Post # 1
My husband is standing up in his friend’s wedding next year. To appease their parents, the couple is having a Christian ceremony prior to the reception.
Following their honeymoon, they are going to have a Greek ceremony.
Am I really obligated to attend all of these events? I just wrote a post the other day about how I don’t like this particular friend. I truly feel that when you get married, you get ONE day, and you cannot expect your guests (or bridal party) to be available for all of this.
So, what would you do?
Post # 3
While I don’t think you’re obligated to go to both, I do feel it would be rude not to attend unless you had a reason. This couple is balancing their separate identities and showing respect to both their traditions by having two ceremonies, and your husband has agreed to participate in the wedding. He is clearly important enough to his friend to be asked in the wedding party, ad your husband agreed, so the friendship seems to me to be a pretty important one. If he is attending both ceremonies, I think you’d need a pretty solid, legitimate reason to not look petty for not attending.
Post # 4
Since your husband is attending both (being in the wedding party and all) you as the wife should attend both too. It would be proper. Plus think of all the free food! (just joking!)
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You should go to both if your only reason not to is personal and not an actual conflict.
As for expectations, I’m sure they were clear with their bridal party about their decision to haev two ceremonies. It’s not like they forced your husband into this. He agreed to be in the wedding party. You should be there to support him as he supports them.
How hard is it to put on a dress and show up for a ceremony? I’m assuming this doesn’t involve any overnight travel since you probably would’ve mentioned it. Plus, Greek Orthodox ceremonies (which, by the way, are also Christian) are really neat.
Post # 7
@mrslittlefish: I say no, you’re not obligated to attend both. If the ceremonies were on the same day or even on two consecutive days, it would be one thing. But having to attend a second ceremony a week or so later when they’re back from their honeymoon? I think it’s unfair to expect you to give up another random day for them.
Post # 8
OP: Your husband agreed to be in the wedding, this wedding happens to have 2 ceremonies, you need to be a supportive wife and attend both.
Post # 9
@mrsSonthebeach: Yes I know Greek is also Christian. But I needed to differentiate between the two. I don’t know what denomination of Christian it is. So “Christian” and “Greek” were the best ways to label them.
Post # 10
@drummerbride: I should probably link to my previous post, about how ignorant and disrespectful his friend is. He uses the C-word to describe women, and I’ve always gotten the feeling he didn’t like me – so now the feeling is mutual. I’ve tried with this guy and gotten nowhere.
Post # 11
Sometimes this is a compromise couples have to make to keep their respective families happy. I don’t think this is about them being greedy about having more days. Sometimes when people end up doing things this way, it can feel a little frustrating as a guest, especially if your husband is in the weding party, but the reality is, this situation just isn’t about you.
Your husband being in the wedding may mean he has to attend both ceremonies, but that’s an obligation between him and his friend. You don’t have to attend any of their events at all, if you aren’t particularly close to the couple and your husband doesn’t mind. You can always decline and your husband can give the couple a gift from you both and express your regrets at being unable to attend.
Even if you do choose to attend, I wouldn’t feel obligated to attend both ceremonies. Choose the one that you’d prefer and have an unfortunate obligation on the day of the other. Your husband’s a big boy and can go to one of them alone.
Post # 12
Evangelical and Greek Orthodox? (I understood what you meant from the beginning. 😉
Post # 13
@Elvis: I know it isn’t a greediness issue; it’s definitely a matter of making their families happy. That doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the expectation that I be there too. Your response was perfect though – I agree that I’m not obligated. My husband is, as a groomsman, and if that’s what he wants to do, well…okay! They are having a large wedding party so it would really shock me if each and every person was able to make it to both ceremonies.
And it’s a Greek orthodox ceremony.
Post # 14
You’re not required to attend either, but I recommend going to both. I read your other post, and I can completely understand why you dislike this guy, but I still thik you should attend both ceremonies if your FI is going to be in both of them (as long as you don’t have a conflict with work or anything important).
Have you talked to your FI? He might be upset if you don’t go to both, and for something as minor as sitting through a second ceremony, it’s probably worth keeping the peace. It might also be awkward for him to explain your absence.
I don’t know how long a Greek Orthodox ceremony is, but I’m betting the whole second event will be less than 2 hours – it’s not that much to sacrifice.
Post # 15
I would probably go to both unless there was a compelling reason not to. Not having anything to do whose event it is, but just because DH and I try to attend formal events together out of support for one another. If one of us is ill or can’t make it due to a previous engagement, that’s one thing, but generally we stick together.
Post # 16
@sportsgal31: “but generally we stick together.” Thanks for your input. I definitely lost sight of that aspect of things.