- 2 years ago
My boyfriend and I are soon to be engaged and it’s the most exciting thing. While I’ve never dreamed of a big white wedding, after I met him, I started to toy around with the idea of having one. There are three (maybe four) problems that are holding me back from really plunging into the excitement of planning a wedding. Please help me decide what to do (or at least figure out what are deal breakers and what aren’t.)
My parents are financially incapable of helping pay for a wedding. When I was a teenager, they essentially told me that it would be college or a nice wedding, so naturally I chose school. It never bothered me that they wouldn’t be able to contribute. However, my boyfriend’s family is quite well off, and have already hinted that they’d be more than happy to financially contribute. HOWEVER, this still leaves both he and I to shoulder a pretty hefty bill! We both have debt from college (me, ~12k, and he ~30k) so it feels a little crazy to spend money we don’t have when we could use it to pay down debt, buy cars, pay for a new apartment/house, etc. I don’t want to embarrass my parents by going ahead and planning a big wedding, and I also can’t stomach the idea of paying thousands of dollars I don’t have. <br /><br />You may be going “But it doesn’t HAVE to be expensive!” which leads me to my next worry…<br /><br />2. FAMILY/GUEST LIST<br /><br />If I had to write down a list of can’t-get-married-without-them individuals, I can easily get it to about 15-20 people. Pretty reasonable. Boyfriend, on the other hand, has a MASSIVE family. As in his parents had over 300 people at theirs. And every wedding in his family is pretty much guaranteed to have at least 200-350 people there. Not inviting family is considered EXTREMELY taboo, and would never fly, especially if FH’s parents are contributing $$$. So, I can’t exactly have a small get together. Boyfriend and I did a practice guest list and got it to about 150, which is still staggering. The other thing is … (and forgive me if this is tacky or rude, but I feel is something all brides brush against…)<br /><br />3. TASTE <br /><br />We’ve all been to a wedding where something was bad. I have been to several weddings (friends, boyfriend’s family, etc.) where there were certain elements that made the night uncomfortable. One bride I knew hired a less-than-reputable company to rent chairs from in order to accomodate her 300+ guests, and FIVE chairs broke during the reception. (The phrase “you get what you pay for” comes to mind…) Another wedding I attended had less than appetizing catering (In particular, a certain chili was served that had every guest running to the bathroom every 4 minutes … a problem, considering there were 2 total stalls in the venue.) <br />What I’m trying to say is, I know that there are certain things I can cut out to save money, but I don’t want to do it at the cost of my guests being comfortable or having a good time. If I’m going to pay money for this thing, I want it to be an AWESOME bash! I’m just not sure I have the capital to back that idea up 🙁 <br /><br />4: FMIL<br /><br />Extremely passive aggressive. Extremely sensitive. Extremely hanging-her-hat-on-us-having-the-big-white-wedding (Meaning, we should have the kind of cake she had, or “oh, aren’t these (AWFULLY TACKY) invitations LOVELY? You should do this!” kind of behavior.) Part of me wants to say NOPE! BYE! ELOPING! Just so I can avoid what will surely be a months-long struggle over what should be a lovely and exciting process, not angst-ridden and stressful. <br /><br />Am I being crazy? Have any of you run into these things? Who eloped? Was it worth it?