Post # 1
I need some help from the Aussie bees out there, as I have never been to a wedding before and don’t know the expectations that people have about weddings and +1s.
The story: The recently sent out my invitations. Last night, a friend of mine who I invited, posted a status update about needing a date for a wedding (our wedding). I was a little taken aback. I know she doesn’t have a boyfriend, so I clearly addressed the invitation to her only. But it seems everyone has this expectation that they can just bring a random with them because it’s a wedding. She will know many other people that are attending.
Even FI seemed to think that everyone would get a +1. I just thought it would be obvious that you don’t just bring any old random to a wedding! All girl/boyfriends, no matter the length of time they have been together have been invited by name. We are only inviting 50 people, and are only expecting 40ish to come, and I don’t want any of those 40 to be people I don’t even know, who are clearly not coming because they want to see us get married!
So is this just some Aussie expectation that I am unaware of? I admit that my entire knowledge of weddings is based on what I have learnt from the internet, so I really have no idea what others expect.
Post # 3
Hey hun, I am still a little bit away from sending invites, but as we have a small venue (60 people max) we have already made a rough guest list. Initially I did give everyone a +1 as I just assumed that it was rude not to, but have since removed them as the list was getting too large. I asked my mum about it and she was adamant that I invite only people who I know (and like) and as long as the person with no +1 likes who they are sitting with it will be ok.
I have 4 people with no +1 and one person who knows they are invited already asked if they could bring someone and I have already said no. I think the other people will be ok to come by themselves.
Personally if I recieved an invite for just myself I would call and ask if a +1 was allowed as I wouldnt want to rock up alone (that is the crux of the issue methinks), but if they said no I wouldnt care. I would just find a couple/family to tag along with! Your guest really should have called you to clarify before asking randoms on facebook to be her date!
Post # 4
So is it just expected in Australia that a wedding invitation includes a +1 always?
Hmmm, I guess it’s just me who thinks it’s strange.
I never would have thought that, unless you know nobody else, it would ever be necessary or appropriate to bring along a random to a small wedding.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, partners, even people you are seeing casually are all fine. Advertising on facebook for someone to bring, is not.
I am only inviting my 6 closest friends, and she knows all but 1 of them. If I wanted more people there I would invite people I actually know.
Eh. I guess I just don’t get it.
Post # 5
I have been guilty of the sin of bringing a random to a wedding before. Oh the things I know now! My only defense is that I was, young, in college, and didn’t realize how inconsiderate I was being.
Post # 6
I dont think plus 1s are expected, I’ve been given plus 1 before when I was single and didn’t know anyone else at the wedding.
We are giving plus 1s to people in relationships, or who don’t know anyone else. But a group of single friends who know each other won’t get plus 1s.
Post # 7
@Roux: Ok good, so I’m not just some terrible mean person then! This is exactly our rule with +1s.
It just seems that everyone I have talked to thinks that every wedding invitiation is an invitation for 2, regardless of whether it is mentioned that they can bring a guest or not. Like it is just a given. And I had no idea of this expectation. Even before I started wedding planning, I never would have thought an invitation to me would mean I could bring someone else with me uninvited.
I feel that this is going to be my one and only Bridezilla issue! I am having a small wedding because I don’t want to pay $100+ for people I don’t REALLY like to have afternoon tea, dinner, cake, dessert, a chair and free alcohol on us, AND the fact that I am not comfortable being the centre of attention and really don’t like the thought of lots of people staring at me all day!
Post # 8
Ugh, I know what you mean. One of my friends wants to bring he brand new boyfriend. Like she wants a guarantee right now that he is invited. I’m like if you are still together this time next year, then yes, definately invited, but the wedding is 16 months away! She also wants to bring her baby, who will be 2 by then. Adults are $125 per head, and Children are $50, thats a lot of money for her requests.
Post # 9
Although I’m not Aussie, I’ve lived here for awhile and been to lots of weddings. When we had been dating for about a year, one of the Aussie’s friends was getting married and my name wasn’t on the invite since I had only met the couple once or twice before so I think this may just be a situation of a clueless friend in your case. The Aussie knew that my name or an “and Guest” not on the invite meant he shouldn’t bring a date. Good luck breaking it to her gently!
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2011 - Sydney, Australia
No, I wouldn’t expect it – and I think your guest might just be reading into it.
You might want to awkwardly break it to her, especially if numbers are tight. I’m sure it’s innocent, especially if she doesn’t HAVE a date she already wants to bring/you know to invite.
Post # 11
I’ve had to write on the RSVP for guests to please only RSVP for those on the invite as we are having a very small wedding like you and also don’t want people we don’t know there. I’m sure some people would think this is rude but the reason we are having a small wedding is to be close to everyone there.
Post # 12
We are only having a small wedding too. We invited partners along, even if we hadn’t yet met them, but didn’t give the option for singles to bring a mate or something.
Post # 13
I would go with a definite no on the plus one. If you have already invited all those people who are in a relationship then you are perfectly ok!
I dont think that singles in australia should expect a +1 invite, that just isnt really done here, definitely not in my circle of friends.
Good luck with the girl though!
Post # 14
No – there is no “unwritten” rule that you get a plus one.
Mind you – no matter what you do you will offend someone.
Post # 15
@aussie chick: Hey newbee! Great to see another Aussie on the boards! Where are you from?
Post # 16
I cant see a problem with saying no plus ones!
We have such tight numbers that we have had to even cut out some peoples partners (like the ones that have on and off not serious partners that are more FWB set ups) I figure if u dont put their name on the invite then they arent invited.