- Blog
- Bios
- Boards
- Classifieds
- DIY
- Gallery
- Vendor Reviews
- Shop Weddingbee
Weddingbee boards
I really wasn't worried about a bachelor party but my husband didn't have one. I hope that this thread doesn't turn into another heated debate about the wrongs of bachelor parties.
i'm ok with looking at strippers. lap dances i'm not ok with. there's no way i'm having another girls who-ha rubbing up on my fi. because of that he decided just to skip the strip club all together and they went to dinner and bars.
I am with you the boy activities don't really bug me, but that might be because my fi isn't into them at all. His groomsmen are mostly his accapella group lol so I don't see them getting into too much trouble! I wish i could splurge on a liomo though, what a nice idea!
Strippers for b-parties actually do annoy me. Call me a prude or whatever, but I actually don't have respect for men who find that kind of thing exciting and fun. Especially men in serious, committed relationships. It's a respect thing, not a trust thing. I really can't stand it when I tell people this, and they say, "Well I trust MY man as a strip club!" Well, I trust my husband, too, but I'm also wondering in the back of my head, "why does he want to pay for some other woman's titties in his face?" It's disrespectful. Thankfully, my husband agrees completely and had no desire to ever go to a strip club.
Bachelor weekends of going camping, a sporting event, etc. are completely fine and sound like fun. Lap dances and G strings? Not so much.
eh, I'm not crazy about them, but I gave no sass about my husband's.. however, I do not want to go to strip clubs WITH him. Over new years, after going out to dinner friends pulled into a parking lot of one and I just said No way buddy - make a special trip with your guy friends and leave me out of it. If the guys would sit through the male equivalent and watch me get fondled and harassed by male strippers, then we can talk. (Not that i'd want that, gross)
Well, my FI has actually never been to a strip club. I doubt very seriously he'll go to one for the bachelor party, but if he does, I could care less. I've been to both male and female strip clubs, and I know how I feel when I'm there, so I'm not really concerned about him going. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I know he's not going to do anything that would upset me. To be honest though, I think he'd feel weird at a strip club, and they'll probably end up at a bar playing pool or something like that.
In conclusion, I wouldn't care, but I doubt he'd go...so it's a non-issue with us.
I feel the same way, actually... I just don't care that much. I know he'll be faithful to me; what do I care if his friends want to go to a strip club?
I'm actually bummed out that FBIL dropped the ball with FI's bachelor party, so it looks like he won't be having one (he starts studying for the CFA level 3 exam next week which he'll take abouright before the wedding, so there's no freetime in between). I think it's a rite of passage and something every guy should do on some level. Of course there are certain things I'd rather FI not participate in, but I'm marrying him because I trust him to know where to draw the line (cheat=bad).
Since he won't be having a proper bachelor party, I've decided to surprise FI with a trip to the strip club myself! There's an awesome steak restaurant at the Penthouse Club here in NYC, so he can eat red meat, drink expensive scotch and ogle tatas the way a boy should=)
I love the idea of all the guys hanging out. I hate the idea of strip shows and all that goes down. FI's having a boys weekend that will be sans strippers. It's a total deal breaker for me.
i'm 100% with you Chapstick!! but i dont worry about it b/c i would never even be with a man who wanted to go to strip clubs...i just think it is totally weird/disrespectful/gross/etc etc etc.
The idea of the “traditional” (is it even really, though?) bach party doesn’t bother me, offend me, or make me insecure. I honestly couldn’t care less about him going to a strip club.
That said, FH has ZERO interest in going to a strip club, his friends have zero interest in taking him. Then again, they are all in their late 30’s/early 40’s, which I think has something to do with it. He also doesn’t have the “one last night of freedom” etc. viewpoint. (I only mention the age thing because in my circle of friends, the only ones who have gone to a strip club have all been under 23, the rest have done things like dinner at steakhouse or gone golfing for bachelor parties).
So, for us, it’s really a non-issue.
I flat out banned mine from going. He wanted to but I told him if he went then he can marry himself. I explained that the night before we marry I don't want some strange girls parts all over him. FI is the only guy I've been with that belives in being faithful. So it's not a cheating thing but a respect thing. He isn't happy about it but what can he do...
