previously, I would want to be there for the child during this most important time. Sounds like the OP needs to be talking to FSIL about her concerns. Rationally, and calmly.
@Mrs.tobe: No you didnt, but I assumed she is confused because anyone who plans a baptism while sending out clues shes an athiest yet not telling anyone she is, seems to be a confused person.
I am not a religious person by any means, but I do know that this situation could really get under the skin of someone who is and I know its a sad day for this baby esp if its a joke to the parents. BUT that being said, this "athiest" is a BM and if she has it in her to ruin the OPs wedding over her not attending, I dont think its worth it for the OP to boycott the baptism.
I say go, because regardless of whether or not she and her husband will genuinely commit to rasing their child to have a close and personal relationship with God, YOU can offer a version of that committment. I agree with previous posters - just because a child's parents don't believe in God, it doesn't mean that they will lead a Godless life. You never know what role you may play :)
ETA: * it doesn't mean that the child will lead a Godless life
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I have no idea what to do with this - I would love to hear what everyone else thinks.
My FSIL is an atheist. The kind of atheist that likes to argue about it. She thinks its funny when the family prays at large meals, so she refuses to bow her head and close her eyes. She is always laughing and trying to get other people to laugh as the prayer is being said. I have always found it INCREDIBLY disrespectful and offensive.
Last year, she and her husband got pregnant after 3 months of dating. They got married a few months later. Both of them are atheist, and her brother (my FBIL) is a minister. He married them and she did not tell him neither of them believe in God. At the time, it wasn't that big of a deal to me, him marrying them under God, them lieing to him about what they believed so that he would marry them. It was a quick turnaround and she probably didn't want to cause any more unrest in the family - it's her life, whatever.
Now, FSIL has decided that she wants to have a baptism this weekend for her son's 2nd birthday and I am feeling very conflicted. Even though she won't admit to anyone else in the family that she doesn't believe in God, she is very open about it outside of the family setting.
Again, I know it is her life, but I DO believe in God. I feel watching her and her husband lie to the entire congregation, promising to raise her child in this religion that she openly mocks and stating she accepts the father, son and holy ghost is just... wrong. I feel uncomfortable being a part of it.
I have no idea WHY she is doing this. If I am completely honest, I think it's for the money... I can't imagine her mom pressuring her to do it.
No matter what the reason, none of them are the right reason.
I worry its going to cause an uproar if I don't go, and since she is a BM, I don't want her to throw a fit that draws into the wedding.
What does everyone think?