Post # 1
I just need to get this off my chest. There is not a soul IRL I’d want to confide this to, so here we go.
First off, I’m engaged to a wonderful man. We’re very much in love, and it’s the happiest relationship I’ve ever been in. He’s pretty perfect, and I didn’t think there’d be another guy in the world I could like as much as him–until I met his brother.
His brother is model-handsome, muscular, broad shoulders and smooth low James Bond-esque voice. I get the flips in my stomach when he’s standing close to me, and my uterus wets itself when I hear his voice. I’m a mess. They have a close relationship with each other, so we’re always having dinner/lunch/hanging out altogether. His brother is also smarter, or at least ‘gets’ me faster than FI. I also ‘get’ him faster than others–we just click. It doesn’t help that he’s single. I have dreams about him and fantasize what it’d be like if I had only met him first. I mean his brother is basically the same as FI but a more handsome and smarter version.
Obviously there will never be a relationship between us because, hello, awkward! If I broke up with FI I’d have to break up with his family too. Anyway I wouldn’t want to do that, because we have a great relationship and the in-laws are fantastic. Well, the brother-in-law may be a tad TOO fantastic… it would kill FI if he knew, so I’m really trying hard to get over this crazy crush. I even lie awake at night trying to think of his brother’s flaws, but there aren’t any.
What would you do? I mean in an ideal world the brothers would both be open to a polygamous, incestuous relationship, lol! But seriously… help.
Post # 4
How long have you had this crush? In general I think crushes are natural and just something you need to work though with self control, but when you say “I wonder what it’d be life if I met him first” that’s concerning.
Assuming this is just a normal crush, here are my strategies:
1) Limit the amount of time you spend together.
2) Try to find unattractive things about him.
I had a crush on a sports teammate this past summer that was driving me NUTS! I hated thinking about nother guy but I was so attracted to him. I tried to stay away from him as much as possible and tried to focus on what he lacked and on why my DH was the best. What really did it for me was when I found out he was casually sleeping with another team member who’s a bit of a mess. Guys who are into casual sex turn me off.
Here’s hoping you can find a way he’ll turn you off!
Post # 5
@whatdoido: It seems like you really like this guy–even more than your fiance.
If that’s true, you shouldn’t be with your fiance because it’s not fair to him that you’re crazy over his brother, and that you can’t reciprocate equal love and respect for your relationship together. That’s not someone you should be marrying.
Not saying that your husband has to always sweep you off your feet, but you should be impressed by his humor, intelligence, support… and all those other traits.
Post # 6
@whatdoido: I think more people go through this than are willing to admit, although it may not be for a brother. When we get engaged, I think we are forced to realize that we are shutting off other options – and there are still other people in the world! Many people I have known start to think about exes, co-workers, etc.
^ For what it’s worth.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@whatdoido: I think it’s normal to be attracted to someone physically, and to think someone is super cool. But just remember, a relationship with him probably wouldn’t be as substantial as the one with your FI. Try to remember why you fell in love with him in the first place. Also, why did it take you so long to meet his brother? Did you just meet him and get these feelings, or did your feelings develop over time?
Post # 8
@whatdoido: are you just now crushing on his brother? If not, how long have you known him? If its a recent thing it should pass… I haven’t had a crush since my fiancé so I don’t have any advice but what you already know- stay far away!
Post # 9
@whatdoido: I think the fact that you are infatuated with anyone other than your fiance is a sign you are check out of your relationship with your fiance. It might me the time to seriously evaluate your relationship independent of his brother.
Post # 10
@blushpinkbride: +1, that’s what I was going to say.
Post # 11
I think some degree of attraction to your fiance’s brother is entirely understandable and normal. In many ways it should remind you of why you love your fiance so much. He probably looks and even acts in many of the same ways, and probably has many of the same pheromones, which can have a lot to do with sexual attraction. I’ll admit that I find my brother-in-law to be freaking adorable and attractive for many of the same reasons I find his brother attractive.
Just ride it out — it’s a crush. It will go away. Hopefully you will discover that he is a total womanizing dick and be happy you found the other, better brother.
Post # 12
Well… he does have flaws. For sure.
I think you’re only seeing the good stuff because he is forbidden fruit.
I don’t really know what to tell you… just that it’s all in your mind. If you manage to talk some sense into yourself, this crush will end. Like think of all the things that you love about your FI that are unique to him. Think of how hurt your fiance would be if he found out you have the hots for his brother. Realize that this guy does have flaws and that your crush is basically the same thing as having a crush on George Clooney… not based in reality.
Post # 13
@whatdoido: the cold hard truth of this is that even if you broke things off with your FI, NOTHING could ever happen with his brother. As you already mentioned…I’m not telling you something you havent realized on your own. If I were you, I would focus on loving YOUR man, and doing your best to distance yourself from his bro. Eventually, one day his mystique will wear off, he will meet someone too, and no longer be “single” and as seemingly available.
this is hard, and I could totally see it happening to a lot of women…luckily my guy is an only child 😉
Post # 14
@whatdoido: I think you need break it off with your fiance. Not because you have a crush on his brother, but the way you spoke about him wasn’t love, at least not at all how I have experienced it.
My FI is the funniest and smartest person I have ever met and I’m confident that I would never find someone with his qualities, only better.
Post # 16
@whatdoido: I don’t think you need to think about breaking it off, reevaluate your relationship or any such thing, unless you have some other reason for thinking there is something lacking. Sometimes we just find people other than your significant others, fiances, or husbands attractive and become infatuated. It is normal and inevitable (and head spinning!) The fact is, there are many people who might be right for us, you just have to pick one of the many, commit yourself to that person, and make it work — aka, don’t lose your head and do anything stupid.
It also helps to spend as little time with the person you are attracted to as is possible. And, when you do have to spend time with said person, do not be alone with that person and do not drink!