The only thing I didn't want my husband to have for his bachelor party was strippers. He gave me a hard time about it, but his brother/best man who planned it, didn't want to piss me off, so no strippers. My husband actually got so drunk he doesn't remember anything past the first bar! So I hear it was a good time, lol! I think that as long as you trust your soon-to-be-husband and his friends than you shouldn't worry about the bachelor party.
ETA: The biggest reason my husband gave me a hard time was because me, him and his little brother went to a strip club for his little brothers bday. We bought him a lap dance. So he was like, it was ok then, and I was like because I was there supervising, lol!
My FI hates strip clubs so he'd be fairly displeased if that's what his boys decided to do for him. He wants to rent a house somewhere and like drink and play poker. I hope his GMs will respect his wishes and not get one of those "house call" strippers cause that is WAY worse than anything that happens in the clubs.
My So thinks the perfect bachelor party is going out to Vegas...def. a no no for me ha Strippers etc. don't bother me just because well I think of them as strippers sounds bad, but in my book he wouldn't do anything with a stripper just look plus he hates those places went once and never went back. A night of booze and poker with the guys is cool with me and he knows that ..if they take him to a strip joint well he knows i'll go see a male review even though I hate that too, and he doesn't want that happening ha
It's not the looking at strippers that bothers me; it's all the touching and dry humping that goes on that I have a problem with. Many women mistakenly think that strippers just dance around naked when that's not even the half of it. We agreed to him going to a strip club just no strippers to the hotel room or champagne rooms.I am still not happy about it and would preffer no strippers, I just want his bachelor party behind me. I trust him but not his friends to put him in some ridiculous situation.
My bachelorette is the same night, and I plan on dancing up a storm and having men flirt with me... men that I don't have to pay to flirt with me!
I just want to say that I think NOLA is a great idea for a bachelor party! I'm trying to get Best Man to organize FI's in NOLA as well since he's never been and I know he really wants to go.
With regard to the strippers and bachelor party discussions that become hot topics, I say that I have no issue with FI going. He's going for his bachelor party with a bunch of drunken, rowdy guys who want to look at semi-naked ladies. He's not going by himself on your run of the mill Wednesday night to a place where he's a regular and everyone knows his name (just an example..he isn't a regular anywhere except maybe Starbucks!) Point being, he's not seeking out a place to ogle other females, he's going with his boys as their celebration of his 'last days of singledom'. And if I really had any worry about him doing something inappropriate with another female, well then he wouldn't be FI.
Thanks Honeybear! You bring up a good point, the FI does not normally go to these establishments and its just that one night. I will try to remind myself of that whenever I find myself getting upset.
I've given my fiance's best man a few rules for the bachelor party: (1) My fiance is currently STD-free (and no, we're not talking save-the-dates) and he'd better stay that way. (2) I will hold the BM responsible for any debilitating injuries my fiance obtains, but small scars are fine.* (3) If they end up in jail, they'd best not call me for bail money. (4) If they go to the Caribbean (both of them used to live in Curacao and want to go back) without me, they'd best not return.
*There's a story behind that one. My fiance was the BM in his BM's wedding, and during that bachelor party, I got a panicked phone call from my somewhat intoxicated fiance, saying, "[BM's name] just put his hand through a window. We cleaned it and wrapped it really well and stopped the bleeding. Is there anything else we should do?" (For reference, I used to do veterinary emergency work.) To this day, BM has a scar, but didn't lose any function in his hand.
your fi's bach party sounds like the one that I am planning for myself with some girls, and probably right around the same time! You go an do something equally awesome for yourself and you won't think twice (my fiance and I generally go by the addage - if what I am doing would make me uncomfortable if it was the other way around, don't do it).
my care factor is zero because i know my guy isnt into that stuff so he stood at the back with other guys, eating drinking and catching up with the rest of the guys were up front watching the girls on the pole and the live sex act.
hubby did get roped (or tied i should say) to a chair with girls, a bit of a lapdance and cream at one point but it was just silly stuff and then they let him go and it was back to the show. the guy that arranged the party basically arranged the B-party he always hoped to have for himself
hubby said to me later on that he felt sorry for the girls in a way because he said you could look into their eyes and they really were just doing it for the job
i trust my guy so i have no issues and as long as the girls are doing the job for their own reasons (ie not being forced to, drug addiction etc) then i respect their choices
twalila - i like your style!
