Post # 1
I’ve raised the issue before about my lack of desire to attend my FSIL’s bachelorette party. For those who don’t know, we’re not close at all and I’m not sure why I was invited (maybe she just wants to be polite and keep the peace), but I really don’t feel like hanging out with her or her friends–as mean as that might sound, it’s just how I feel and I know I will be really bad at faking it, so that’s why I told her friend who is hosting the party that I’m not sure if I’ll be able to attend yet due to my work schedule (going out town, etc), but that I will let them know next month.
So, now that some time has passed, I’m feeling kind of guilty. I don’t want to hurt my FSIL’s feelings by not attending–but I’m not even sure she would be hurt given that we’re not close. At any rate, I just don’t want to cause any trouble. So I have managed to convince myself to just attend a portion of the bachelerotte party–maybe just dinner and then leave afterwards. But I have no idea how that would come across and how to explain that I can’t attend the whole thing without making it obvious that I just don’t want to be around her and her friends for 6+ hours. Would it be better to just not attend at all and say I have to go out of town for work?
I need some advice on what to do here–it would be much appreciated!
Post # 3
Do you think they would question it if you said “great, I can make it for dinner!” and left it at that?
Also, can I ask what your major objections would be to spending one night with this group? Have you hung out wih them before? Would you be the only non “close friend” there? Maybe it’s a big group and they want to include everyone. If they’re drug users, not in your age group, have antagonized you before, etc. then I can understand, but otherwise it might be worth getting out of your comfort zone and spending the evening with her to get to know her better.
Post # 4
@Ellegee: It’s a group of 5 people–and I don’t know any of them. And yes, I would be the only non-close friend, which is another reason I would feel weird. I don’t mind having dinner and chatting with the group over dinner. But I do feel really awkward going out dance with people I don’t know that well. And I don’t hate my FSIL–I just feel really weird around her, we don’t click. But I do feel I should go to at least a part of the bachelerotte party just to be nice. So I might try your suggestion. Thanks 🙂
Post # 5
If you’re not close with her this could be her way of trying to get closer to you…..I would go, and just leave after an hour or two at the bar-say you’re tired or something. If she made the effort to invite you and you don’t go I think you might really offend her. Who knows, you might end up having a great time.
Post # 6
If you don’t want to go out partying with them, just do the dinner part. I think that is a completely acceptable compromise, and frankly, someone who does not want to be out can drag the fun of a night down. Going home after dinner might be best for all involved 🙂
Tell the organizer you will be there for dinner, and are looking forward to it. Think up an “I have to be up early” excuse for if anyone asks why, but I doubt they will.
Post # 7
I think it’s perfectly find to go to dinner but leave shortly thereafter, in your circumstance, as long as the hostess is informed (so she doesn’t ask “omg why are you leaving?!?!” and because it’s obviously polite).
Just a word of caution: do not give a reason for leaving. The less you say, the less you lie, the less they’ll ask, and the better you’ll all feel. Stick to “I had a lovely time! I’m so excited for you, Future Sister-In-Law, see you soon! Bye-bye ladies, have fun!” and if anyone asks, smile and say “sorry, gotta run!”
Post # 8
Personally, I would just suck it up and go to the whole thing, because I would feel kind of bummed if someone only showed up for part of my bachelorette party. It would just make me think that you had somewhere more important to be.
And this is coming from someone that never clicked with their sister in law either 😉 I wasn’t invited to her bachelorette.
Post # 9
I had some people show up to the pregaming part of my bachelorette party who then departed before we left for the bars. I didn’t hold it against them at all — they were older, and just weren’t the lets-go-dancing type of people. I felt that by showing up at all, they showed that they wished me well, and like @sarahbabs said, the rest of us were probably better off without them later since they weren’t going to enjoy themselves anymore!
Post # 10
@violet25: trust me, I was in the same situation as you. Look at my history on this board, my Future Sister-In-Law and I just don’t click either however recently I have been making more of an effort to be around her, whether she likes me or not and that in turn started having her be more friendly. We still have nothing in common that I can think of, but I don’t have huge anxiety being around her any more.
I wasn’t going to go to my Future Sister-In-Law bachelorette party if she invited me, however I have since changed my mind. Give a little effort and see if anything positive comes out of it. I am not saying you have to be best friends with the Future Sister-In-Law, however try to be able to be in her presence. Unfortunately, you get her too with your fiancé.
(and I also have hard time faking it also that many times I am quiet around her, but it isn’t uncomfortable. I like hearing her talk about her wedding plans because she literally planned her wedding in less than six months with no money and she is freaking out how she is going to pay for everything. I like the fact that I took my engagement seriously, she has been engaged a year longer than I have, and found so many great ideas on the wedding bee. My wedding is going to have more than hers with less the cost.)