(Closed) athiest wedding

posted 8 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
5263 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2012

We’re both atheists as well, with very Christian families. It has been an issue already (family not happy that it’s not a church wedding, they don’t even know it won’t be a religious ceremony yet) and it’s hard to deal with. But if having a non-religious ceremony offends them, it’s too bad in my mind. The ceremony reflects you as a couple, not what people want to see. A lack of religion is not a legitimate reason for a guest to get offended IMO. 

If you check out the “secular” board, there are a whole slew of similar posts with advice! There are lots of non-religious readings, officiants, rituals, etc that are worth looking into. Hope that helps. 🙂

Post # 4
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Instead of prayers, you could find some readings or poems that discuss marriage and love (I have heard Robert Frost’s “The Master Speed” read many times). 

I know the Irish blessings are popular as well (May the road rise to meet you,
May the wind be always at your back…) because they tend to be more non-religious but very sweet. 

There are also lots of options like the sand ceremony and wine box ceremony that signify your unification as a married couple without bringing God/Jesus/etc into the picture. 

Good luck!

Post # 5
Hostess
16217 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I’m a Christian and I’ve been to PLENTY of non-religious ceremonies that haven’t offended me! I’m not offended by others not having the same beliefs.

My college roommate got married last summer and it was a secular wedding and it was so beautiful and emotional it brought me to tears. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Browse this section to see if anything helps:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/board/secular

The only difference in the structure is that one has religious readings and prayers and the other doesn’t. Beyond that, they’re the same. Those who love who should be willing and able to respect your choice. If they don’t, that is their issue and there isn’t anything you can do to change them. But you should not compromise who you are and what type of ceremony you have to please them either.

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I don’t think a ceremony needs to be religious, even with religious guests.

If your ceremony is still about love and commitment and the two of you, your guests should be fine.

I would include readings by famous poets or authors, rituals like hand fasting or the wine box that are not religious in nature, also, you can include your guests by having them vow to support you and your FI.  You can write your own vows or use non-secular ones that focus on the commitment you are making to one another.

I think Mrs.Mouse’s ceremony was non-religous for the most part and was very meaningful, look up her post on it as she goes into specific detail about it.

Post # 8
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Offbeatbride.com and the book are great resources to deal with this

Post # 9
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My FI and I are agnostic.  We are still going to be celebrating us and our love for one another.  We just will not be mentioning God… AT ALL.  I think if you make the ceremony special in your own your religious family might not care so much.

Post # 10
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had a ceremony outside, was married by a close friend, and God did not come up during the readings/vows at all. It was still a completely wonderful, meaningful, and loving ceremony. You would have had to be a complete piece of work to have been offended by it. (I come from a big Irish Catholic family on BOTH sides and was the first ever to have a wedding outside of the Church).

If you think people will still get really worked up, you can always play it like “god doesn’t have to be mentioned in order to be present.” But that’s sort of a last resort as you would be compromising your personal beliefs in order to appease others who won’t give you the same benefit.

Post # 12
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We’re not athiestic however, we didn’t want a religious ceremony.  Mostly because there were so many guests with differing religions we didn’t want any of them to be offended or to feel left out.  We had a nondenominational minister and he totally understood.  Our ceremony spoke mostly of love and its powers.  Also of our families/routes and how they effect our relationship, the ongoing support of our friends and family and to maintain our faith and love in each other.  Not once was a god mentioned.  We also had my aunt and his uncle pick no religious readings about marriage.  It can be done and it can be beautiful. 

Post # 13
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We are not having a religious ceremony at all! The most religious things about it are that we are have an Irish wedding blessing (no mention of God though!) and also a chuppah which is Jewish but more tradition-based for us. Our friend is officiating. I used Mrs Cherry Pie’s ceremony to help me write ours. Love is not about religion so if people are offended that is their own problem!

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