Post # 1
50 people max at reception.
Aunt has just married a man with 8 grown up children.
She insists they are the same relation to me, as her natural children (my blood cousins).
I could really do without 17 extra people…..what do I say?
Post # 3
I say don’t invite them. They’d be a huge percentage of the guest list. I’m sure she’ll be more upset about it than they will be.
ETA – I don’t think you must explain your choice to her – just don’t send then invitations. But if she does ask, you can be honest and say no, you don’t have the same relationship with them as you do with your cousins. How could you? They’re new to the family!
Post # 4
@redheadem: Thanks for that, I’ve split GL into 2, 25 for me, 25 for him. If I want to invite, well my parents and myself and my Gran, they just can’t come. I’m going to forward the list to her now.
Post # 5
No, it’s not the same. And if she thinks it is, she’s crazy. If she doesn’t like that you didn’t invite her (complete stranger) step-children, she can either attend your wedding and keep her yap shut, or she can decline.
Post # 6
@Snoopadoop: I don’t suggest forwarding the list to her. If she doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t have a relationship with a family she just married into, she’s not being rational about it.
The best advice is to simply tell her that your wedding will be very small and you cannot accommodate them. If you send her the list, you are inviting her to rearrange it as she sees fit. Plenty of brides have experienced the same kind of issues when they say they have a limited budget, guests who feel they have the right to invite other guests then invite themselves to be part host and contribute to the costs of boosting the list. It’s best to be firm, polite, and just stick to the facts.
Post # 7
Wait, why are yousending her your guest list? It’s none of her business. The only thing that is her business is wether shes invited or not and unless you know all of these adult step children well, there is absolutely no need to invite them. If she doesn’t like it she can decline.
Post # 8
Tell her you don’t have the space. Sorry!
Post # 9
Don’t invite them; don’t explain it to her; and prepare for the fact that she may not attend in protest. Not saying she’s right, just that it is her right (as it’s yours to leave them off your guest list).
Post # 10
I am currently doing the final FINAL no more no more changes, sending out list.
Got the list down to 64.
Myself and Fiancee
7 Children (under 5)
Mums, Dads and Gran’s.
Bestman and Maid/Matron of Honor.
And 3 of Aunts Step-Children.
There are also 13 people who I have been told to invite, but who I am told “will not come in a million years”.
I am hoping this will work out OK.
Post # 11
Also I have on that list 4 plus 1’s.
Who knows if that’ll happen?
Post # 12
Being a step mom, for 18 years, even I say no!! You don’t know them that well do you? An intimate wedding is just that for those you are “closest” not those related to those of someone whom in the future you might become closer with! HAHA. Besides, I would take a guess that even if you did actually invite them, being they are adult step children, they probably wouldn’t come anyway — especially if they don’t really know you.
Post # 13
DAD HAS JUST PHONED, AND ADDED TWO!!!!!
MOTHER IN LAW TO BE HAS UST PHONED ADDED TWO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I NOW DON’T HAVE ENOUGH SPACE AT THE VENUE….WHO DO I CUT????????????????????
Post # 14
hehehe….tell your aunt her step kids aren’t invited…..hopefully she’ll be soo miffed that her and her biological children won’t come out of protest!! that way you’ll have plenty of room for the guests your Future Mother-In-Law and dad just added!!!
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
What part of “maximum number at venue” don’t these people understand? :)-
We split up our guest list with 25 for each family, and since I sent out the invites, no one’s over inviting. Figure out how many friends you want (5, 10, whatever number), then tell your parents- you have XX number of people you can invite. That is all. Cut your list or I decide. Have Fiance do the same.
Re: your Aunt- like LibertyBelle said- “If she doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t have a relationship with a family she just married into, she’s not being rational about it.” My Stepmom’s been in my Dad’s life for over 20 years. I love her and we get along great- but her children/family aren’t invited to my wedding.
Send these invites out ASAP- and tell people it’s done, no more. Good Luck!
Post # 16
@Snoopadoop: we had almost the same problem!! We only invited my husbands uncle and his new wife. She has 2 (problem kids) that do not even live with her, she does not have costody of them and she rsvped for like 5 people…..
My mother in law took care of it, asked who the extra people where, she said the 2 kids and one of the kids (who is 16 years old) boyfriends would come. My mother in law said no the boyfriend is not invited, that is not appropriate, this is a small family wedding, she then offered to pay for the boyfriend. SO NOT APPROPRIATE thank god my Mother-In-Law said NO so then the 16 year old did not want to come.
The other kid and the wife ended up coming to the wedding but what really pissed me off was that they left, i guess maybe before dinner? They didnt even say a word to my husband or me, no congrats or anything, i didnt even know they were there until I said something a week later about them not showing up. My husbands parents said they came and then left…… What a waste…
If I were you I would say NO sorry they are not invited we are only having immidiate family at our small wedding, sorry…..