Post # 1
Okay that was melodramatic. I do have lots of wonderful friends…..but I just moved to a new area, and none of those wonderful friends live here (and I haven’t lived here long enough to make lots of girlfriends.) My future aunt-in-law happens to live here, and has generously offered to throw me a shower. She is very adamant about it and I feel terrible turning her down…but to be honest, I’m not sure who I would invite.
I have lots of awesome co-workers, some of whom have become great friends, but many of them are men. She has suggested having a co-ed shower, but is that weird? Also, though a few of these people are invited to my wedding, its 3,000 miles away and I didn’t invite the ones I’m not as close to. Would it seem really terrible to invite them to the shower, but not the wedding? I don’t want it to seem like I want presents from them but don’t want them at the wedding. I think it could be fun to get together with all of these people but just don’t want to offend anyone.
Help! What would you do in this situation?
Post # 3
aww, that’s kind of a bummer. my advice is that you really shouldn’t invite anyone to a shower that you aren’t going to invite to the wedding (with the limited exception that your coworkers can choose to throw you a small shower at the office or at a restaurant or something without your feeling obligated to invite the whole office). but why can’t you invite your friends who don’t live there anyway? not everyone would be able to come, but i bet they’d love an excuse for a reunion.
Post # 4
In my area we always invite people to the shower that aren’t invited to the wedding. I can’t tell you how many 3rd cousin, coworker, or church people’s showers I’ve been invited to, but never went to the wedding. This especially makes sense in your situation where you live in one place and are getting married in another. I would definately invite your coworkers, and anyone else in your area – do you have neighbours or members of a religious community you belong to who you are semi-close with? Also, does your FI’s family members and friends live where you are now? I’ve often been at showers where the groom’s female friends come.
As to the coed aspect, what about having a ‘modified’ shower. If the guys don’t want to sit around drinking tea and playing shower games, what about making it a picnic/outdoor game shower or doing some sort of activity with a dinner or lunch at a restaurant instead (mini golf, bowling – I don’t know your tastes/what is available in your area)? A lot of women (especially younger women) don’t really like the traditional shower format, so they might enjoy this kind of too.
Post # 5
You don’t have to have a huge shower. I’ve been to showers with ten or twelve people before. I actually like the smaller showers because you have time to talk to everyone there. If your future aunt-in-law lives near you, aren’t there other family members that can come? I’d invite the few co-workers you are planning on inviting to the wedding. It doesn’t have to be all out, why not do something intimate and uniquely you? I think it’s awesome she’s offering. Maybe ask her who she’d invite?