I encourage my FI to go ... one of us should! I highly doubt my BMs will take me to one (nekkid women only please), so its up to FI to party it up for both of us.
But he says he wants to do a guys weekend at a cottage, which is cool too ... I'll just have to convince my BMs they want to go to one for a drink.
In my city. there are no strip clubs.. so I have no worries in sending him out on the town for his bachelor party.
He is actually talking about going paintballing (running around an empty field, shooting each other with paint) for the day with a group of his friends. If they drink and drink lots thats ok, as long as they dont shave off his eyebrows i will be ok.
I hope he has heaps of fun!
So interesting to hear all of the different POV! Thanks.
My FI is older (34), and we really don't have a relationship where jealousy or concern about cheating or anything like that matters. Honestly, I don't care when girls hit on him, or if he dances with someone else, or hangs out with other women really in any capacity. We are really built on respect for eachother's independence, our mutual drive, our vision for our life together, etc. For me, I want meet the woman who could bust any of that up? I don't even have a twinge of concern.
I'm personally trying to decide between a dance blow-out in the Castro, SF, or getting a suite by Lake Tahoe and having a yoga by day, roulette by night weekend. A big weekend like he is planning would be fun, but all of my GFs are either broke or lawyers with no vacation.
I understand Miss Chapstick's perspective - strip clubs are disrespectful to women, and I find it inappropriate to celebrate committing your life to one woman by paying to leer at a bunch of other women. I have shared this with FI and I know that he agrees, but I also know that his brothers and groomsmen are going to plan something involving strippers and he doesn't want to cause problems by shutting them down. I asked him to tell them to please not have any strippers, but I almost feel like him saying that will make them do it even more!
It's one of those things that if it is out of my control, I just got to let it go. I hope to God it doesn't happen, but if it does, I will move on, because I know my FI would never do it of his own volition. And he's also overlooked plenty of things that I've done that he was less than happy about - that's what you do in relationships.
My big thing is, do whatever you're going to do THURSDAY NIGHT, not the night before the wedding! Our ceremony is at 10:30am. We'll probably be doing pictures starting at 8:30am. I will throw a fit if he is out all night because you only have your wedding day once, you better be awake for it!
Its tradition to have one and my FI's two brothers were absolutely crushed when they found out we wanted to do a 'jack and jill', I push my FI everyday to have his own but he really doesnt want to. He says he doesnt need all that in his face and he has me and im his little porn star, haha. My friends are all upset because they want me to have my own too and i also want my own but the FI thinks its just uncalled for and we should do all the celebrating together! Oh well
"strip clubs are disrespectful to women, and I find it inappropriate to celebrate committing your life to one woman by paying to leer at a bunch of other women" - My thoughts exactly, daniellemybelle.
@Laylabelle: Totally agree with you.
I respect everyone's opinion on how they go about their relationship. Some don't like to go out with out each other, some do things with out each other all the time...some don't mind if another goes to a strip club.
Me, personally, I don't like it. I'm not going to stop my FI from going, but he does know how I feel & I'd feel disrespected. I am all for him doing a bachelor party, but lucky me...he doesn't want to do one with just the guys. He'd like to do a co-ed party & I think that's wonderful.
My side of the family & his have NEVER had bachelor parties, the only reason we would have it is to make our friends happy. We don't believe in the whole "it's your last night as a single man/woman." If you wanted to do what a single person does, you shouldn't be getting married. So, we think that this is an opportunity to celebrate our marriage together with our closest friends.
But again, I completely respect what other people in their relationship do. But if my FI were to want to do a bachelor party, I'm all for it! I love him to death & I want him to have the time of his life, always.
I think it's way cool of you to want to buy your brother a plane ticket so he can go have fun, too =]
@moni, i feel the same way you do. I think the jazz festival sounds like a fun weekend to go!
I have it easy. My FI doesn't drink at all, and has never been to strip club (and tells me he has no interest in going to one). So...... I really have nothing to worry about :) The worst he ever does is smoke cigars, drink too much redbull, and stay up late playing video games!
