Weddingbee boards

This is my first topic thread! I've been stalking these forums for years and have gotten to the point in my relationship to talk about marriage. (I'm so happy!) I'm not even engaged, yet, but I think it'll be coming sometime...we're talking about saving up and he did mention "let's do it" when it came to having a wedding.

Anyways, now to the meat of the topic. I have a horrible extended family. My dad's side is pretty cool, but the only problem is that I have 8 aunts/uncles and each married relative (all but one) has had at least 3 children. If I had a reception at home, it'd be a huge hooplah and that's not something we want. We barely talk to these folks (lost in Vietnamese translation) and we did attend my cousin's wedding...to which even my cousin forgot who I was. Yet, for family honor and all, I know it'd be a huge slap in the face to my dad's side if I don't invite them to my wedding. I am my father's eldest daughter and I don't want my dad to have problems with his family (he's
really close to them).

On my mom's side, I've relatives who had the audacity to stick gum on my graduation cap and act as if I had deserved it. Then they turn around and tell me what they want for their birthday. Every 3-6 months I get a nasty message from my cousin saying that I'm a loser in the most offensive way possible. They aren't rugrats, but grown men and women. I don't know why they do this to me but my BF says it's because they are jealous (I grew up on welfare and I am going to be the first woman in the family graduating from grad school...only three of us have a BA/BS). I've endured this kind of treatment for years because I'm a pacifist, they are my family, and despite that I know that an eye-for-an-eye won't make me a better person.

So if I'm already dreading the possibility of having these folks burn my dress or cause drama on my big day, should I even bother inviting them? I want to honor my family but avoid them at the same time. My BF and I believe that a destination wedding will do just that, but would it be right to invite them or simply send out wedding announcements?

That's terrible! I'm so sorry you have to worry about this!

If it were me, I'd elope and send out wedding announcements. Worrying about your dress being burned at your wedding is something that no one should ever have to think about. Is there any way you could start bringing up the idea of DW to your Dad now? Since it's so far in advance, it could give him some time to adjust. As for your Mom's side, I wouldn't worry about those people at all. They sound horrible.