Post # 1
So, I sent out my save the dates on Thursday. Already some of my mom’s “no, they won’t come. just invite them”s are telling me that they’re coming and they’re super excited. My fiance’s sister’s inlaws are saying they’re coming and bringing their teenage kid. I am hoping for 50 people and am bracing for 70 or 80, which I really can’t afford!!
What can I do to make people not come? 🙂 Start acting like an ungrateful bridezilla?
How do you STRESS that kids are not invited, besides saying “ADULTS-ONLY RECEPTION” on the invite? I am afraid that people are going to start booking before they get the invite and book flights for their kids who are not invited.
HELP!! I thought this wedding planning stuff is supposed to be fun. I’m ready to call the whole thing off and elope!!
Post # 3
@misskrayon: ah, the joys of planning a destination wedding. i am going through the same thing. the people i thought weren’t coming, just somehow cleared their schedule. there is really no “right or wrong” way to say you’re not invited. that’s the point of the invitations…atleast that is what my mom said. if i really didn’t want people to come, i shouldn’t have invited them. i know that sounds a little rude, but it’s the truth. i took it for face value. since i did my invitations in two rounds, i sent the first batch out, and then carefully selected the second round. i basically put them into two catergories: must haves, and would like for them to attend but they don’t have to. i limited myself (finally!) to knowing that i could only have 70 people MAX because that is all that i could afford to have with catering. so, basically, to make a long post short…just invite the ones you KNOW you want at your wedding. if they decline, then invite the other people. as for not any children being at the wedding, you could always ad to the invitation, that it’s an “adult only” reception. or put “we regret no children under 18” or blame it on the venue with “due to venue restriction, no children under 18” or such and such age. hope it helps. 😀
Post # 4
I’m sorry you’re having that problem. I also noticed that people who I never thought would come are buying plane tickets like it’s nothing. However, some people who I was certain would come when I sent out the invites actually replied that they couldn’t. So, maybe your numbers will even out more than you think.
Post # 5
i got a little panicky at one point too when i had tons of people telling me they will come. at one point i was estimating over 40 people, when i really wanted 25 – 30. well, i had a big reality check as pretty much all those people and then some VIPs did not come. i ended up with 17 at my wedding, bride and groom included. which in the end was perfect. i was happy there were not more. so my point is to say you dont need to panic just yet, don’t consider someone attending until they are actually BOOKED, no matter what they tell you about their intentions!
Post # 6
It’s getting worse!! People are talking about renting condos together now.
AngLang – I called my parents and made FH call his as well to reiterate the NO KIDS policy and ask them to be enforcers/informers if they hear of anyone bringing their kids. Otherwise, I don’t mind making tough phone calls. 🙂
Purple Unicorn, I hope you’re right. I hope that since it’s cold in Chicago, people are just saying they’re going to come and when it gets warm outside and gas is $6 a gallon, they’ll change their mind.
Post # 7
@anglang25:I wanted to know what the etiquette is for sending out two rounds of invitations? My family and I used to live in Germany when I was younger and she has invited friends of ours from there, as well as people we knew there that are now spread all across the U.S. I want to know if they’re going to be coming ahead of time so I can send out the second round of my “B” list. How do I go about this??
Post # 8
I had this too, lots of “please send them an invite, they’ll never come”. Most of those people did come, but plenty of others did not. Many of those who are excited to get the STD will peter out. Don’t worry about it.
@Stephanie9386: You need to send your invitations out early enough so that your B list also has plenty of time to respond. Once you send out the A list, you can’t hound those people for an answer so you can send out B list.
Post # 9
@misskrayon: other things come up too besides expenses. i had my good friend who was supposed to co-officiate my wedding not come because it was on passover (we both didnt realize this when i booked my wedding date). i had another person tell me for sure they were coming and then her grandparents died and her family organized some huge family reunion that she had to attend and so she couldnt get more vacation days. just things come up that you would never expect. another person got laid off from her job. and yes there were several that were serious, but when it came down to it, they couldn;t afford it. so i think these things just have a way of working themselves out.
Post # 10
@misskrayon: I agree with @PurpleUnicorn. We had a semi-destination wedding – just a two-hour drive for most people (they did have to stay overnight). At one point, based on everyone who insisted they were coming, I thought we were going to have 95-98 guests when I had only planned on 80-85. As the date got closer, the number dropped below 85, and when I finalized the RSVPs, we were below 80. Final guest list was 75. Like PurpleUnicorn, I had guests who had last-minute issues – death in the family, financial issues, etc. It happens.
Post # 11
We’re having the opposite problem – I’m freaking out that our resort is too expensive, and no one will come.
In the beginning, everyone was all excited and promised they would come. But I didn’t believe it even then, I just hoped that the important people would come, and I figured most people would back out. We sent out over 50 STD’s, pretty much including all family and friends, but knowing that most wouldn’t come. But now, no one’s even really talking to us about it, so I don’t know what to think. Except my mom insists that all her friends are coming for sure! So maybe my parents will have a good time. lol
Post # 12
You could either reply to the people wanting to bring more people than just who should be invited that while it is fine that they join for the vacation the unforunately they will not be able to join for the ceremony/reception. It’s all inclusive resort. I’m sure the non invitees can entertain themselves.
Or to trim off children being invited, book at an adults only resort. Keep in mind this may cause quite a few people to cancel as they A) don’t want to ahve to find child care B) don’t want to go on vacation without their kids.
Good luck 🙂
Post # 13
@starrysim: I feel the same way!
I am freaking out that no one will show! We are expecting about 50 and inviting about 100 (50 invites with their guests) but this means they will have to book flights…book hotels… eek.. idk.. :-/