Me and my guy both think it's an outdated tradition. I like going to strip clubs and would have fun going to one with him, but it just seems silly to me for that to be part of the wedding celebration. I totally respect others who do it, it's just not for us in that particular setting.
I told my FH (and his friends) whenever the topic comes up that he has a couple rules: no going to jail, no ending up in the hospital, no touching, and no taking strippers out of their natural habitat (the strip club as opposed to a hotel room party). I figure I'm being pretty open and I trust him not to be stupid. I'm guessing the rules for me will probably be quite similar.
@ Goldilocks
Love it!
Keep the opinions coming, I am enjoying everyone's perspective. I think it really highlights the diversity of views on a good marriage.
We have agreed that strip clubs are out of the question. It’s not just me, though; he doesn’t want me going to a strip club either. I know I’ll probably have a big blow out with FFIL and his BM about this, but I’m going to stand my ground. Personally, I think it’s asking for trouble. Sending crazy and drunk guys to a titti bar to do shots and enjoy the company of naked women that are willing to do anything to make a quick buck isn’t the best situation to put yourself into just hours before walking down the aisle.
We’ve agreed to have a “getting hitched” party with our wedding party to replace the traditional bachelor/bachelorette party.
i'm with the other bees who've said they find strip clubs to just being really disrespectful to women--it makes me uncomfortable, and not out of a jealousy thing, but more out of principle.
our best man is planning a weekend trip for fi and a bunch of guys, which will really be fun for him--they're doing a repeat version of a trip they took in college, so he's really excited. i've tried to say that i really feel uncomfortable about there being strippers or strip clubs involved, but he always shuts the conversation down by saying he has no control about what does or does not happen on the trip--it's the best man and the other guys who are planning who are in control, and he's just going to go along with whatever they plan. i get what he's saying, but still...
I dont want my guy going to a strip club, he doesnt even like them which i am sooo thankful for. Its so weird because when i was younger they never bothered me.. now the thought of some womans woohoo on him is a disgusting thought. He does not want me at a strip club either... I will be going to disney and partying at theme parks and boozing afterwards.. him not sure yet but i know it involves no strippers ;)
I know the FH would be furious if I had a stripper at my bachalorette, and I am no fan of double standards, so he won't be 'oogling tatas like boys should' (he decided to marry me, so I'd be insulted were he to oogle anyone else).
@daniellemybelle
"... and I find it inappropriate to celebrate committing your life to one woman by paying to leer at a bunch of other women"
I couldn't agree more, it's a two way street and disrespectful if both parties aren't on board with the idea. If you don't care if your husband likes to look at other women then that's great for you, but not everyone can be so accomodating.
You must log in to post.
| Visit our sister sites | eHarmony Online Dating |
eHarmony Advice Dating Advice |
Project Wedding Wedding Songs |
JustMommies Pregnancy Calendar |
Create the honeymoon of your dreams.
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| ellisrobertson | 24 |
| fishbone | 19 |
| MsPanda | 14 |
| aduarte3201 | 14 |
| ladyartichoke | 12 |
| mypinkshoes | 12 |
| pengoala | 11 |
 sylvia.riggle |
11 |
| ShellVee | 10 |
| ndreighton | 10 |
| User | Posts Today |
|---|---|
| sylvia.riggle |
5 |
| peachacid | 4 |
| smcs28 | 3 |
| Zouave | 3 |
| armychica06 | 2 |
| imageeksowhat | 2 |
| HollyCJ | 2 |
| BellaDee | 2 |
| Snoopadoop | 2 |
| zippylef | 1 |
So, my FI is starting to plan his Bachelor party. He wants to spend a weekend in New Orleans during a big jazz festival.
Personally, his Bachelor party doesn't bug me in the least. I'm actually pretty supportive. Strippers and boozing and all that don't really bug me. I'm even thinking about springing for a limo to surprise them, and I might buy my little brother a plane ticket for his Birthday to go.
But I know not everyone feels this way. Am I being overly optimistic about my feelings? Do you feel differently? I would love to hear how people feel about the Bachelor party.