Post # 1
My aunt and uncle told me a few months ago that they have decided to not come to my wedding. Their reason is because their daughter (my cousin) is a lesbian and they are upset because she recently announced her engagement to her girlfriend. She has her ceremony scheduled for one month after mine. My aunt and uncle aren’t happy about their daughter being gay and they told me that they didn’t think they could emotionally make it through my ceremony because they are so disappointed about my cousin.
My aunt and uncle have always been very supportive people (Taking a flight to come to my graduation, etc.) As soon as I announced my engagement, my aunt said that she would make my wedding cake for me. Obviously now all of that has been called off. They told me that they were really excited for FI and I and that they wanted to be there but felt like they couldn’t handle it because they wish their own daughter was straight.
I’ve felt frustrated because I don’t understand why they can’t make the effort to support me in spite of their feelings about their daughter. I know that they support us getting married but the fact that they can’t work through their feelings and be there for me has been a little hurtful. It’s disappointing. I feel awkward about seeing them now too.
What do you guys think about the way they’re handling this? Have any of you had a similar situation? Any advice would be appreciated! 🙂
Post # 3
@misslala: I think their boycotting your wedding is ridiculous. Besides needing to step into the 21st century as far as gay relationships and marriage are concerned, missing your wedding is not going to make their daughter straight.
Given that you’ve known of their decision for a few months, I think it’s a bit late to express your disappointment to them.
I might be tempted to tell them that you have donated the value of their meals to PFLAG (Parents , Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays).
Post # 4
I think they sound like awful narrow minded people honestly. That is their DAUGHTER their flesh and blood, they should love her for who she is and not wish for her to be something else.
I understand you are upset they aren’t going to your wedding but that’s their fault. Imagine if you were your cousin and these were your parents, totally unsupportive and wishing you were someone else. It could be a lot worse for you if you were her. I feel very sorry for your cousin, I hope she has wonderful friends and other family that is supportive because her parents are obvioulsy narrowminded and just selfish all around for not supporting her or you.
Post # 5
@misslala: Umm, that is completely ridiculous! I doubt there is anything you can really do about it, if they don’t want to be there, then you can’t make them. I really think this is unfair to you and your FI. I’m so sorry you’re going through this! You definitely don’t deserve it.
Post # 6
@misslala: I think the way they are handling this is HORRIBLE, but I think you should focus your attention on how much worse this situation is for your cousin, who has done nothing wrong and whose parents are “disappointed” in her because of her sexual orientation. Try to set aside your sadness that your aunt and uncle won’t be attending your wedding (even though you are certainly not being unreasonable to feel sad about it.) I feel terrible for your cousin. What a shame that her parents are so narrow minded and judgemental.
Post # 7
sorry that is really unfortunate but enjoy your special day even if they wont come
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses. You’re right-the situation is much tougher for my cousin than for me. My aunt and uncle originally told her that they wouldn’t even come to her wedding either, but recently they told her that they would come, they just wouldn’t stay for the entire event. They also told my cousin that her soon-to-be-wife isn’t allowed to come to any of our family Christmas celebrations. It just makes me sad.
I want to make sure that this situation doesn’t cause any awkwardness between my cousin and I because it’s not her fault that her parents are acting like this and I support her completely.
I’m dreading the next time I see my aunt and uncle because I don’t want to be rude to them, but at the same time, their decision has affected my relationship with them and I think it will take some time for me to get over it. I just hate drama! 🙁
Post # 9
How horrible for your cousin! And unfortunate for you. I certainly hope you are inviting your cousin to the wedding!
My nephew is gay and his own Mother said she will not attend his wedding. I told him I would gladly attend even though it will be a considerable distance. Life is short and whatever makes one happy should be celebrated.
Post # 10
You know, I’d cut them some slack. They are dealing with something they obviously weren’t expecting and are probably “Mourning” the loss of the vision they always had for their daughter’s life. I’m betting that is kinda common in parents of LGBT people. They need time to process this and time to let it sink in that their daughter is the same wonderful person she always has been. Hopefully they will welcome their daughter’s wife into the family one day. If they don’t I can imagine they will lose their daughter.
This isn’t about your wedding at all, it is just bad timing and your wedding is the sacrifice in all of this. Do I think it is right? Not really. Do any of us TRULY understand their journey right now? I’m doubting that.
Be supportive of your cousin and do not let your relationship with your aunt and uncle suffer. If they have always been there for you (Like flying in for your graduation) I think it is time for YOU to be there for THEM. They are in uncharted territory and don’t know how to deal with it. They need some love here too. Your wedding is one day and they have been supportive of you their whole life. Time to return the favor.
Post # 11
@misslala: I’m not sure I’d be too worried about being rude to these bigots. It sounds like most of the rudeness here is going the other way. OTOH I’m not sure I’d want people like this at my wedding in the first place, so maybe in the long run they did you a favour by showing their true colours.
Post # 12
@misslala: that’s pretty awful and ridiculous that they aren’t coming to your wedding. How’s your poor cousin doing? She must be devastated that her parents can’t accept her for who she is.
Post # 13
Honestly, just cut your losses. Your aunt and uncle are going to behave however they want to behave without any permission from anybody in a more sensible head space. It’s unfortunate that your wedding cake budget will have to go up, but they’re making it clear they have intention to screw around and have unreasonable behaviour. You’re better off knowing now how it’s going to be, and you get to avoid having to rely on them for something on an important day for your and your FI.
Maybe think of a role in the wedding for your cousin to participate to help show your support.
Post # 14
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
That is so awful. How can people be so ignorant and narrow minded?!!!
Post # 15
Your wedding has nothing to do with your cousin’s sexual orientation. Shame on them for making your day about someone else.
Post # 16
@misslala: May I ask WHY they are disappointed that their daughter is gay? Do they have some sort of (mistaken) belief that it is a disorder which they might have caused themselves, through bad parenting? Are they mourning the loss of future grandchildren (notwithstanding that your cousin might have children in a variety of ways)?
If you understand WHY they are upset then maybe you can help smooth the rift between parents and daughter, which is probably the biggest problem here.