Post # 1
So I met up with some friends this past weekend and talk turned to wedding planning and +1s etc…
I felt personally attacked when I informed the girls that only those with serious BFs of over a year were probably going to get +1’s (even that is pushing it). We are paying for the wedding on our own and it’s a partial destination (1/2 of the people invited will be from KS and the other half will be in VA where the wedding is).
They all pounced on me. They were like “Well that’s not right! You are expected to give something back to those people that travel from here to go to the wedding and what if we want that something to be a date!”…. excuse me???
1. The location we are getting married at is a SMALL island where there are not many places to stay
2. We are paying for it ourselves and it’s our wedding. If we want to add more people to the list (instead of letting you bring your BF/GF whom we BARELY know) we would add people who mean something to US as a couple.
3. We are having a party back in KS after the wedding where you will be more than allowed to bring your Boyfriend or Best Friend
I should say that before we made this decision about +1’s we discussed it with some of our closer friends, all of whom were more excited for it to be just our close friends and have it be a great excuse to take a vacation together as a large group. Our other friends (even the ones in VA) are already trying to track down which beach houses they want to rent for the week so that they are all right next to each other.
Are we being unreasonable on this issue or were they out of line? I cannot get this out of my head that we are doing something wrong and committing some serious wedding faux-pas!
Post # 3
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
You’re not being unreasonable. They are being rude. It’s up to them if they want to come or not, but they shouldn’t be attacking you for saying that they can’t bring a date.
Post # 4
i understand how you feel im letting the wedding party bring guests even if they dont have boyfriends or girlsfriends
but other than that for regular friends and family on the guest list…. if you arent living with him/her, or been dating him for ages then too bad so sad
if i make an exception for one, i have to make it for all and im not doin that
Post # 5
It doesn’t matter HOW you came to your decision!! You have told your guests that only certain people will be extended a +1. Period. Gospel. They don’t have the right to argue with you about it. If they are so offended, then they just shouldn’t come! I seriously hate when people complain to a hostess about her party!
Post # 6
That is totally the kind of thing I would have thought before I started actually planning. I am allowing plus 1s for all of my guests, but I’ve flat out told my FI’s friends that they are not allowed to bring any old skanky chick they want to my wedding (luckily I can get away with this because I’m the “cool one” of the SOs in his clique). Even at my 150 person wedding, I don’t want many people I don’t know. So, on a small island? No way. They just don’t know any better and they are WRONG.
Post # 7
we all go through this and it’s annoying! i’m having a small wedding, and i have a guest who didn’t even think she’d be invited because it’s so small. then she asked me if she could bring her bf of one month! she offered to pay for him. NO! it’s not all about money, it’s about the fact that i don’t want this guy that i’ve never met there when we don’t even have room for our own family to come.
it’s your wedding, invite who you want, stick to your rules, and they’ll get over it. don’t people know not to stress out the bride yet!
Post # 8
They are being rude. I say don’t make any exceptions or things will get really complicated! I think it’s hard for people to understand these issues when they are not the ones planning a wedding. If they ever get married they will suddenly understand that they can’t invite everyone and their brother. I think someday they will also understand just how much money a wedding costs!
I have learned (the hard way) that with a wedding guestlist you will never make everyone happy! There has been so much drama with my parents and Future In-Laws over ours so I understand how annoying it can be to hear criticism!
Post # 9
Ugh, I hate how people can be so rude and judgmental. Wait until these ladies have weddings.. KARMA.
Post # 10
So rude. Do I invite random people to your house when you have me for dinner? No, because that’s rude. (someone did that during our engagement party…not impressed). Why people think the rules are different when you get married, I don’t know. And if it’s so much trouble for them to travel to see you get married that they need to be “paid back”, then they shouldn’t come at all. Ugh.
Post # 11
They shouldn’t get on your case about it. That isn’t appropriate. They probably were making some assumptions in their heads. Personally, I like guests to bring +1s. But if you can’t swing it, you can’t swing it.
They need to weigh how important it is to have a date, vs. celebrate your wedding without one. I would just calmly let them know that you’re sorry, but it’s too expensive. And that you really do hope they’ll still come, but will understand if they choose not to.
Post # 12
People only get +1’s if they are living together or engaged… that is my rule! NO EXEPTIONS. They are being RUDE… and they will never understand until they are in the same position.
Post # 13
It is your wedding, and you have every right to limit the +1s. However, I can tell you that I would have declined the invitation (politely and without ever mentioning the reason to the bride) if I was in a relationship and not invited with a +1, especially if the wedding involves travel.
Post # 14
You know…most times its people who have never planned a wedding or did not have to pay for their entire wedding that often make such dumb comments! The fact of the matter is–this is YOUR day and unless they are coming to the wedding not knowing ANYONE…why would it matter you can’t bring the latest beau…I think people forget who the day is REALLY about!
Post # 15
They are being a bit rude, but i see where they’re coming from. I wouldnt be too thrilled to travel somewhere for the weekend alone, stay alone in a hotel, and attend a lovey-dovey event alone, sit alone, and go home alone. Im an independant person, and travel for business alone all the time, but if this was the situation for a wedding i was attending, i would probably not go.
its tradition to bring someone to a wedding, its kind of a given, and everyone kinda knows it. i understand the budget thing, trust me, but your friends arent looking at it that way. youre asking them to spend a weekend traveling alone and to spend money on getting there, bringing a gift, probably a new outfit, etc. but htey have to do it alone. i see where they’re coming from.
Post # 16
I understand where they are coming from, I went to a lot of boring weddings and thank goodness I had someone there with me to talk to, but it’s your wedding….and if you can’t afford it, they should understand. They just don’t have to attend, they don’t have to be rude about it.